Learning, Trusting, Loving
by Sidney Ella Ford
Summary: Jacob and Nessie have been best friends forever. When Nessie faces one of the hardest thing a girl has to face, Jacob will be there for her, but can she learn to trust and love again? / Not my usual, but please read and review. AU, AH.
1. Prologue

**Well, this is unlike anything I've ever written. To my old readers, please don't stop reading my writing if you don't like this, because the writing style of this story will not be incorperated into any of my other stories currently online. The my new readers, this is just a taste of my writing, so don't judge me completely on this. I'm open to flames, or any kind of review. If this offends you, I'm sorry, but this is swomething I've been thinking of writing for a while, and I'm sure someone will like it. I don't own _Twilight Saga_. **

Walking out of health with triumphant smiles, my best friend and I laughed. After giving a mortifying report on teen pregnancy and sexual abstinance, we'd made the highest grade in the class. Outside, walking to the cafeteria for lunch, Jacob picked me up and swung me around, kssing my cheek. I laughed and felt my phone vibrate from it's hiding place.

"Cover me," I muttered, stepping behind him and reaching down my V-neck sweater to where my phone was. I had a text message from my boyfriend.

**ICU**

While I contemplated how 'intensive care unit' had anything to do with me, a pair of arms slid around my waist. "I see you."

I laughed at my own stupidity and the the tickle from the kiss Nahuel placed on the side of my neck. I quickly slid my hand up under my shirt to put my phone in its place and then turned to get a real kiss. Jacob walked away in disgust, having never approved of mine and Nahuel's relationship. It was that reason that I slightly distrusted him, mentally scolding myself every time I thought about it.

"Should I be worried about him, Nessie?" Nahuel said jokingly, but with a spark of something else in his eyes.

"No, should I be worried about her?" I said, nodding to his lab partner, who chose that moment to run up to him, blushing.

"Hey, Emily," I said, making her blush harder.

"Hey Nessie, Nahuel you left your worksheet in the lab," she said, handing him a sheet of paper.

"Thanks Em," he said, smiling genuinely.

She waved a bit and ran off to find her friends for lunch.

"Nessie," he laughed. "She's terrified of you, why do you do that?"

"Do what?" I giggled, elbowing him as he put his arm around my shoulder.

"Act so casual. She thinks you hate her for being my lab parter," he said, earning another elbow to the gut.

"Why would I do that? She's nice," I said vaguely, laughing inwardly.

Nahuel just laughed again, kissing my head. I liked being with him. He was nice and I wasn't popular, but I was happy with my best guy and boyfriend, no matter how much they didn't get along.

Little did I know, that was one of the last times I would feel that.

**A/N: So it's rough, but it's the prologue. And you haven't exactly gotten to the main plot, just a teaser and some foreshadowing. Please review, and if you're interested in being my beta for this, please contact me, as I'm in need.**

**~Sidney**


	2. Harsh Realities

**Yay, people like it! I don't own Twilight, as you should know. Thanks to my beta **Lucas McDrake** for finding my errors. Remember, if you didn't know before, feel free to tell me any errors in dialect. Now, please read and review!**

Have you ever wondered why the worst days of your life start off good? Like, _really _good?

The worst day of my high-school life started off _wonderfully. _I got good sleep, I didn't look absolutely dead when I woke up, and my older brothers weren't completely driving me crazy. I even got a little dressy, with a black sweater-dress and pink leggings. I didn't even have to spend an hour getting my make-up right. It seemed to be a perfect day.

Except that Nahuel was avoiding me. I got glimpses of him, but he seemed to be in a perpetual hurry. I thought that he may have been having a bad day, so I thought nothing of it and waited until the end of the day. When the final bell rang, I went to the courtyard, where I found him talking to Emily.

That was the first of the many pangs I would feel on that day.

"That's not possible. You can't be..." I heard him arguing. Nervously, I might add.

"What, _pregnant_? It is and I am!" she said back, her voice breaking as she began to cry in frusteration.

I walked slower, trying to comprehend exactly what I'd just walked in on.

Emily spotted me and started crying harder. "N-Nessie, I'm so-so s-sorry. I d-d-didn't know," she sobbed.

Second pang, as I began to understand.

"He-he n-never t-told me," she sobbed harder, hiding her face in shame.

Third pang.

I walked to Nahuel, putting two-and-two together. "Who's the father?"

He stayed silent, looking ashamed.

Fourth pang.

"Tell me _now," _I demanded.

"I am," he breathed,

Fifth, sixth, seventh. Everything was crashing down so quickly, I wasn't sure how long I could hold up.

After a moment of deep breathing, Emily was finally coherant. "Nessie," Emily whispered, getting her words out a little easier. "He came over a few months ago, upset, saying something about a fight and... I don't know why.... He just started kissing me and..."

"When did we have a fight?" I demanded Nahuel. "Tell me."

He looked fierce suddenly. "It was the day Black kissed you. You lied, you said I didn't have to worry, but I did! You two are in love or something!"

Eighth, ninth, tenth, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...

I lost it. "It was on the cheek! It was a victory kiss! And of course I love him, he's my best friend! He hates you, but I tried to get him to be nicer to you, because I thought I could trust you. I guess he was right all along."

"Nessie, please forgive me. Give me a chance to-"

Correction, _then _I lost it.

"What the _hell _is wrong with you? You ruined any chance you ever had with me by going and..." I struggled to say the painful truth aloud. "And having sex with someone over something you misinterpreted instead of asking me about. On top of that, you have a child to worry about. You owe Emily and your baby that much, for _lying _to her! You're an idiot and we're through."

I turned and ran.

Ran.

Ran.

Never looking back.

I got to the parking lot.

To Jacob mounting his motorcycle.

_Jacob._

He was right all along. But I didn't listen to him.

I don't know how long I stood staring at him. He looked concerned and dismounted, then rushed over and caught me as I collapsed, bags sliding off my arms to the damp asphalt. I fell into his arms, sobbing noisily, but not caring who saw or heard.

The wonderful thing about a best friend is that they don't try to calm or shush you when you cry. They pick you up and take you to cry in private, holding you the whole time, letting you finish crying, even it you ruin their favorite shirt or jacket. They don't say any meaningless or meaningful words. They don't say anything at all, for that matter. If I'd ever doubted that Jacob was my best friend on Earth, I didn't anymore. No words were exchanged, but soon we were speeding down the road on his motorcycle, bags positioned, me sitting behind him in his spare helmet, holding him tightly around the waist.

As the greenery passed, we soon pulled onto a dirt road, then detoured into the woods, to our childhood play fort. We left our bags and climbed into the tree, into the little dusty room we'd spent hours and even nights in as children.

We sat cross-legged, silent. I finally broke the silence.

"You were right about Nahuel."

"I don't want to be," he said gently. "Not if it hurts you."

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you."

"Don't be sorry," he insisted.

"I was an idiot," I persisted.

"No!" he snapped. "You weren't!"

Tears beaded in my eyes again. Jacob didn't get sharp often, but when he did, I deserved it.

"No, Nessie," he sighed, taking my hands in one of his, using the other to brush the new tears away. "I meant that you're too good for him. You gave him trust and he betrayed it. Do you want to tell me what happened?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. "Yes, but you'll be mad."

"I'm already mad at him for making you cry like that," he said. "C'mon, let's go to your house, a storm's coming and maybe the weather can stop me from committing a crime of passion."

His words were meant as a joke, but something deep inside stirred as they fell from his lips. I gave a half-hearted smile, but the motion felt so foreign all of a sudden.

"Let's go," he said, climbing out the door and down the stairs, as I followed him.

**A/N: Mucho thanks for reading, now please review! And LMD, I don't copy and paste it anymore, because of that, lol.**

**~Sidney**


	3. Telling

**Finally getting back to this. I've been uber busy with The Single One and it's upcoming sequel, Those Three Words, but I've been taking time on this, and hopefully it won't disappoint. I don't own, enjoy!**

After driving through the woods for a few more minutes, we arrived at my family's mansion. My sister-in-law Rosalie was sitting in the kitchen eating a huge sundae and rubbing her swollen belly. My brother Edward was across from her, reading one of our father's old medical journals. I was the only biological daughter of my family, and my brothers were all older than me by more than five years. Looking at my pregnant sister made me wonder what Emily would do about her baby.

"Hey, honey, I got the chips you wanted!" my brother Emmett called, coming in through the front door, heading toward the kitchen to sit next to her with his findings.

I followed him to sit at the table with the three, Jacob on my heels. I dropped heavily into my seat and slumped onto my arms, hiding my face. I heard Jacob sit more gently next to me. He placed a hand on my back, rubbing small circles into my spine soothingly.

"What's wrong, babe?" Emmett said, taking one of my hands from across the table.

I sighed shakily. "It's nothing."

"Liar," Edward said, not even looking up from his book.

"Damn straight," Jacob said angrily. "If the way she was crying was any indication."

"Who's ass am I kicking today?" Emmett asked, giving my hand a little squeeze.

"Nahuel," I whispered brokenly, clutching his hand with both of mine.

"Why, sweetheart?" Rose asked, putting her spoon down and petting my hair.

I took a deep breath. "He cheated on me."

"How?" my brothers asked at the same time. I could hear them sitting up, ready to spring into action.

Jacob hugged me from behind, whispering in my ear, "Saying it can help."

"He slept with his lab partner and got her pregnant," I whispered, my voice breaking. I sat up to gauge the reactions of my family and, most importantly, Jacob.

Jacob's reaction was first. He let go of me, standing and growling, "His ass is _mine_."

The doorbell rang at that instant and Edward, rubbing his temple, went to answer it. I heard him around the corner, saying, "It would be in your best interest to stay away from my family and our friends at the moment. Or any moment."

An all too familiar voice said, "Let me just talk to Nessie."

Jacob heard the voice too, and sprinted into the foyer with me right behind him, and Emmett right behind me.

"Get out," Jacob said, standing defensively, ready to strike.

"I just want to talk to Nessie," Nahuel said, holding his hands up defensively.

"What if I don't want to talk?" I said, crossing my arms and not meeting his eyes.

"What's going on?" my college friend Alice asked, coming down the stairs with my brother Jasper on her heels.

"We're dealing with a little problem," Emmett said, keeping his eyes trained on Nahuel.

"Nessie, just listen to me," Nahuel begged. "Listen to my side."

"What?" I asked, fighting tears again. "You slept with your innocent lab partner because you saw your girlfriend's best friend kiss her cheek?"

"It was one mistake!"

"That ruined everything!"

"It meant nothing, she's not important like you are!"

That was the thing that made Jacob snap. He lunged for Nahuel, thoroughly intending to throttle him. The only thing that stopped his huge hands from circling Nahuel's neck was the immense speed and strength of Edward and Emmett. "Never say that the mother of your child is unimportant, and never _ever_ say that Nessie is important to you! She was the best thing that could have happened to a low-life like you, and you ruined it!"

Rosalie waddled in at the same time Edward's girlfriend and sort-of fiance, Bella, came through the front door. She took in the environment, and turned to Nahuel. "Maybe you need to leave."

With a last pleading glance, Nahuel left, leaving us in a tense atmosphere. Jasper came up to me and took me into his arms. Being the closest to my age at 21(if six years is close), he tended to understand me a little better than the rest of the family. He said softly in my ear, "You need Jacob, don't you?"

"Yes," I whispered to him, looking up into his face. He nodded then kissed my cheek as I kissed his.

I walked to Jacob and slipped my hand into his, still gripping thin air. My brothers let him go and I pulled him with me. We went upstairs to my almost-attic room. He sat on my bed while I went around with a shoebox, ripping down photos of him, throwing gifts he'd given to me in as well. Anything that reminded me of him went in the box, and to the top of my closet. After that was done, in extreme haste I might add, I actually felt a bit better. Then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was still in the clothes I'd put on that morning, feeling so happy and confident. I began rifling through my pajama drawer for a tank top and loose shorts. I went into my closet and changed, then came back out with an old t-shirt I'd borrowed from Jacob.

"Want it?" I asked, tossing it.

He caught it and unbuttoned the shirt he'd worn to school, breifly giving me a glimpse of his well muscled body before slipping the tight t-shirt over his head. It was completely natural for us to be exposed to one another. No boy outside of my family had seen me in less than a shirt and at least knee length shorts since I'd hit puberty, but Jacob and I had so many camp outs and beach trips it was impossible for him not to see a little more skin. It wasn't awkward or anything like that.

I sat on the bed and stared into space. "You know what?"

"What?" Jacob asked, staring ahead as well.

"I honestly thought I loved him," I said, tearing up as I looked over to him. You'd think a person could only hold so much water, but there I went again.

"Did you tell him?" he asked, looking at me with an unfamiliar look on his face.

I shook my head. "I didn't, and I'm glad. I wouldn't have been able to handle this if I did."

His arms opened and I fell into place, letting him hold me. I yawned and he scooted us up further on my bed, laying back and letting me use his chest as a pillow, stroking my hair. "You need anything?"

"Sleep," I sighed, cuddling into him and throwing an arm over his waist, holding him like a life preserver.

And sleep I did. Through my parents getting home, through Alice and Bella leaving, through dinner. I woke up at about nine to Jacob getting off my bed and hanging shirts again.

"Please don't leave," I begged him, sitting up and reaching for him. "I need you."

I felt so weak, so vulnerable. I couldn't take it if Jacob left me. He sat back down and gathered me in his arms.

"I have to go home, Nessie," he said, holding me tightly. "But this weekend it's just you and me. We'll go camping at the old fort, like old times."

"Old times," I repeated, blinking back tears.

"Do you need anything before I go?" he asked, pulling back to look at me.

"I'll walk you out, I'm hungry," I said, holding out my arms for him to pull me up.

He complied and we

went downstairs, where my family was spread out. Edward stood from his place.

"It's storming again; I'll drive you home, Jacob," Edward said, taking the keys for the flatbed off the hook, to take Jacob's motorcycle and save everyone a few trips.

I went with Jacob to the foyer while Edward got the truck. "Will you pick me up in the morning?"

"And every morning after that," he promised. "We're going to get through this, Nessie. And honey?"

I looked up at him expectantly.

"I love you, remember that."

I nodded and gave him a relieved smile. "It's good to know someone does. I love you too, Jacob."

He smiled and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, then ran outside to assist my brother in loading the bike onto the truck. I went to the kitchen and ate a meal of five saltine crackers and a glass of water, then went back upstairs to sleep more. At some point of the night, Jasper came into my room and held me while the first of the nightmares came.

**A/N: Review, please!**

**~Sidney**


	4. Face The Day

**New chapter! Excited for this, I've hit the ground running with this and I can't stop writing, so hopefully you'll be getting some updates sooner rather than later. I don't own Twilight, but I do own the box I used to kill the huge spider in my bedroom this morning. Random insight to my life... Okay, so read and review!**

I woke up at four-thirty in the morning after the most restless sleep I'd ever experienced. I flipped around a dozen times before giving up on trying to sleep, waking up Jasper who'd fallen asleep on top of my covers fully dressed, which couldn't have been comfortable.

"Nessie?" he asked groggily, looking around in the nearly black room. "Are you asleep?"

"No, Jazz," I said, getting out of my bed and trying to pull him up. "Go to your room, you can't be very comfortable here."

He sat up and got off my bed, nearly falling over from being half asleep. "You going back to sleep?"

"No," I said, letting out a bitter chuckle. "I've been trying for half an hour."

He attempted to adjust his eyes to the dark to see my alarm clock. "You've been awake since four thirty?"

"Yeah…"

"Okay, I'm gonna go get normal people sleep," he said, looking confused and exhausted. "If you need anything…get Emmett."

I chuckled a little at him. "Need help?"

"Nah." Then he hit the door frame trying to walk out. "Okay, maybe."

I helped him get to his room without walking into anything else, then went back to my room and opened my laptop, thinking of nothing better to do than check my Facebook. I went to my homepage to see what was going on with the world that existed outside of my mind.

Alice had gotten a new flair with 'shopaholic' in pink sparkly letters, the school was publicizing Thanksgiving holidays, and Bella's boyfriend's little sister was 'going through a hard time and needed your prayer.' I smiled a tiny bit and clicked 'like.' I went to my profile and observed it. Reading the info page, I felt a sting in my heart when I read 'In a relationship with Nahuel Menendez.' I quickly went to edit and put 'single,' then went to my friends list and deleted him. For good measure I went to his page and blocked him. I almost did the same with Emily, but decided against it. I couldn't find it in my heart to blame her for this.

Having been lost in thought, I was surprised when the chat box popped up at the bottom of my page. It was Jacob, and the timer said five thirty.

_Did you sleep well?_

I wrote back quickly._ You're joking, right____________________?_

He put a little frown. _It was rhetorical. I saw your page_.

I put a tongue out face.

It had to be done. _Healing process, ya know?_

The 'writing' symbol appeared, then disappeared, then appeared again. It took him nearly five minutes to find the right words._ I'm here for you. _

I put a smile as my reply___. __I'm going to go get ready, gotta mentally and physically prepare myself for today._

He put a smile that would have been sympathetic if it were really on his face. Yeah, I know him that well.___I'll be there at seven. _A little heart.

_Thanks_. A little heart, then I logged off.

The door opened of it's own accord, seemingly. To people who knew the Cullen Mansion and it's occupants, the door was always open, literally. If it was locked, the key was buried in a ring box under the ornate stones in the garden. We didn't associate ourselves with untrustworthy people, and you had to be in the inner loop for a while to know where the key was, so it was perfectly normal to be sitting in the living room, then see the large wooden door swinging inwards, hiding whoever was entering from view. This time, though, I knew it to be Jacob. I knew the sound of his bike, the weight of his footsteps on the porch, and the slow swing of the door so as not to make it creak.

"Hey, Jacob," I said from my seat on my favorite armchair. He was fifteen minutes early, as always.

"Hello, dear," my mother called from the kitchen, where she was making enough food to feed an army.

"Hi, Mrs. Esme," Jacob called to her. "Hey, Nessie."

"Jacob, do you want to eat with us? There's plenty of food!"

"Sure, thank you, ma'am," he called back. He came over to me and took my hand, pulling me up and dragging me into the kitchen. "What did you eat last night?"

"Crackers," I said sheepishly.

"How many?" he demanded, putting his hands on his hips and smirking.

"Five-ish?"

"Okay, you need meat and caffeine," he said, leading me to kitchen table, the usual breakfast location. He made me sit down, then sat next to me.

My mother put plates down in front of us, then proceeded to put pans and bowls filled with various breakfast foods. Jacob fixed both of our plates, piling eggs, sausage, biscuits and fruit salad onto my plate. He put even more on his own plate, minus the fruit. Jacob wasn't usually a fruit person.

My mother, obviously having been filled in by someone or another, was being quiet and non-invading. She instead told me about her gift ideas for Emmett and Rosalie's baby, asked if I had any tests or projects before break, and she kissed me goodbye on my way out.

On the road with Jacob I felt fairly light. I wore jeans that day, which were much more comfortable for riding than a skirt, but I wore one of my usual baby doll tops, grey with black sequins, under the leather jacket I 'stole' from Edward. No need to alert the student body anything was up. It'd get out soon enough, what with my banshee screams and mental breakdown in the parking lot. And the fact that soon, Emily would have a baby bump, unless she…

No, Emily was too good a person to kill the baby. She went to my church, she knew it was wrong, and her parents were accepting and caring. But it would be difficult for everyone involved. Emily had to be a mother, Nahuel had to take responsibility, and I had to watch it all.

When we pulled into the parking lot, not many people had arrived. It was still about ten after seven, and cold and wet out. One of the more sympathetic coaches let the people who had arrived into the gym to hang out until homeroom. There, Jacob and I tried to look as normal as possible, but sitting a little ways away from the other students and our hushed conversation was not exactly discreet.

One of the preps that I prided myself in not slapping every day of my life, no matter how tempting it was, came up to us with a cheesy sympathy look. "Hi, Renesmee, I saw your status this morning. I'm so sorry, he's such a jerk for dumping you."

I resisted the urge to yank her bleached blonde hair. "No, actually I dumped him, Jane."

She look highly surprised. "Oh, well, then I guess he deserved it."

Jacob spoke up. "He deserved it. Bye, Jane." The look he gave her could have rivaled Medusa.

She looked momentarily confused, then ran off, most likely to share the 'good news' with her plastic friends. Oh, how I wish they all saw that they didn't have true friends. They were all backstabbing, harsh, and fake. One day they would. Everyone would go through a time when they realized that what they thought was their's wasn't so.

I was lucky. I just had a crummy boyfriend. But I didn't feel lucky. I felt like I'd been used and toyed with.

"Jacob?" I asked when Jane was out of earshot.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you," I said, fighting back the tears that suddenly wanted to make an appearance.

"For what?" he said, smiling a little while running his thumbs under my eyes to catch the sneaky ones.

"For being real," I said, scooting closer to him and putting my head on his shoulder. "A real friend to me, not someone who treats me as a plaything."

He put an arm protectively around me. "If you let me have my way yesterday no one would ever treat you as a plaything. They'd be too scared."

"Yeah, scared of you breaking out of the prison you'd be in if you finished the job," I said, elbowing him.

He laughed. "I'd do a clean job, he wouldn't remember his name, let alone who put all the scars on him."

I sighed. I couldn't laugh. Not at that, not yet. Because no matter how much I wanted to get over it quickly, like a clean break, I couldn't even get it in my head that it had really happened, that there was physical proof that the boy I thought I loved wasn't who I thought he was.

"Whatcha thinking?" Jacob asked, resting his head on top of mine.

"I wish I could get over it," I said shakily.

"Well, Ness, it happened just yesterday. It's not something you get over like that."

"I know. But I wish it was, so I could get him out of my head. I had a nightmare." I added the last part quietly, getting terrified thinking about it.

"What? Tell me, maybe I can scare the big bad monster away," Jacob said, giving me a squeeze.

"It was more of a mental thing, no monsters in this one."

"Tell me anyway."

"Okay…" I said, getting lost in the memory of the dream.

_I was sitting in a clear glass box. I was all alone in the box, but there were thousands of people swarming around me, staring at me in my little box. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. There was no more air in the box. I was suffocating._

_I began to hit the walls, discovering that it wouldn't budge or break. I tried to gather the people's attention, but either they didn't see me or they didn't care._

_Suddenly, the crowd broke and I saw a mirror. There was an empty box with nothing inside. There was a plaque below the pedestal the box was sitting on. It read_

Nothing Girl _by Nahuel Menendez. I screamed and heard nothing._

"Jasper was holding me when I woke myself up screaming," I said quietly. "It was terrifying."

Jacob was stiff, and I pulled away from him to look at his face. He was glaring at nothing, jaw clenched, his dark eyes nearly black.

"Jacob? Jakey? Anybody home?" I waved my hand in front of his face.

"Why didn't you let me kill him yesterday?" he said through clenched teeth. "Today is going to be long."

I took a deep breath, then followed his gaze. Nahuel, leaning against the wall across the gym, looking spectacularly indifferent. Jane was talking to him, flipping her hair around, flirting shamelessly. She wishes he was free game. I looked back to Jacob and put my hand over his eyes.

"Better?"

He loosened up a little, smirking and taking my hand off of his face, but not letting it go. "I guess. Just stay near me and I won't have an excuse to throttle him."

"Deal," I said, looping my fingers through his and lifting our joined hands. "See, you're stuck to me."

He gave me a full grin this time. "Yeah, because it's so hard to get free from your nine-year-old sized hands."

I offered him a little grin. "But would you want to?"

He looked down and got a pinkish tinge to his cheeks, then looked back up to me with a hesitantly shy smile. "You know I wouldn't."

I glanced over my shoulder to see if Nahuel was looking my way. Childish, but I was curious. He wasn't though. He was still being crowded by Jane. I looked at Jacob and bit my lip. "Good. I have a feeling I'm gonna need you close."

"Thank God for the same schedule, huh? Probably can save me a few thousand detentions…"

The bell rang overhead, and the gym began to empty. We stood to leave, and none other than Nahuel came up to us.

"Nessie, please talk to me, listen to me," he begged, not even giving me a chance to think.

"No," I said firmly, despite my flipping stomach and aching heart.

"Nessie, please," he said, holding his hands up in surrender. "I was wrong and stupid, I can't believe I did what I did."

"Wait nine months," I said bitterly. "You will."

"I don't want you to hate me, I want you to forgive me."

Jacob was tensing up at my side, making my hand go numb.

"That's the thing," I said weakly. "I have forgiven you. I just can't trust you anymore."

"Fine, then I want you to trust me," Nahuel pressed. "What can I do?"

Jacob's hand grew impossibly tighter on my own. "Don't ask for what you don't deserve," he said fiercely.

Nahuel didn't say anything, so I finally jumped in. "We have to get to class. Goodbye, Nahuel."

He didn't follow when Jacob and I walked away, toward homeroom.

**A/N: So review please. More to come soon, hopefully. **

**~Sidney**


	5. Camp Out

**I'm really getting into this. I've hit the ground running, and I'm just obsessed with it right now. I've said before, the content of this is more serious than most of my fun and fluffy stories, so prepare for d-d-d-drama at some point or another. Much thanks to all of my fantastic reviewers! This has gotten amazing feedback, and I'm super smilie over the reviews. Also much thanks to my beta, the always awesome **Lucas McDrake**. Even though I'm starting to think he's just my beta to read everything before the other peoples... JK, help is needed with my spelling problemos. I don't own Twilight, and I'm gonna shut up with this outrageously rambly author's note.**

The weekend didn't come fast enough. Emily didn't show up to school until Friday, and she looked as if she could burst into tears at any moment. Nahuel, when brave enough to talk to me, had been begging and begging for trust, but with Jacob at my side, I was strong. My family didn't object when Jacob and I got home Friday afternoon and packed up to go to the fort.

"Be careful, and leave your phones on," my father said, hugging me and kissing my head.

"And if it starts raining at all, come back here, no exceptions," my mother instructed, following suit.

Living in Forks, needless to say we were back at my house before nine. But before we made camp in the living room, we had an interesting conversation in the old fort.

"If he proved himself to you, would you take him back?" Jacob asked me, the expression on his face unreadable.

"No," I said, answering before I could think. "It wouldn't be the same. That night would have still happened, and he'd still be a father and have experience. I'm not interested in that."

"You're saying you want to be with a…" Jacob asked, smirking. I knew where he was going.

"I guess so, I just want someone who isn't tied to someone else in some way," I said, sighing. "Are you a- Have you ever-"

"No, same Jacob here," he said, laughing. "Why do you ask?"

"Just making sure my best friend didn't hit a major milestone without telling me," I said defensively. "You'll tell me, though, right?"

He laughed. "You'll be the first to know. Not that I have any plans to at the moment."

"Why, no one got your eye?" I teased, giving him a playful shove.

"Ness, you of all people know I'm not like most guys," he said matter-of-factly. "I'm not on the lookout for action like the rest of the male student body. And after everything that's going on lately…"

"What?"

"I just-"

__

Crash.

Cue rain. We grabbed our still rolled sleeping bags and made a mad dash for Jacob's bike, speeding to my house through the woods. Emmett was waiting at the door with towels in hand, because he somehow knew we'd be soaked.

"That lasted," he teased, wrapping me up in the towel and hugging me.

"Longer than I could have hoped," I said, shrugging. "The sun actually went down this time."

He laughed his booming laugh, then kissed my nose. "Rose is going through another name kick, so I'm gonna be locked away for a while. Night, babe. Night, Jake."

"Night, Em," was our harmonic reply, making us giggle like loons.

After changing into dry clothes, we set up camp in the living room. We got a few old blankets and sheets, every couch pillow in the room, and every kind of sweet and sugary and unhealthy food we could manage. We created a huge and comfy pile, where we laid and filled ourselves with sugar and rotted our brains with Nick at Nite. After a while of light conversation and goofing off, we got a little tired.

"Jacob?" I asked, pulling a blanket up to my neck, nestling down into our pile.

"Yeah?" he asked, yawning and laying on his stomach next to me.

"What were you going to say back there, before the thunder?"

"Nothing important," he mumbled, resting his head close to mine.

"Oh, okay." I yawned hugely. "I think I may sleep until noon."

"I second that."

I laughed a little. "Thanks for everything."

He lifted his head a little to meet my gaze. "Don't thank me. I wouldn't be a good friend if I left you to deal with this on your own."

I smiled. "You're the best, Jakey. Night."

"Night, Ness. Wake me if you need me."

"You got it."

It was two in the morning when I woke up with my face raw from tears and Jacob shaking my arm.

"Ness, Nessie, honey, wake up!" he was whispering urgently.

I was curled up on my side, hair strewn in my face and damp from my tears. I reached a hand up to help Jacob with pushing my hair off my face. I saw Jacob's worried expression and felt more tears leaving my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "What did I do?"

Jacob looked hesitant. "You were running or something, kicking your legs, then you got scared and started whimpering 'please, please, let me out' and you… You screamed."

I buried my face in my hands. "Ugh, I was locked in some kind of mirror labyrinth building. There weren't doors or windows or anything, but I could hear people talking through the mirrors, and every time I went around a corner no one was there."

Jacob laid a hand on my forehead and then on my cheek. "Nessie, can I ask you something?"

I sat up and wiped my face with the hem of my t-shirt. "Sure, shoot."

"Are you over him?" he asked shyly, not meeting my gaze.

I thought for a few minutes. "I guess you could say I'm over him, but I'm not over how he treated me. I don't know when I'll be over it."

Jacob took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "I'm sorry."

"No," I said, sighing. "I'm sorry. You warned me and I didn't listen. And now I'm stuck."

"I hate him," Jacob said, lowly, looking furiously at his lap. "I hate him for what he's putting you through."

I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, hugging him tightly. "You're the best!"

__

Crash!

We jumped a mile into the air.

"What was that?" I whispered nearly inaudibly.

"I don't know, I was sitting right here!" Jacob whispered back.

I stood up and crept to the door to get an umbrella from the stand. Jacob did the same and pushed me behind him. We crept to the kitchen, where more crashing was coming from. We got to the door and stormed in, making the source of the noise scream, which made me scream, which made Jacob raise his umbrella to strike before he realized it was Rosalie.

"Jeez, Rose!" I said, gasping for breath. "What the heck was that noise?"

"I was looking for the chips," she replied, one hand on her heaving chest, one on her swollen tummy. "You scared your nephew, by the way."

"Sorry, you know you could have woken someone up less violently to actually help you," I said, walking to the cupboard she had been attempting to climb.

"Everyone was fast asleep," she said.

"We weren't," Jacob said, dropping his umbrella finally. "Nessie, don't-"

But I was already climbing up the shelves like a monkey, up to the top shelf where we had a surplus of any chip you could want. I tossed a bag down to her, then went to jump down.

"Don't you dare-" Jacob attempted again, just as I was coming down, landing crouched on the tile. "You never listen to me."

"Nope," I said, then turned to Rosalie. "Has he been kicking?"

She smiled. "Yeah, you want to feel?"

I grinned as she tugged her loose tank top up and took my hand gently. She laid it gently on the side of her stomach, where I felt a light bump. "Whoa! Hi baby, I'm your aunt Nessie!" I said softly, earning another little kick. "He knows I'm talking to him."

"Yeah, he's a daddy's boy, he starts kicking the second Em enters the room," she said, grinning. "Emmett keeps me awake sometimes playing with him."

I laughed a little at that. It was too cute, and too Emmett. "I take it you had no luck with names?"

"Nope, Emmett kept getting distracted," she said, rolling her eyes and opening the bag of chips. "I'm going to sit down."

I followed and Jacob pulled out both of our seats, then went to get something to drink.

"What was he doing this time?" I asked.

Rosalie made a face over the top of the chip bag. "Reading the book and making terrified faces."

I smiled then sighed, looking at the table with a sad expression.

"Nessie, you can talk to me if you want," she said suddenly, looking seriously at me. "I know I'm not your sister by blood, but I love you like a sister, and I might be a better aid than your brothers in some of this."

I gave her a small smile. "Thanks Rose, I love you too, but I'm not ready to talk about this with my family. Not yet anyway."

She patted my hand. "I'm here for you. When this little monster gets out we can have a shopping day. I'm gonna need Mommy clothes."

I giggled. Beauty Queen Rosie in Mommy clothes, too funny. "Deal."

Jacob sat down next to me and handed me and Rose each a bottle of water. "What'd I miss?"

"Nothing," I said, sticking my tongue out at him. "Girl stuff."

After Rose went back to bed, Jacob and I went back to the living room and laid on our sides, talking, since I was still shaken from the dream. We talked about my nephew, about the upcoming break, and eventually we made it to the events of the week.

"So," Jacob said quietly. "You never told me how it all went down, how you found out."

I chewed on my lip thoughtfully. "Guess I didn't. Well, I think I'd mentioned to you that he was acting really distant that day, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I found him in the courtyard when the last bell rang, and he and Emily were arguing," I said, recalling the scene vividly. "He was refusing to accept it and she was crying trying to hammer it into his thick head. She saw me and started crying harder and apologizing. I put two and two together and told him off, then you know the rest."

Jacob looked mad again. "Did he tell you why?"

"Well, you were here when he was trying to apologize and I was yelling at him."

Jacob laughed bitterly. "I wasn't exactly in a place to listen to you, sorry."

"Well, it's because…" I blushed thinking about it. "He was jealous, he thinks we're in love or something, and he saw you kiss my cheek. It just…didn't go over well with him. But he knew we were a packaged deal, he was being immature and now he has to live with his mistake."

Jacob didn't say anything for a moment. "Really? _Really_?"

I smiled a little at his confounded look. "See? He's an idiot."

Jacob shook his head. "Wow, he's- wow. That is…something else."

"Yeah. That's about the time I started screaming at him."

"Ah, well, at what point did you run away; what did he say that just fed you up so much that you couldn't look at him anymore?" he asked, looking intensely into my eyes.

"He tried to apologize and explain himself." I felt myself losing my strong exterior. "How did I get myself into this?"

"Hey, hey, hey," Jacob said, lifting a hand to my cheek. "Hey, you didn't do anything."

"What if that was it? What if I wasn't a good enough girlfriend?"

Jacob used his thumb to wipe my fresh tears away. "I was there the whole time. You were better to him than he ever deserved."

"But what if I wasn't pretty or smart or popular enough?" I asked, starting to cry _again_.

Jacob gave up on wiping away my tears and instead hugged me close, letting me ruin yet another t-shirt. "You're the top of the class, popularity had never concerned you, and you're incredibly beautiful."

"You're just saying that because you have to," I said, sniffling.

He chuckled and ran his fingers through my hair. "No, I'm not, Nessie. You're a great girl, you were just played, and that's not your problem."

"But why did he do it? Am I an easy target? Was it funny or something?"

"I'm glad you're finally opening up, but why would you think those things? You did nothing wrong, and you're such a great person, you didn't deserve this. Nahuel Menendez was a coward and a wimp and he isn't worth your tears."

I sniffled and tried to stop crying for a few minutes while Jacob held me. I contemplated his words while I did so, so my next question didn't come for some time. "Why would someone who said I meant so much treat me that way?"

Jacob sighed. "I have no idea. I hate that you had to be hurt this way."

"You and me both."

"Well, you're better off without him," he said decidedly. "You deserve someone that treats you like you're the best thing that ever happened to him."

"I love you, Jake, you know that?"

"I love you too, Ness," he said, giving me a squeeze. "Go to sleep, we'll find something fun to do tomorrow, we need a fun day to ourselves."

I nestled down into the pile when Jacob let me go, then took his hand and twined my fingers through his, soon falling asleep.

**A/N: Reviews are loved and appreciated!**

**~Sidney**


	6. Friends Forever

**So next chapter! It seems like a long filler to me, but you guys review and tell me what you think. I don't own anything you recognise, so yeah.**

**Dedication: My fantabulous reviewers! And my okay-ish beta(jk, don't kill me!). **

"Nessie?" a voice called through a haze. "Nessie, wake up, it's noon."

I groaned and tried to resist consciousness. It was the best sleep I'd gotten since _that day_. "No, I'm sleeping."

"You've been sleeping for hours, you need to wake up."

"No, I don't wanna."

My blanket was suddenly ripped from me, and the chilly air was biting my newly exposed skin.

"No!"

"Yes!" the voice laughed. I was awake enough to know who it was, and who needed to be assassinated.

"Emmett!" I screeched, jumping up and punching him in the chest weakly.

"Nessie, Nessie, Nessie, have I taught you nothing?" he laughed, dropping my blanket and taking my fist. "Jab straight, not sideways."

I glared at him, muttering, "I'll jab you."

"Well, yeah, but you'll break your hand if you don't learn how to."

I ignored him and went to the kitchen for something to shut up my growling stomach. Jacob was already awake and stuffing himself, as always. How he eats so much and maintains his perfect physique will always be a mystery. I helped myself to one of the waffles that my mother must have saved from everyone else's normal breakfast and sat next to Jacob.

"Any ideas for today?" I asked him.

"You wanna go to the beach? We can't swim but we can have a picnic or something; explore some of the rocks, maybe," he replied through a mouthful of food.

"Are there any rocks left to explore? Didn't we pretty much cover that before age ten?"

"Well, we can still hang out, maybe you can visit my dad. He's been complaining that he never sees you anymore," he laughed, swallowing this time.

"That sounds fun, I guess the last time I was there was a month or so ago."

"Nice, we have a plan. Now we need to hurry or it'll be dark before we get to anything."

I immediately started eating as fast as I could. Getting ready was a mad dash. We had to dress warm, pack heavily(since _someone _is a bottomless pit), and get going. Soon, though, with an order to be home by six, we were flying down the road on the motorcycle, beach bound.

The beach was nice, chilly, but we had a blast. We made a tiny fire and ate every ounce of food we brought, except for a small care package my mother had packed for Jacob's father. When we put out the fire and the ashes were cool enough to touch, we went to look at the tide pools and rocks nearby. I was transfixed by the colorful stones on the ground, and started arranging them around by color. Jacob watched, laughing at my childishness, while I arranged a few stones into a rainbow, then wrote in the sand 'Jacob and Nessie' in the arch of the rainbow. I grinned when he stopped laughing. He dropped to his knees and wrote under it, 'forever.' We smiled at each other, then ran off to get our stuff and head to the Blacks' house.

We pulled into the gravel driveway of the modest home, red and aged, but one of my favorite places to go because it held the best company you could ever have. Billy Black, Jacob's father, was opening the door before we even dismounted.

"Nessie!" was his delighted cry across the yard.

"Billy!" I returned, dismounting and jogging over to him.

"You need to visit more, I think you've grown since I saw you last," he said, grabbing my arm and pulling me down for a hug. Yeah, the Blacks are huggers.

"A month ago?" I laughed, returning the hug as Jacob came up behind me.

"He's just shrinking, everyone's growing to him," Jacob said, rolling his eyes as we went inside. "He tells me I'm growing everyday."

"Because you are," I said, elbowing him playfully.

"Not so fast that he can see it day to day," he said, trying to come up with something to counter my point.

"Whatever," I laughed. "I was joking."

"Well, Nessie, what have you been doing that was so important that you couldn't visit an old man in a wheelchair?" Billy said, pulling the guilt card out, ready as always.

I smiled ruefully. "Wasting my time on some loser."

"Ah, yes, the Menendez kid. Never liked him," he said, shaking his head.

"_Dad_," Jacob hissed, glaring incredulously at his father.

"It's okay, Jake," I said, going to sit down. "Everyone's gonna know sooner or later."

Jacob followed me and sat next to me, leaning back.

"He isn't worth it," Billy said decidedly, rolling around the couch to face us.

"That's what everyone keeps saying," I said quietly, looking at my lap.

"Well, I don't want to discuss bad eggs, why don't you tell me what's been going on in Cullen town?" Billy suggested, reminding me of my delivery.

"Oh, Mom sent you something," I said, leaning down to get the food bag from beside Jacob's feet. I pulled out the smaller bag we'd brought and tossed it to him. "Here."

"Thank her for me," he said, digging through the contents and grinning appreciatively. "Your sister-in-law popped yet?"

I laughed. "No, we're thinking she could any day now, but there's still two months to go. Obviously it's Emmett's kid."

"Is Carlisle still saving lives?"

"He likes to think," I said, rolling my eyes. "He's so annoyingly modest when he's talking about the newest emergency surgery he's done to remove the keys a toddler swallowed or…reattach someone's decapitated cranium."

We all laughed at my absurd comment, then continued catching up. Apparently, the Atearas, cousins of the Blacks, were expanding their shop, which was the only one in the reservation they lived on. They were also thinking of shutting down the small school on the reservation, since many of the rez kids chose to commute fifteen minutes to Forks High, like Jacob, rather than attend it. When Billy suggested we go out back to the garage since we hadn't in a while, Jacob quickly objected.

"It's a mess," he said quickly. "Not fit to hang out in right now."

I laughed. "Since when is it not a mess? You can hardly go in there without getting an oil stain on your clothes."

"It's worse, there's stuff everywhere."

"You hiding bodies down there, Jake?" Billy asked, chuckling. "Maybe I need to check up on you out there more."

"_Dad_," Jacob groaned, rubbing his temples. "I just don't feel like heading down there today."

"Sure, sure," Billy said, rolling his eyes and rolling toward the kitchen. "You want anything to drink, Nessie?"

"You have Coke?" I asked, making a face at Jacob, then leaning over close to him and mouthing 'what's wrong?' to him.

"Yeah," Billy called back, while Jacob leaned a little closer and mouthed 'don't worry about it.'

'Whatever' I mouthed back, just as Billy reentered.

"Secrets don't make friends," he said loudly, making us snap away from each other.

"Neither do old gossips, but it doesn't stop you," Jacob returned, making me giggle.

"Well, here's your drinks, I'm going to the Clearwaters' place. Harry just got a new flat screen. Also, if you see Bella, tell her to tell Charlie he left his bait box last time he was down," Billy said, handing us two chilled cans of soda and then leaving.

We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, sipping our drinks, making faces at each other. Finally Jacob spoke, looking contemplative.

"You say you're over him, right?" he asked, looking at his hands, fidgeting with the can.

"Yeah," I said. "I guess. I don't want him anymore, if that means the same thing." How many times had I answered this question?

"I guess it does," he said. "Well, you said you're not over how he treated you. What if you decide you want someone else sometime soon; would you act on it?"

I bit my lip. I hadn't thought about that. With Nahuel, I'd just lived day to day, when it had to do with him, anyway. I never thought of anything long term with him. But now, I guess I wasn't tied down. _Would _I find someone else, or was I destined to be all alone? "I don't know. If someone _were_ to want me, I think I'd be too afraid of getting my heart broken again. At least right now."

"But one day, would you?" he asked quietly.

"Well, yeah. I want to get married and have a family and all that jazz, but this is going to be in my head for a long time," I said, toying with the pop tab on my can.

"Good, and I'll approve of the next one," he announced. "I won't let you think about him if he isn't perfect."

I smiled. "My Jacob, ever the protector."

"That's me," he said, smiling at me. He pulled his phone out of his pocket suddenly, then made a comical eye-popping face. "Oh, crap, it's five thirty!"

"Oh, crap!" I repeated. "I gotta get home!"

"C'mon, call your family and tell them we're coming," Jacob said, jumping up and taking my can to throw away while I dialed Jasper.

"Hey, Jazz, tell Mom and Dad I'll be home in twenty," I said urgently.

"You're cutting it close!" he said, in that annoying 'I have something to hold over you' way.

"I know, that's why I'm telling you we'll be there in twenty. Bye!"

The ride home broke a few road laws, but not many other people around, luckily. In exactly seventeen minutes, we were pulling up in front of my house. I made a mad dash for the door just as someone was opening the door to come out.

_Crash!_

"Ouch!" the person squeaked.

"Ow!" I huffed. "Oh, I'm sorry, Alice!"

"It's fine," she said, starting to giggle breathlessly. "No harm done, I think."

"I'm almost late," I explained.

"You forgot something," Jacob was saying, holding the food bag up and walking up the stairs.

"Yeah, I figured I'd make an appearance, then get it," I said, taking it from him.

"Well, you know only Jasper and Rosalie are home, right?" Alice said, looking confused.

I internally cursed my brother. "Which is why I'm going to kill him _and_ Emmett now."

She smirked. "I take it he didn't mention that to you?"

"No, he did not, and you may not have a boyfriend when I finish with him," I said, already plotting feminizing attacks on him.

She blushed a little at him being called her boyfriend, then laughed. "Well, try to go easy on him. I might have been distracting him just a little."

I made a face. "See you later."

"Bye, guys."

I stormed inside, bent on destruction. With Jacob on my heels laughing hysterically, I found my brother in the currently-under-renovation nursery, taking orders on how arrange some photos on a shelf from Rosalie. "Jasper Brent Cullen, why the hell did you make me think I was in trouble?"

He looked up from the floor, where a dozen or more photo frames were spread around. "Fun."

I gave him my best death glare. "We broke about five traffic laws!"

"Oh, well, like you don't already," he said, picking up an ultrasound photo. "What's this for?"

"To show what he looked like before he was born," Rosalie said, pouting and rubbing her stomach. "_Before _he gave me these stretch marks and made me eat more food in a day than I did in my childhood life."

Jasper shook his head and rolled his eyes, muttering, "Okay, we can officially say you had your psychotic mood today…"

"I'm not done with you!" I said, crossing my arms. "We sped, we ran signs, we passed a tractor in the no passing zone, we nearly hydroplaned!"

"Well, you're alive, no one's home, and I'm busy helping Mom-zilla," he said, not even looking up when Rosalie smacked him in the back of the head over the arm of her rocking chair.

"You're so annoying!" I huffed, then stormed out and up to my room, Jacob _still _laughing like a loon. "Will you shut up?"

Jacob just gave me a cheesy grin. "Sorry, my inner brother is kicking in. I'm getting all new material for torturing the twins next time they visit home."

I gave him a look. "You're lucky they didn't dress you up as a girl and give you an identity crisis."

He laughed. "Oh, they tried, until I ate their lipstick and tried to disembody their Barbie dolls. Then they started trying to frame me for stuff."

I rolled my eyes and went into my bathroom, looking for my make-up bag. I got out a tube of lipstick I didn't use often, then sneaked down to Jasper's room. On his small mirror on the back of his door, I wrote 'You're lucky I didn't have a permanent marker!' then got out of there quickly, smirking in triumph.

"What did you do?" Jacob asked when I got back to my room. He was laying on my bed, smirking knowingly at me.

"Nothing bad, just…pretty."

The look he gave me was funny, but the shouts I heard later were gold.

Sunday was much like Saturday, but Monday, I was in for a rude awakening.

**A/N: Well, the next chapter really jumps into some more of the serious stuff, so review and more is to come soon!**

**~Sidney**


	7. Whispers

**This, as sadistic as it sounds, was actually one of my favorite chapters to write, so far. I LOVE the response I'm getting! I'm having a Sally Fields moment, 'You like me! You really like me!' Thank you guys so so SO much for all the fantastic reviews that make me all smilie, and thank you my anonomous reviewers that I wish I could thank in a reply! I don't own Twilight, and this chapter is dedicated to... I don't know, it's dedicated to whoever reviews it, just so see if even more people will review!**

Monday is when the whispers started. The stares, the apologetic looks, and the variations. Those were killer. The second I dismounted Jacob's bike, I heard them. I looped my arm through Jacob's and readied myself.

"I heard she wouldn't so he went to Emily instead," I heard someone whispering- that is, until Jacob cast them a death glare as we walked by.

"I heard that she was cheating on him with her best friend," someone else was saying. "That she had been for months, and he found out, so Emily was comforting him."

That one wasn't even worthy of a look.

"Well, _I _heard that she wasn't even serious about it. She didn't even introduce him to her family after three months, but Black knew more about her than he did, so he got fed up... Now look what happened."

The people that weren't making up their own stories were casting me sad looks and patting me on the back. By the end of the day, I was emotionally exhausted. Just as we were walking out to the parking lot, we ran into Nahuel, who now decided to go from begging to burning.

"You're so glad this happened, aren't you?" he said bitterly. "Now you can be with him without worrying about being accused of cheating on me."

If that wasn't enough, none other than Jane was talking to a few of her cronies on the sidewalk, her back to me. "She's such a harlot. She's practically glued to Jacob, like nothing's been happening _there_, and she gets Nahuel, too? She had it coming, I say. Nahuel just saw too late, so he had to act fast and get away from that freak gene pool."

I brushed past her swiftly, Jacob in tow, not looking back.

"I think she heard you," one of her friends whispered.

When we got to my house, I stormed in, rushing past Edward and Bella to my room, Jacob on my heels. I made it into my room, dropping my stuff, then rushed to my bathroom, locking the door and leaning against it, sobbing into my hands.

"Nessie!" Jacob called through the door. "Nessie, please open up."

"No!" I choked back.

"Nessie, open the door!" came Edward's voice. "Please, just come out."

"No, I want to be alone," I called back.

They kept trying to persuade me, even Bella trying to help a little, then they gave up and let me be. When I was dry-sobbing, out of tears, I washed my face and opened the door. Jacob had been sitting against it, and nearly fell back when I swung the door open. I went to my bed and flopped down on my face, not wanting him to see me all red and puffy. He sat next to me and rubbed my back, combing his fingers through my bronze curls occasionally.

"Why are they making this _my _problem?" I demanded to my bedspread.

"Because people are hateful and love gossip. This is pretty big for Forks, and you're the questionable pawn. People are taking sides for you, either you were treated wrong, or you deserved it," Jacob said, brushing my hair to the side in an attempt to see my face.

A light knock came from the door frame. "She came out, I see," Edward said, coming to sit on the other side of me, Bella following him and sitting in my computer chair. "What exactly happened?"

I turned my head to my older brother, getting air but not showing Jacob my blotchiness. Edward, along with the rest of the family, had seen me at my worst. Then again, so had Jacob. "People have decided I'm the reason for my troubles."

"How immature," Edward muttered. "It'll pass, trust me."

I looked up at him. "Edward, this is the biggest thing at Forks High since Coach Leopard married his senior student a week after graduation."

"And soon something else will get their attention," Bella assured me.

My look hardened. "I doubt it. Do you know happened when we were heading to the parking lot?"

"What?" she and Edward asked in unison.

"Someone said I was a harlot and deserved it, because I was with Jacob and Nahuel at the same time, and that Nahuel was smart to get out of my 'freak gene pool'," I said bitterly. "Oh, and Nahuel has gone from begging for forgiveness to being a jerk because he thinks I've moved to Jacob now."

Edward's look darkened significantly at my words. "Who called you a harlot?"

"Well," I said, huffing. "Everyone's thinking it, I'm sure, but Jane Tory said it out loud."

Edward didn't look happy. In fact, he looked murderous. Bella's eyes widened and she shook her head incredulously.

"Look, don't say anything to Mom and Dad, they'll flip," I said, hiding my face in my comforter again.

"Which is why I should!" he argued. "No one has any right to treat you like that."

"Get a time machine, go back two months, tell Nahuel that, and let's see what happens," I said.

Jacob pushed his hand under my hair and started working at the knots in my neck. "I agree with your brother, Nessie. You can't go everyday with people acting like that to you, you need to put a stop to it."

I groaned. "I don't want my family getting involved. They already think I'm a freak as it is; if I sic my big brothers on them I'll get called a spoiled brat, too."

"How do you think Emily is getting through this?" Edward asked. "The Youngs are being supportive and understanding. I was speaking to her brother just yesterday and their whole family is making plans. Their parents are transforming the kids' old playroom into a nursery, their grandparents are going through storage for old baby clothes, and the Weber family-you, know the preacher and his wife and kids- their all helping out as well. The least you can do is let Dad talk to the principal about you getting called names and having rumors spread about you."

I took a moment to clear my head and take it all in. Emily was the one with the life changing event, I was just suffering the aftershocks of my ex-boyfriend's mistakes. I needed to get a reality check and remember I wasn't the one who had to live with this the rest of my life. I just got to be a spectator. "Fine. Just not yet, if it hasn't let up by Friday, _then_ you can tell Mom and Dad."

"Deal," Edward said, after a moment of hesitation. "But I'm picking you up from school Friday, I want to see if I can pick up anything. I see something I don't like and Mom and Dad are told."

"Fine," I agreed reluctantly.

"Okay, well, I'll leave you alone now," he said, getting up and walking out.

"Call me, Nessie, if you need anything," Bella said, coming to my bedside and stooping for a moment, giving me a one armed hug, very affectionate for Bella. "I'm sure Charlie could give you some legal advice." She winked as she said the last part.

"Thanks, Bella," I said, peeking at her through some of my hair.

She gave a little nod, said to Jacob, "Tell Billy Charlie invited him up for the big game next weekend," and left.

Jacob then released a particularly tight knot and I moaned in relief. "Thanks, Jake."

"Your welcome," he said, soothing the muscles with his fingers. "You really should listen to your brother."

"I should but I won't," I said stubbornly, moving a hand to push my hair all the way over my head, giving Jacob better access to my tense muscles. "I'll figure something out. It's just the first day; how bad can it get?"

Note to anyone visiting the inside of my mind: _never_ ask 'how bad can it get?', because the answer…

Just don't ask.

I should have listened to Edward and Jacob. Though neither said 'I told you so', I know it was going through their heads. We got out of the last class after that week, through break, and then another week of sad glances and different rumors, I thought I was doing well. Edward didn't see anything that bothered him Friday, but insisted on picking me up the Friday after break as well. It seemed to be getting a little better for me, almost good, even. That is, until instead of aiming for my back, someone spoke their thoughts straight to me.

Jacob and I were walking out to the parking lot when I spied Edward, leaning against his Volvo, and waved, getting his attention. He smiled and walked up the sidewalk, toward us. Then Jane Tory stepped into the path, obviously not seeing him, and came up to me.

"How's it feel to be the second most pitied girl at Forks High?" she asked, crossing her arms and smiling falsely.

"Jane, I have to-" I tried, attempting to walk past her, but she cut me off.

"Just to let you know, I see through you're little act," she said, spitting the words at me, her face now twisted in a malicious sneer. "You're just loving all this attention you're getting, aren't you? You get all the pity because you're boyfriend was bad and went off to play with Emily."

"Jane, just-" Jacob tried to interrupt.

"_I _know you just like the attention," she spat. "You're just putting on a show for everyone, making them think you're this sad little girl who was done wrong, but _I _know you never really cared about him or you're 'best friend'. You're just a little _slut_ who wants every guy she sees. Like you and Black haven't been together, and I'll bet he's in on your little act, too. And if he isn't, better he find out now than later. But trust me, I'll make sure everyone knows it. You're just an attention hogging, faking _slut_."

I was stiff and my jaw refused to move by the end of her little speech. Jacob was shaking with anger, and would have probably ripped her bottle blonde pony-tail out of her stupid head if Edward didn't jump in first.

"You do _not_ talk to my sister that way, _ever_," he said, causing her to spin around in fear. "Stay away from my sister, and if you bother her again, don't doubt you're parents will be involved."

If I wasn't so immobile, I would have fussed at Edward for being so childish as to threaten, in simplest form, tattling. Jane didn't say anything else, but cast me a death glare and walked away, flipping her barely-saved hair over her shoulder.

Needless to say, the ride home was silent. Jacob rode his motorcycle to let off steam, saying he was going to his house to get something. Edward didn't even try to talk to me, he had to practically carry me to the car. I stood, shell shocked, for a moment after she left. Jacob continued to shake, and Edward waited patiently until one of us spoke.

"I need to go home, I have to get that DVD we were talking about watching tonight," Jacob finally said. He didn't even look at me when he brushed past Edward to his motorcycle, putting my bag in Edward's outstretched arms.

"Let's go home," Edward said to me, taking my arm and pulling me along to his car.

He didn't say anything, but I knew he was going to tell Mom and Dad and most likely everyone else. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, focusing on staying composed and thinking about what she had said.

I had three main thoughts rushing and racing through my head on the ride home. The first: they were getting brave. Jane Tory had the nerve to say in my face what everyone had been thinking. Or what everyone will think, if her venom penetrated the impressionable, gossip craving students of Forks High. The second: again with Jacob. Why didn't people believe that Jacob and I weren't hiding anything? We'd been friends since diapers, practically, and they were making that into a scandal. The final thought, though: did Jacob believe her? Did he really believe that maybe I wasn't as honest as he thought? Did he think I _used_ him? Was that why he refused to even look at me when he left?

"Nessie, we're home," Edward said, making me realize we were actually pulling into the driveway. He parked in the garage, and I took the back door through the laundry room and pantry area, a good way to avoid people, unless they were washing clothes or looking for preserved or canned food product.

I took the staircase behind the kitchen all the way up to my room, where I dropped all of my things, stripped down, then locked myself in my bathroom with the water as hot as possible. I scrubbed my entire body down, then brushed my teeth until they squeaked and brushed my hair until it frizzed up from friction. When I dressed in my pajamas, then went back into my room, Jacob still wasn't there, but I had a message on my vanity mirror in dry erase marker.

__

Nessie,  
I love you!  
Jasper

I wanted to cry when I read it, and I refused to erase it. Jane Tory and the others against me made me forget that people actually cared about me. They even made me think I deserved what they dished out, but my goofy brother's simple feel-good-note was enough to remind me otherwise. But Jacob was still absent, and I didn't know why. I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes, pretending that Jacob was there, massaging the back of my neck like he had the first time I heard Jane's vicious opinion. Suddenly, the imaginary massage was real, and before the first knot was gone, I was sitting up and throwing myself at Jacob, literally.

"Oh my- Jacob!" I squeaked, throwing my arms around his neck and squeezing for dear life. Over his shoulder, right in his ear, my rambling began. "I'm so, so sorry, what she said isn't true!"

"Ness, I-" he tried to interject, attempting to loosen himself.

"I would never use you, you're my best friend!" I continued, tearing up now, squeezing tighter at the prospect of him leaving again.

"Nessie, I just-" he choked.

"And I was so upset when you left because I thought you believed her and I couldn't stand it if you-" -he managed to wrench my arms from his neck and held me back to look him in the eye- "-didn't like me anymore."

"Oh, honey," he sighed, pulling me back tight to him, hugging me back finally. "Of course I didn't believe her."

"Then why did you run away?" I asked pitifully.

"Because I was going to _kill_ something if I didn't," he laughed, a little breathlessly from my arms locked on his neck. "Jane talking about getting everybody against you pissed me off. I was _seriously_ planning to rip her hair out."

I grinned to myself. "I knew it."

"I had to clear my head, I didn't want to comfort you until all thoughts of violence were gone," he said, running a hand up and down my spine soothingly.

We just kind of held each other for a few minutes, pouring all of our love and comfort into it through the silence. I finally pulled back and looked at him.

"How are you supposed to react when someone calls you a slut?" I asked seriously, cocking my head theatrically.

Jacob gave me a confused look, then realized I was joking around. "I don't know, I've never had the pleasure."

I rolled my eyes and laid my head on his shoulder, finally realizing I was in his lap but not wanting to move. "Are your legs numb yet?"

"No," he laughed.

I sat quiet for a minute. "Why didn't you look at me, when you were running away, I mean? That's what hurt the most, that you wouldn't look at me."

He sighed. "I'm sorry, I just didn't want to chase her, and if I saw your expression I would have. All I wanted to do was scoop you up and hug the life out of you, but I knew if I looked into your big brown eyes I would want to commit a murder."

I giggled. "My eyes have that much affect on you?"

He laughed. "Yes, because no matter how hard you try, you can't hide your emotions in them. I can always tell what you're feeling, which is why I feel so guilty now."

"What are you guilty for?" I asked. "You were saving us all from possible imprisonment."

"But when you were talking before and I made you let me go, you looked like you were about to cry, and I hated myself because I made you look like that," he said, giving me a squeeze.

"I feel so pathetic," I admitted. "I get upset because someone calls me a name and my best friend leaves my side for five minutes."

"Well, don't, I shouldn't have stormed off without an explanation," he said. "And for the record, I do like you; in fact I love you, and you should know that. No doubt there, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

I smiled and hugged him tighter, then got off his lap to allow him regular circulation. I decided instead to lay back down, hinting to Jacob, who laughed at my antics, to go back to my neck. "You're too good to me," I murmured, smiling as he relaxed knot after knot.

"Nah, my sisters get stress headaches, did since they were young, so I learned how to work out the kinks," he said, not losing pace. "It scored me big when they felt all better and wanted to take their baby brother out for a movie or ice cream."

I giggled. "Nice. Well, you'll have to settle with a payment of my insane family and the company of me."

He laughed. "I'd make the trade any day."

I sighed and let him continue to unknot my neck. "Only you."

"They don't know what they're missing."

**A/N: Eep, I had to add that last bit of fluff. You know me. PS- Like the new penname?**

**~Sidney**


	8. Family and Friends

**Longest chapter I think I've ever written. I think that deserves some reviews. I don't own. **

As I expected, Edward told my family about the event of the afternoon. Jacob and I had been hiding out in my room, talking about anything but the events of recent time, when my father knocked.

"Renesmee, Jacob, I would like to talk to you both, please," he said seriously. "Could you come to the dining room?"

"Sure, Dad," I said, sitting up on my bed and stretching.

"Yes, sir, Mr. Carlisle," Jacob said politely, standing from the computer chair he'd been occupying.

In the dining room, my mother and father sat us down with basically the rest of my family. Family meetings were exclusive events, and it took Rosalie two years of dating Emmett to be invited to one. Jacob only came if he was involved, though that was fairly often. This time, Bella was present, which was a first. I assumed once she finally gave my brother a clear answer to his proposal (though it was more of a demand; my brother is pushy), there'd be another one. I sat in my normal seat for these things, and Jacob sat right next to me, as per usual.

"Edward shared some highly disturbing news with us," my father said solemnly. "Do you know what it was?"

I nodded, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"Renesmee, why didn't you tell us yourself?" my mother asked concernedly.

I looked up at the ceiling, counting the light bulbs in it in my head. "It didn't seem relevant."

"What happened?" Emmett demanded, sounding confused.

"It's not relevant," I repeated, glaring at the ceiling, having lost count.

"Nessie," Edward said. "I was there, I saw it. Was it the first time someone said that to you?"

"Said what?" Jasper asked before Emmett got a chance.

"It was the first time someone said it to my face, but not the first time it was said," I answered, moving my gaze to the table top. "I don't see why everyone has to be involved in this. It's _my_ business, not the family's."

"Nessie, you are our business," my mother said sternly. "I won't allow someone to call you degrading, false titles."

"False titles?" I laughed bitterly. "Someone called me a slut. Big deal. At least someone said it to my face and not my back; it can't get worse now."

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, you are fifteen," my father said. "You have given no one a reason to be rude to you, you have done no wrong, this is unjust and it must be resolved."

"Mom, Dad, it's not going to change anything if you try to get involved," I said, finally looking at them. "No physical damage has been done to me, nothing can be fixed."

"Someone called you a _slut_?" Emmett burst out, breaking the silence I'd created.

"It's no big deal," I muttered, crossing my arms and leaning back in my chair.

"You were not put on this Earth to be treated badly," my mother said. "We only want for you to be happy."

"Well, I'm fine. What's a few nasty names?"

"Nessie," Jacob spoke up. "You don't deserve to be treated like you were today. You deserve so much better. Listen to your family."

My father stood. "First thing in the morning, I'm calling your principal, and we've already made plans for lunch with Arnold and Susan Tory."

"_Dad_!" I couldn't believe it. I couldn't disrespect my parents, but they were being extremely meddlesome and it could only make things worse.

"No arguments. You can go back to whatever you were doing," my mother said, standing and walking out. "Dinner in an hour."

The temper tantrum I was pitching in my head was giving me a major headache, and I had no one who'd let me scream at them, so I took some pain killer and went back into my room.

"I'm just going to change," Jacob said, grabbing his pajamas out of his overnight bag and going to my bathroom.

When he closed the door, I buried my face in my pillow and screamed until my throat burned. It was painful, and I'd feel it for a few days, but it got out my frustration temporarily. Jacob and I didn't do much before dinner. We decided to set up our sleeping area downstairs, but then we sat on opposite ends of the living room, watching some prank show with Emmett and Rosalie. Dinner was a quiet affair, half of us in our pajamas, no one really speaking, and I offered to help my mother and father clean up to make up for being rude to them earlier. They seemed to understand, and gave me super-bear-hug and kisses on the cheek before retiring for the night.

I went back into the living room and hung out with Jacob, my brothers, and Bella and Rosalie. Emmett was entertaining us all by being in Daddy-mode. Rosalie's shirt was pulled up and sitting on the top of her stomach while Emmett played with the baby by putting his hands on different places, pressing his cheek to it, or talking to it. It was adorable, and when the kicks slowed and the baby got tired, he kissed the last spot he felt a kick, then pulled Rose's shirt back down and put his arms around her, kissing her sweetly. It was heart-warming and shattering at the same time. It hurt so much to see people so in love as Emmett and Rosalie after everything, like I simply didn't deserve the happiness they shared. Rosalie got sleepy soon after the baby inside of her, so she and Emmett went up to bed.

"Does anyone else find that sickeningly adorable?" Jasper asked, making us laugh.

"Yes," Bella agreed, smiling at Emmett's retreating figure, supporting Rose up the staircase.

"It's so weird that the guy who used to pin me down until I screamed actually shows affection for something," Edward said, rolling his eyes.

Jasper shook his head. "He shows his love in different ways for different people. He tortured us, he spoiled Nessie and Rose, but this baby is really his and a part of him. He loves it unconditionally, even if it isn't born yet. It took him a while to do that for us, but I guess it's because he feels like its something he created."

"Okay, no more at home psychology lessons from you," Edward said, laughing. "Save it for your weird college."

Jasper huffed and didn't say anything else meaningful. No one was surprised when he decided to major in psychology, but his little random spurts of knowledge were highly annoying. Jasper was the next to leave, understandably.

Around ten, Bella decided she needed to get home. "Who knows what kind of trouble Billy and Charlie have gotten into?"

Jacob laughed. "Be careful, my dad thinks he's sexy when he's had one too many."

"Trust me, I know," Bella said, looking anxious for what she'd find in her home.

When she left, Edward got mopey and went to his room, leaving Jacob and I alone, finally. I gave Jacob the cold shoulder, staying curled in my chair for a little while, letting him figure out what was wrong for himself. After a while of cold silence, he finally said something.

"I'm not apologizing," he said, sitting on the floor below me and looking up into my face. "I agree with your parents and I'm not going to let you be a masochist. That's Edward's job."

I huffed. "I'm fine, I just need to get used to it."

"No, you need to let someone help you," Jacob argued.

"Look, I'm not going to slash my dad's tires or turn off his alarm clock. He can do what he wants, I just don't want to be a wimp."

Jacob sighed. "Fine. But get down here, it's lonely without you."

I rolled my eyes and climbed down from the chair and laid on the pile. "Okay, but I'm exhausted."

"Sleep, you need it," he said, laying next to me and throwing a big blanket over us. "Night, Nessie."

"Night, Jacob," I said, laying on my stomach and hiding my face in my pillow. In my pillow, I gave into that urge I'd had since the confrontation, and began to cry.

Of course he noticed my slight heaving. "Nessie, are you okay?" Jacob asked, putting a hand on my back.

"I-I'm fine," I said, swallowing hard.

Jacob ignored me and pulled me to his chest, letting me cry to him. I cried myself to sleep, falling asleep on his chest and resting well in the long run. It was actually quite comfortable, and it surely helped my feelings.

With a blessedly uneventful weekend, in which the Torys were alerted of Jane's behavior, Monday was better than a lot of the days had been. Jane Tory avoided me, the principal called me for a meeting, in which he told me to go straight to my counselor if there were any other confrontations, and I made two unexpected friends.

"Nessie!" someone called across the courtyard during break. "Nessie, Jacob, wait up!"

It was Emily's best friend, Alicia, and Alicia's brother Caleb; the Weber twins. Their older sister had been friends with Edward and Bella.

"Nessie," Alicia managed, panting for breath after her Olympic dash across the courtyard. "I wanted to talk to you."

"We," Caleb supplied, making a face at her.

"We," she corrected. "We just wanted to tell you, we saw Jane and what she did to you Friday, and we want you to know she's wrong."

"Yeah," Caleb jumped in. "You're not what she called you. Emily told us everything, and we just wanted to tell you that you're worth more than what Jane Tory thinks."

"We're so sorry we didn't jump in to defend you, but I hope you understand that we just had to talk to Emily."

I smiled at them. "Thank you, I understand. How is she? I haven't seen her around."

Alicia got a forlorn look. "She's being home schooled. Not to keep it private, but because she's going to have a lot of trouble when she's further along, so she's leaving for all of sophomore year."

"Oh, okay," I said, then had a sudden impulse. "Well, will you pass along something for me?"

"Um, sure," Caleb said, casting Alicia a confused look.

I scrambled for my bag to get a pen and paper. I scrawled something down quickly, then gave it to Alicia before I could rethink it. She and her brother read it, then smiled at me.

"We'll give it to her," Alicia said, then hug-attacked me. "We're rooting for you."

Then they disappeared. Or, they ran away quickly, because the bell rang.

"Wow, they're energetic," Jacob said, staring in shock for a second, then looked at me. "What did you write?"

I smiled. "My phone number and 'I'm on your side'."

Jacob beamed and threw an arm around me. "You're something else."

Tuesday afternoon, Jacob had a dentist's appointment, so I had to wait for Jasper to pick me up, which wasn't going to be until three thirty. I was sitting on a picnic table, working on my Algebra II/Trig homework, when none other than Jane Tory walked up to me.

"Nice move, telling Mommy and Daddy on me," she sneered. "And look, your little body guard isn't here."

"Jane, leave me-"

"Listen, _Cullen_, if I'm getting in trouble for telling the truth, you're going down for being a wimp and a slut," she said, looking murderous. "Be prepared, you won't win. I'm going to let people see you for what you are."

I got up and stalked away, choosing to ignore her. I had a sickening feeling that this was not the end. And boy, was I right. Jazz picked me up and we headed home. The threat from Jane Tory made me feel sick to my stomach, and I started pacing around, growing weak and exhausted. Emmett walked past my door and his eyes bugged out.

"Ness, you're as a pale as a ghost!" he said, coming in and grabbing my face. He felt my forehead and cheeks. "You're burning up! You need to get in bed, I think you're sick."

"Yeah, sick," I mumbled, going to my closet. Honestly, the idea of the bed was sounding good. When I crawled into my bed, Emmett pulled my computer chair up and sat next to me.

"I told Mom I'd take care of you," he said. "It'll be good practice. Are you feeling okay?"

I shook my head. "Tired, I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Well, are you cold?"

"Yeah," I said, burrowing into the covers as he was speaking the question.

"I'll have to get Dad to know for sure, but maybe you have the flu," he said, reaching a hand up to push back my hair.

"Nah, it's stress," I said, my eyes drooping at his touch.

"It could be, but you have the symptoms, and it's the time of year you usually get it," he said, patting my cheek.

"I'm sleepy. Stop touching me," I said, nesting down and swatting him away.

"Fine, but I'll be right here."

When I woke up, who knows how much later, my father was standing over me. When he saw I was awake, he smiled. "Your brother's a better father than you kids give him credit for."

I laughed a little. "Flu, then?"

"I'm not sure, you'll have to come to the hospital with me tomorrow to know for sure," he said. "But no school for you for a few days."

I groaned. "Lovely. I don't know where I got sick."

"School," he answered simply. "It's crawling with germs."

"Well, that's a visual I didn't need; thanks Daddy," I said, smirking up at him.

"Well, come down for dinner," he said. "Your mother made your favorite."

He helped me up and I went downstairs to the kitchen to eat with my family. My mother had made spaghetti with chicken tomato sauce, my favorite for as long as I could remember. My remaining uneasiness faded a bit when I smelled it wafting through the room, and everyone was in a pretty good mood, which helped my own. For the first time in a while, it was just the family. Rosalie was out with Bella and Alice, Christmas shopping, and-as Emmett told me-Jacob called and was sick, too. The dinner went like many did when we were younger, before Emmett got married, before Edward got tied down, before Jasper went to college. I suppose the last time this was a regular thing was when I was roughly ten, Jasper was sixteen, Edward eighteen or nineteen, and Emmett was roughly twenty. Way back when a bad day was if someone made fun of me for not being allowed to shave my legs, or if Jacob got made fun of for hanging out with a girl.

"Was I right?" Emmett asked, challenging me through a mouthful of noodles.

I rolled me eyes. "Don't talk with your mouth full."

He swallowed. "I was right."

"I'm not sneezing or coughing, I'm not congested, how right can you be?" I said, smirking at him.

"You're also yellow, getting those purple things under your eyes, and you slept for three solid hours," Emmett said.

"But she hasn't been looking sick before today," Jasper threw in. "Maybe she's just over-tired."

"But Jacob's sick, too," Edward pointed out, and the older brothers won this round.

Our mother laughed at us arguing across the table. "I forgot the last time you kids did that."

"Did what?" Emmett asked, mouth full _again_.

"Teamed up against each other," she said, smiling sadly. "It's going to be strange when you have a baby of your own. You're all still my babies."

"And Emmett still acts like one," I said, smirking at him.

"I spend twenty five years on you and you can't eat without getting everything all over you?" Mom said, walking around the table to wipe his face, making everyone else laugh.

"I sometimes wonder if Renesmee was supposed to be the first born. She acts ten years older instead of ten years younger," Dad said, earning a glare from all the boys.

"No!" Mom said sternly. "She's the baby of my babies! No making her grow up faster."

Dad smiled at her lovingly. "Of course not."

She smiled and went back to her seat, then leaned over and gave him a quick kiss, cuing the '_ew'_s from me and my brothers. The rest of dinner went on like that. We'd spur an argument, then the parents would mediate or reminisce. It was an interesting night.

A few weeks passed, life went on. Jacob and I both ended up with the flu, and missed the rest of the week of school, keeping up with each other by talking on the phone or chatting online constantly. Alicia and Caleb Weber began to hang out with Jacob and I more often, keeping us informed with Emily (she got my note and was appreciative, she was doing well, the baby was healthy, Nahuel was trying to get involved now that the pregnancy was progressing, and she was excited to find out what it was). Nahuel was bypassing everything and ignoring me (finally, some healing space). Christmas was approaching, and life was getting better. I was healing slowly but surely; I had plans to shop with my mother, Bella, Rosalie (who would be in a wheelchair, because it was getting hard to move around), and Alice, who was celebrating the first Christmas with us, since she and Jasper decided to fess up to having feelings for each other (not that we didn't know it already). Joy was in the air as we went on winter break, and Jacob and I planned to spend most of the time together. It was a thrilling thing, happiness.

**A/N: Reviews!**

**~Sidney**


	9. Lessons

**Sorry, no clever banter between me and the voices in my head today. Sorry. Oh, but Fifi said to remind you I don't own this. (lol)**

"So what do you want to do today?" Jacob's voice asked over the phone.

I was, at the moment, digging through my closet for something to wear, my cellphone between my shoulder and my ear. "Don't know. Wrap Christmas presents?"

"We can do that," Jacob sighed. "But it won't take long..." What was he getting at?

"Have you met me?" I said, resisting the urge to laugh at his false hopes of a quick job.

"Okay, it'll take half the day," he agreed. "But what about the other half?"

"We could hang out in the garage? Investigate that scratching sound in your bike?" I suggested, stroking a pretty top I hadn't broken in yet.

He took a second to react, but seemed distracted. "Nah, I got it. Loose belt."

"Okay then, well we can just hang out in there," I said, taking the black loose knit sweater off its hanger. Now for a tank top to go under it…

"Nah, nothing to do," he said. Men, can't make a point without traveling the world.

"Jakey, we haven't been down there in months, I miss the smell of woods and gasoline," I whined, moving to a dark purple tank top that would look nice under it.

"Nessie, I just don't feel like going down there," he whined back. "But how about I start teaching you how to drive the bike today? Haven't we been trying to find good time to practice for months?"

Finally!

"Ooh, yay!" I chirped excitedly. "That'll be so fun!"

"Well, what do you want to do first?" he asked. "Drive or wrap?"

"Drive, duh!"

"Well, get ready; I'll be there in half an hour and we can head to the dirt track on the rez," he said. "Dress warm."

After we hung up, I re-decided my wardrobe. I wore my sturdy jeans and a t-shirt I'd borrowed from Jacob, which was about three times my size, but would work for our plans, and I put on my good tennis shoes. I also borrowed Edward's leather jacket for warmth and wind protection.

At the dirt track, we hopped off the bike and stood staring at it for a minute, still wearing our helmets.

"Get on the bike," Jacob said, looking at me expectantly.

"Huh?"

"Get on the bike."

"B-but-" I was highly confused. "Aren't you going to show me something or...something?"

He smiled. "I'm teaching you the way Bella taught me."

"Bella taught you how to ride?" I was more confused.

He shrugged. "I was ten, she needed a place to store the bikes she got. It was a trade off, and Charlie and Edward would have killed her if they knew she liked to ride back then."

I shook my head. "Whatever, you two are still alive, I guess I'll do it." I went to the motorcycle and looked at it, then looked at Jacob. "What if it falls on me?"

Jacob smiled. "I'll help." He walked over and straddled the place I usually occupied. "Sit in front of me and put your feet on the holds. I'll hold the bike up."

I went and did as he said, climbing onto it awkwardly and putting my hands and feet up carefully. "Like this?"

He reached his hands around me and adjusted my hands, then used his knees to move my calves right. "There. Now start it."

I cautiously did as I'd seen him do many times, and jumped when the engine started. "Whoa."

He laughed. "Cool, huh? Now make it move. You've seen me, you do the same."

I obeyed, then the bike jerked and we were flying. I was terrified, but I managed to turn a bit, and soon I found a bit of control. Jacob held onto my hands, correcting me if I did something wrong. We had to stop and re-start a few times, but by lunch time, I'd gotten the hang of it pretty well.

"Let's go back to my house," Jacob said, grinning at me after I stopped successfully (third time's the charm). "We can work on signals tomorrow."

I smiled and nodded enthusiastically, hopping off the bike and removing my helmet to shake my hair out. "This is so cool!"

He got me in a head lock and kissed the top of my head while I tried to elbow him off. "Yeah, now all you need is a bike of your own."

"And a license and my parents to get a head injury," I said, making a face.

"Well, in the meantime you can practice on mine," he said, throwing an arm around my shoulders.

"Well, do you want to cuddle or eat?" I teased, shrugging him off. "I'm starving."

He smirked. "Let's go."

At his house, Billy, Charlie Swan, and Harry Clearwater were watching a game on the television, and Sue Clearwater was in the kitchen, cooking enough fantastic smelling food for the entire reservation.

"Hey kids," she said, smiling at us when we walked in.

"Jake!" her son, twelve-year-old Seth, said excitedly. He was playing some hand-held video game. "Nessie! I haven't seen you in forever!"

I smiled and ruffled his hair, going to get a glass out of the cabinet. "Hey Seth, where's your sister?"

He made a face. "She's hanging out with Sam Uley."

"That creep?" Jacob asked, looking amused. "I thought Leah had better taste."

"Hey, hey, hey," Sue chided. "He's a good boy."

"He's also a head case," Jacob laughed. "The guy is obsessed with being a security guard. He took the graveyard shift at the toll bridge to 'train his eyesight'."

Sue shot him a look. "He's a very driven young man, and Leah is nearly eighteen. Better she be tied down to someone who loves safety than be the person who gets hunted by him."

Jacob gave his signature smirk and went to the fridge. "Well, Nessie, we have… Absolutely nothing."

"I have food," Sue said. "Billy said you might be hungry."

She took two plates out of the microwave that were piled with fried fish, mashed potatoes, and fresh green beans. She was as good a cook as my own mother, and could do magic with the fish her husband caught.

"Thanks, Sue," Jacob said, kissing her on the cheek.

"Thanks, Sue," I added, going to the silver wear drawer and fishing out some forks.

"You're welcome," she said. "Now I have to finish this for the Christmas party tomorrow."

We ate our lunch and got out of Sue's hair, bringing Seth with us. We went to Jacob's tiny bedroom and broke out an old pastime board game. We decided to play Monopoly, and managed to occupy ourselves for about three hours before Seth managed to put hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place, then the game went downhill. The kid was smart. But alas, our Christmas gifts remained unwrapped, and we needed to get to my house to work.

"I left my stuff in the garage," Jacob said. "I'll go get it. You think I can carry it on the bike?"

"I guess, we'll just look like elves making some early deliveries," I joked, as we walked out into the small yard.

"I'll be right back," Jacob said, taking a detour to a small path that led to his hide out.

"I'll help," I said, running after him.

"No!" He managed to stop me before I got to the door. "I can handle it, go back up."

"What's the deal?" I demanded, fighting his hands off my shoulders. "It's the garage!"

"I know, but- but your gift is in there," he said quickly, grabbing the tops of my arms instead. "It's not hidden and I don't want to ruin it. You can wait four days to get it."

I made a face. "Whatever, but seriously, how hard is it to hide a shopping bag?"

He made a face back. "Just go back up."

I stuck my tongue out, then jerked away from him. "Fine."

I walked halfway up the path, then crossed my arms and waited. He came out a moment later, one of those recycled-reusable grocery bags in his hand. He met me on the path and smiled apologetically.

"I'm sorry I was so secretive, but I just don't want your gift to be ruined," he said, putting a hand on the side of my neck and pouting. "Forgive me?"

I rolled my eyes and pouted back up at him. "Forgiven, but you didn't have to do anything for me."

"But I wanted to, so don't fight me," he said, pulling me to his chest, making me look up at him. "Deal?"

I looked up at him and then sighed. "Deal."

He smiled and put his bag down so he could hug me for real, spinning me around. "I loooooove you!" he said, drawing it out and rubbing his nose against mine.

"You're a kiiiiiiiiss uuuup!" I mocked, giggling despite myself. "Put me down, you haven't given me an Eskimo kiss since we were nine."

He smiled and squeezed me tighter. "No."

"Yes," I said, trying to wriggle free.

"No," he said, smiling wider.

I glared at him. "Yes."

He pressed his forehead to mine. "No." Hot breath fanned out, as he spoke, making my lips tingle.

"Y-yes…" I breathed, sounding unsure. He was too close, closer than normal, but yet not uncomfortably so.

"No." His voice was low and steady. His voice touched my lips once again, and I had the urge to tilt my head up, just to see what a more solid form of him would feel like on my lips.

"Hey, Jake, Ness, you two need a ride to your house?" Charlie Swan suddenly called from nowhere. "I have to pick up Bella."

Jacob dropped me suddenly and scooped his bag up, tugging me by the wrist up the rest of the path. "Sure, thanks Charlie."

"Yeah, thanks," I said, my mind reeling. I'm such a living cliche, I felt like every girl in every stupid romance movie I'd ever seen: abandoned and wanting more. But I could care less...right?

I sat in the front of the cruiser on the way to my house. Charlie looked highly amused at Jacob, sitting behind the fiberglass. Most likely because Jacob would pretend to bang on the window and open his mouth like he was screaming in a sound proof room. Meanwhile, my brain was not happy with my- was it my heart?

Was it my heart that was telling me to tilt my chin up? Or my hormones? Whichever, my head was mad at both. Jacob was my best friend, not a toy. It wasn't like me to think about Jacob in a less than best-friend-like way. We were always cuddling and being close. It wasn't abnormal. He was like an extension of myself. So why would I want to feel his lips somewhere other than my cheek or head? It was experimental. Purely experimental, my head decided. I'm getting over an old boyfriend, my hormones sense Jacob and think he's the rebound. That's it. Well, I'll show my hormones.

Presents wrapped and hidden effectively, Jacob and I sat in my room, tossing popcorn to each other, practicing our catching-food-in-our-mouths bit.

"So," he asked. "We haven't talked about _it_ in a while."

I thought for a second. "Nope, I guess not. I guess I'm improving."

He smiled. "You're over him."

"I was over him the second I found out he wasn't a- you know," I said, rolling my eyes. "I'm over Emily being pregnant, I'm over being cheated on."

"So what aren't you over?"

I thought again, taking a little longer. "Being used. Being treated like I was disposable."

Jacob gave me a sympathetic look. "If I can help it, you won't be treated like that ever again."

"I know you would," I said, smiling. "But I'm guessing there's going to be a time when I have to do things for myself."

"Not if I can help it," Jacob insisted.

"So tomorrow, signal practice?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah, I'll pick you up."

"You think I can stay over there?" I asked suddenly. "I haven't stayed over in a while, and aren't Bella and Charlie going to be staying tonight?"

"I guess, Billy keeps asking when we're going to stay there," he said. "I guess you just have to ask your parents."

As expected, my parents didn't mind. They were easier to convince since Bella was going to be there, and they trusted her impeccably. We slept in the small living room, I took the couch, he took the floor, and the next morning, we were out early on the dirt track. For five solid hours, we drove around, practicing and goofing off. Finally, we decided to go our separate ways.

"How about we stay at our own houses, thrill the parentals," he suggested over Cokes in his kitchen.

"Fine, but you're coming over first thing, we have some studying to do if I'm going to try for my license," I said. "Bring the study book."

"Aye, aye, captain," he said, smiling. "Then we have Christmas Eve candlelight service at the church the next day."

"Then everyone's coming to my house for Christmas!" I said excitedly.

"And this year you can't have cookies until after you open the gifts. We don't need a repeat of last year."

Oh, he wishes.

**A/N: Reviews?**

**~Sidney**


	10. Christmas

**Hey ya'll! Well, new chapter. I'm excited about this, and my beta seemed to like it, so I'm hoping you will too. I don't own Twilight Saga, or anything else you recognize. Review, please. **

Christmas morning, I woke up at exactly four fifty-six. I sat on my bed for an hour, bouncing and attempting to occupy myself with a book that I didn't even think about. At six, I decided to go to Emmett's room, since he'd be awake. I tip-toed down the hall and peeked into the open door. Rosalie was on her side, facing away from Emmett, who was sitting up and reading a parenting magazine.

"Emmy!" I whisper-yelled.

"Nessie!" he whisper-yelled back, patting the wide space between Rosalie and himself.

I went to the foot of their bed and slithered up, laying on my stomach next to him. "I can't sleep!"

"Me, either!"

"Well, try," Rosalie groaned, scaring me. I didn't know she was awake.

"Sorry, honey," Emmett said, laughing silently.

"Sorry, Rosie," I said, kissing her hair. "Go to sleep, we'll be quiet."

"Go to your room, please," she requested, sounding like she was sleep-talking.

"Fine," Emmett said. He got up and walked around the bed while I rolled off his side, then he kissed her softly. We made our getaway while she was readjusting to the new space she had.

"Let's go get Jazzy," I said, grabbing his huge wrist and tugging him to Jasper's room. "Jazzy, you awake?" I asked softly.

"Hm?" He groaned a little.

"I take that as a no," I said. "Well, wake up."

He took a few minutes to wake up, in which Emmett ventured to Edward's room and threw him over his back to bring him to Jasper's room. I convinced Jasper to wake up, then we went to our parents' room, Edward walking on his own and me on Emmett's back, like when we were little.

"Mommy, Daddy!" I said softly, crawling up to lay between them. "Wake up!"

My mother sighed and sat up, still half asleep, and my father followed suit, allowing room for the guys to join he group.

"What time is it?" Dad asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Six fifteen," Edward answered from his place at Mom's feet.

"And why does that not surprise me?" Mom asked, smiling nevertheless.

"Because we're awake earlier than last year," Jasper yawned, earning a smack to the back of the head from Emmett.

"I got bored, so I got Emmett, who got Edward, and then we all got Jasper, and now we're here because Rose is asleep and wouldn't be nice to us," I rambled, bouncing.

"We're getting too old for this," Dad said, laughing lightly.

"We were too old for it when Emmett initiated it fifteen years ago," Mom said, smiling widely. "At least we're at no risk to lose our babies."

I grinned. "No, because when I'm Emmett's age we'll still be coming in with all the little nieces and nephews, too!"

"We're going to need a bigger bed, Esme," Dad joked, making us all laugh. "So, did you all want to talk or open presents?"

Guess what the answer was?

Emmett awoke Rosalie, we made a few calls, and soon the troops were in. The Blacks, the Swans, and Alice were all at the house by seven.

"My family celebrates at night, anyway," she said, yawning a little.

We all had a blast opening gifts, and of course I was running on high energy, putting on a show by making it rain wrapping paper. We all had fun with comparing gifts, and I really loved mine; Rosalie, Alice, and Bella had teamed up to get me a few new outfits, Edward gave me a leather jacket of my own, Jasper got me some new writing software I'd been wanting, Emmett gave me a fun-day pass (kind of a cop-out, but a good deal because he pays for everything, and I love my big brother), and my parents gave me several books and a new desk as my 'big gift'. Jacob said I had to wait to go to his house for his present, but he loved the mechanics book I gave him, along with the two dozen homemade cookies I spent hours getting just right for him and Billy.

We had a fun, huge Christmas lunch, and sat around for a while after being stuffed. There was mistletoe everywhere in the house, and _someone _(*cough*Emmett*cough*) got the bright idea to run around and hold it over peoples' heads, making them kiss in front of everyone. Mom and Dad (of course), Jasper and Alice, Bella and Edward, then he sat down and held it over himself and Rosalie, earning a few catcalls. He then went around the room kissing all the women. Mom pecked his nose, making him get embarrassed, Alice kissed his cheek and then tackled Jasper in another kiss (gross much?), Bella rolled her eyes and he ended up kissing her cheek (which she wiped off), and I let him kiss my nose before punching him in the gut. He ran around for a little while longer, just going over the same people, but got in trouble when he held it over Billy and Charlie and was successfully halted by a stronger fist to the gut. Billy had quite an arm…

Jasper and Alice went to her family's home at about four, then the Swans and Billy decided to go to the Clearwaters' home. Jacob and I chose then to go to his house to get my gift, which I was getting anxious about. At his house, he put his gifts away, then took my hand and led me down to the garage. He put his hands over my eyes and led me in, then uncovered them. I gasped when I saw the maroon-painted motorcycle.

"Oh my goodness," I breathed. "Jacob, did you build this?"

He smiled shyly. "Yeah. The guy at the junk yard said it would run for anything, gave it to me cheap, and I worked on it for about two months. It runs like new now, and the paint job is-"

I tackled him in the biggest bear hug I could manage. "It's amazing, Jacob!"

He hugged me back tighter, lifting me off the ground. "Thanks, Nessie."

"No, you deserve the thanks," I said, letting him go to study my (_my!_) new bike. "What about my parents?"

"I talked it out with them when I first bought it," he said, smiling. "I've done everything. All you need is your license."

I smiled hugely and hugged him again. "Tomorrow, we can spend all day at the dirt track."

"Deal," he said, squeezing me. "I take it you like it?"

"I love it!" I said, smiling up at him.

He returned the most heart-breaking smile. "I'm really glad you do."

My voice faltered when I said, "You're too good to me."

His smile softened, and he said softly, "No, I'm not. You deserve to be handed life on a silver platter."

I bit my lip anxiously, not used to- but not hating -the serious tone he'd taken. "But if life wasn't complicated, I wouldn't be a good person, and I wouldn't deserve anything."

"You need to understand that as long as I'm around, you're a princess, no arguments." He looked at me seriously from two inches away, his eyes burning holes in mine.

"Well, I guess…" I faltered under his gaze.

"We should get back. It's getting dark," he said suddenly, breaking the atmosphere abruptly.

We rode back to my house awkwardly. What was it with us and these close calls? At my house, we were quiet. We enjoyed each others' company, but not many words were exchanged. We goofed off with my brothers a bit, after Jazz got home. Emmett and Jacob put my new desk together and moved my old one to the nursery, for Rosalie to continue her work as a wedding planner after the baby was born, but keep an eye on nephew dearest at the same time. She liked my old desk better anyway. It had more room for a full sized computer and files, and storage space for books and magazines. My new desk was black and small, with a cute little basket chair and a cork board against the back.

About nine, Jacob decided to head home. I walked with him to the garage, where we talked a little about our plans and when we could go to try for my license. We talked a bit about the events of late, basically a repeat of the usual conversation. Was I over him, was I over _it_. It was getting a little bothersome, all of his questions, but I soon changed the subject.

"Well, I had a great Christmas," I said, leaning against the door frame.

"Me too," he agreed, smiling softly.

"See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," he leaned against the other side and looked at a spot above my head. "I love you, Nessie."

"I love you, Jacob," I said, smiling and looking up.

Our eyes hit the mistletoe in the exact same millisecond. My gaze dropped to his, which dropped to mine. All of the thoughts that had built in my head over the last few days came rushing back. The close encounters, the fleeting thoughts of kissing Jacob. I had to get away from him before I did something truly stupid.

"Um, well, bye," I said, looking away quickly.

"Um, uh…" He looked nervous as he pushed off the doorframe.

"Uh, t-tomorrow?" I leaned forward to walk away, but bumped his chest accidentally.

"Tomorrow…" He took my waist gently to steady me.

Our eyes met suddenly, his burning with the same intensity I was feeling. Life, memories, everything disappeared. In one wild instant, my body was bowed against his, my fingers tangling in his long black hair. His hands made burning trails from my waist to my hips, pushing me back against the doorframe as our lips met in a frenzied, desperate way. Our kisses were feverish, messy, but filled with some wild emotion I'd never felt before. His burning hands laced behind my back, bringing me impossibly closer to him as our kisses deepened and progressed to full on making out. I arched my back, tilting my head back so much that he didn't even have to tilt his head down to meet my lips, I was already dipped so far back. We didn't speak, just met lips with occasional gasps and sighs. I moved a hand from his hair to his waist, moving it slightly under his tight t-shirt, feeling the hard muscle underneath. He pressed me harder against the door frame, closing all space between us, our lips never parting, though air was becoming an urgent need.

A sudden, foreign gasp made us jump apart, gasping for air. Jasper was standing in the pantry, staring wide-eyed at us. We all looked at each other for a few moments, taking everything in. Jacob suddenly got a panicked look and ran out to his bike and was gone in a second.

"Um, don't tell…_anyone_ about this," I said quickly. I lifted a hand to lift my hair from my now-sweating neck.

"So this is the first time you…?" His hazel eyes were still enormously wide.

"Yeah, and you kinda caught us at a bad time, so don't tell anyone."

"Well, do you want to talk about anything?" He looked highly confused and terrified.

"I don't know." I brushed past him quickly and escaped to my bedroom.

This was bad. Very, very bad. In the last week I'd had several close encounters with my best friend. In the last few days I'd had several less than best-friendly thoughts about my best friend. In the last ten minutes I'd made out with my best friend. This was absolutely positively _not good. _I flopped down onto my bed, still fully dressed, but wishing I was magic and could put my pajamas on and get under the covers without moving a muscle.

Suddenly, my chest contracted tightly, like someone had wrapped a belt around my lungs and was now attempting to tighten it impossibly. I couldn't breath, and it scared me. I tried to call for help, but I couldn't catch enough breath to manage a feeble whisper. Tears began to run down my cheeks, and I laid still, terrified of moving. Then it was over. I dragged myself up and undressed slowly, my muscles straining by the light effort it took to lift my shirt over my head and replace it with my comfy pajama shirt. I avoided thinking about what had happened, but when I laid under my covers, it wouldn't get out of my head.

My parents found me nearly asleep and wished me goodnight, turning off the overhead light I'd forgotten about. I laid on my back, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling, something Jasper had contributed when they were decorating my nursery years ago. I counted them all, trying to keep the kiss out of my head. That kiss…

I had never felt anything for Jacob, that I could remember. I loved him, of course, but I'd always been sure it was strictly platonic. I would do anything for him, and he for me. I wanted him to be happy, I wanted him to have everything he wanted. He deserved it. He was always there for me. He comforted me in my darkest hour, loved me when I doubted love existed, held me on the sleepless nights that brought only tears. Why did all of this seem different, all of a sudden? Why was I questioning our relationship? I didn't want a romance, I wanted a best friend that would always be there, no matter how badly a stupid boyfriend could hurt me. I couldn't be broken again, I couldn't let things change. I needed him to be there all the time.

So why did I love that kiss? That stupid, messy, irresponsible kiss. I'd been kissed before. As far as kissing went, Nahuel was a pro, and I'd been kissed before him in middle school when everybody experimented with it at break. But Jacob's kissing… It was different. It was raw, driven, rough, and the best kiss I'd _ever_ had. Nahuel was always so boring. It was nice, but it was purely physical, and never escalated to where Jacob and I had been when Jasper walked in. He didn't put any form of emotion in it. Jacob, on the other hand…

Whatever the emotion was, he was feeling it, and so was I. All the way down to the tips of my toes, over every inch of my body, to my innermost person. I could feel it. But now to figure out what the emotion was…

**A/N: A little announcement, I go back to school Monday, so my updates may be a little less frequent once that happens. Also, if you haven't noticed, I don't get internet access every other week, which explains why there are only updates every other week. I just wanted to let ya'll know. Okay, now I want a vivid description of the face you made when you got to the Big Moment. Reviews, darlings!**

**~Sidney**


	11. So Lonely

**Please don't hate me. This chapter has absolutely no Jacob-y goodness. It's rather depressing, and I'm sure this is one of the chapters I was writing in the verge of tears, but I can't really remember right now. I don't own anything you recogize, and I want to thank my beta for getting this back to me in record time, and... Read and review!**

"Okay, your bike's lighter than mine, so you'll want to ride around for a bit to get used to it," Jacob said, showing me the signals. "Wait until you have full control before you use signals."

"Got it," I said, not meeting his eyes.

That's the way it had gone all morning. One of us would tell the other something, the other would respond shortly, then do whatever they were supposed to do. We hadn't met each others' eyes all morning, and he hadn't even brushed against me, let alone held my hand or hugged me.

The entire day was awful. I had my amazing bike, my best friend, and all day to do what I wanted to do. It should have been a perfect day. Jacob and I should have ridden our bikes until sundown, we should have broken in our gifts until late into the night, then camped out in someone's living room, talking and goofing off at all hours. We should have fallen asleep inches apart after laughing our hearts out or discussing the events in our lives. Instead, we barely spoke, we got sick of riding by noon, and I decided to go home after sitting in awkward silence in Jacob's room for an hour, trying to play 21.

The next day was the exact same, and the next day I just called him and told him I didn't feel well. I was in a bad mood at home, and people were noticing.

I was laying on the floor of the nursery, painting little bees on a big boring picture frame. I'd asked Rosalie if she needed help with anything, so she said to choose an insect and paint a picture frame. In ten years nephew dearest would know that his Auntie Nessie was pissed off when she painted the sharp stingers on the happy little bumble bees. A knock came from the door and I looked up.

"Hey, babe," Emmett said, coming in and sitting on the floor next to me. "Nice bees, but don't you thing it's just a little violent for a baby?"

"It's a baby boy," I said passively. "He'll be violent eventually."

Emmett laughed. "As much proof of that as we have, don't you think you should give him the benefit of the doubt? C'mon, what's been bumming you out the last few days?"

"You wouldn't understand," I said, shaking my head, resisting the urge to draw an angry face on one of the little bees. "It's kind of a girl thing."

"Come _on_," Emmett said, sounding unconvinced. "My _pregnant wife _can attest to the fact that I'm pretty good with 'girl things'."

I shot him an annoyed look. "Well, then, it's a _me_ thing, and I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, who better to talk about it with than your big brother, unless it's something you need Jacob for?" Okay, he struck a nerve.

"No," I said sharply. "I don't want to talk to Jacob."

Emmett processed this for a moment, then asked quietly. "Did you two have a fight?"

I groaned. "I'm _not_ talking about this. Let me finish my violent bees."

"You're mad at Jacob?" he asked incredulously. "You and Jacob _never_ act like that. What happened?"

"Ask Jasper," I muttered, before catching myself. "Dammit… Don't, actually. This is my problem, and if the parentals find out, I'm blaming you and Jasper."

"For what?" Edward asked, suddenly appearing.

"Dammit!" I spat into my hands, covering my face now. "Now I'm blaming you all. Just leave me alone, and no one gets castrated."

Edward, being the smart one, left quickly, but Emmett stayed.

"What happened?" he asked soothingly, taking the paintbrush from my fingers. "Look at me."

I turned my head and glared at him. "None of your business."

"I'm your big brother, you are my business," he said, pulling out our parents' old standby.

"No, I'm not," I said, pushing myself up. "If you're not letting me finish the frame, I'm leaving."

"You can go, I'll finish this before you decide to paint them stinging themselves," he muttered, studying the stingers I'd put a lot of work into. "And at least think about talking to me. It might help to have a neutral party."

I sighed. "Emmett, it's just not something you can help with. It's no big deal."

"Well, I'm here if you need me."

"I know, Em."

I trudged all the way up to my room, then decided to take a hot bath to ease my tense muscles. I ran the water as hot as possible, sprinkled in some bath salt, then eased myself down, my tense muscles first resisting then accepting the invasion of heat. I laid in the water, not sure how to go about thinking of what was going on between Jacob and I. We had kissed. I had kissed my best friend. My best friend had kissed me. My best friend and I had kissed. How many different ways could I put it?

After my bath, I dressed in my favorite sweat pants, tank top and hoodie, then climbed into my bed and piled the blankets on myself. I was freezing, and I couldn't figure out why. I fell asleep, intending to only take an afternoon nap, but woke up some time later from a dream about a bee with the head of Nahuel chasing me with a paint brush.

"Jacob?" I asked groggily, rolling over to look for him.

When I realized I was in my room, all alone, I curled up on my side and began crying. I needed my best friend. I couldn't understand why we couldn't just talk about the situation.

"Nessie?" someone asked from the doorway. It was Edward. He saw that I was crying and rushed over to my bedside, collecting me in his arms as I began crying harder. "Nessie, what's wrong? Did you have a bad dream?"

I choked and fought for breath. "I'm fine, I'm fine, just- I just need to be alone."

"No, you need to talk about whatever's been making you upset lately," he said, holding me tighter, in case I were to try to fight him.

I was too weak to fight him, and crying wasn't adding to the meager strength I had to speak. "Look, I need to be alone. This is something only I can deal with."

"You've been doing so well lately," Edward said, rocking me a little. "You've been having less nightmares, you've been crying less, you've been really strong. What's bothering you, because I know that this can't have anything to do with everything else."

"Well, it's not something my older brother can help me with," I said, lifting my more available hand to wipe my eyes.

Edward sighed and let me go, then sat on the edge of my bed next to me. Thinking out loud. "Something must have happened on Christmas or the day after. Did you and Jacob get into a fight of some sort?"

"Just shut up about it!" I snapped, rolling and facing the other way, fresh tears burning my eyes and cheeks. "We didn't have a fight." I _wished_ we had fight. It'd mean we were capable of exchanging words after what happened.

Edward sat quietly for a minute. "Bella says Jacob has been upset."

"Whoop-dee-doo," I muttered, wishing he would leave so I could cry more.

"You're both upset over something," Edward pressed. "Did something hap-"

I sat up and glared at him, screeching, "Shut up! Just shut up! Jasper and Emmett took the hint, so why can't you?"

"Hey," came the voice of my mother. "What's going on in here?" She was standing in the doorway, looking concerned and slightly frightened by my outburst.

"Nothing!" I said quickly, diving under my covers, _really_ not wanting my mother to know about this. "The guys have been bothering me, and I'm sick of it."

"Edward, if your sister doesn't want you in here you should respect her privacy."

"B-" Edward tried to protest.

"And Nessie, if something's wrong, you should talk to someone in case they can help," she continued gently.

"Nothing's wrong," I said from under my pillow.

Of course my mother knew I was withholding truth, but she, unlike my idiot brothers, could take a hint. "Edward, I wanted to discuss something with you."

"Okay." His weight lifted, and he left my room.

"Renesmee?" my mother asked quietly.

"Yeah?" I asked, still hiding.

"I'll bring you something to eat in a bit, you missed lunch," she said, closing my door. Stupid mother-daughter telepathy. She knew good and well I was emotionally worn; heck, she might even know about the kiss - even though I knew for a fact she was in the nursery with Rosalie at the time.

When the door clicked closed, I came up for air and laid there crying still, trying to remember how I stopped crying all the other times. I was just lying there, tears streaming down my cheeks, trying to think of how to stop. _What was it Jacob had done all the other times?_ Jacob… I suddenly remembered why I was crying in the first place, because Jacob hadn't been there. Jacob was always there, and now that we were in such an awkward place, he wasn't. Jacob was the one who made me stop crying from the nightmares, the people, the events. But now, he wasn't here, and he couldn't tell me that everything would be alright, that he loved me no matter what.

Having realizing that the one I was crying for was the only one that could stop the tears, I began sobbing again. I couldn't handle my best friend not being able to talk to me. It was painful, physically and emotionally. Why had I been so stupid? Why did I let my irrational side take charge for the split second it took to bring his lips to mine? Why did I want to kiss him in the first place? And had he wanted to kiss me, or was he simply placating me? How could I let the most important human being in my life get away…?

"Renesmee?" a soft and gentle voice said in my ear. "Darling, wake up."

I dragged my eyes open and saw my mother lying down opposite me. "Hi, Mommy," I said groggily.

"You slept through dinner," she said, lifting her delicate hand to brush back some of the hair that had covered my face in my sleep.

"Oh! I'm sorry." I was still so sleepy. Sobbing your heart out takes a lot of energy.

"Your brothers are worried about you." She rested a hand on my cheek, running her thumb across the stinging skin under my eye.

I winced slightly. "They're overprotective. I'm just tired."

"Bella passed on a small message, to call her when you have a free moment. She's worried about Jacob," she said vaguely. "She says he's been distant and quiet. That maybe you can talk to him."

I squeezed my eyes shut, resisting the tears that wanted freedom. "I'll call her later."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

_No! _I wanted to scream. "I'll be fine. What's there to eat?"

She was smiling a little when I dared to open my eyes. "Chicken noodle soup sound good? Your brothers and sister finally ate all the leftovers."

"Sounds great," I said, carefully pushing myself to sit up, getting a head-rush none the less.

My mother insisted on making the soup homemade, the way I like it. I sat on the counter while she made it, watching and keeping my mind on anything but Jacob. Mom ate with me, knowing I wouldn't want to eat unless someone else did as well. She chatted lightly about nephew dearest and how we only had another two months before the bouncing baby boy was physically in our lives as something other than Rosalie's stomach and perpetual craving for anything with a caloric count over two hundred. I nodded along, forcing myself to down the large bowl my mother placed in front of me. I tried not to let on that my stomach was screaming in protest after five small spoons. After dinner, I went to the living room to see what was going on. Rosalie was all alone, and patted the seat next to hers.

"Come here, sweetie," she said, smiling. "You've been hiding all day."

I sat next to her and leaned my head on her shoulder, feeling incredibly sick from the soup. "Sorry, not feeling well."

"I saw your bees," she said, taking one of my hands in hers. "They're cute, but what's with the stingers?"

I forgot about that… "Um, accuracy?"

She laughed lightly. "Emmett told me you weren't feeling very bright, and I think everyone heard your little outburst at Edward."

I was liking this idea less and less. "Um…"

"Anything you need to get off your chest?"

"Sorry, Rosie, nothing I want to talk about," I said, dropping a hand to my flipping stomach.

"Are you feeling okay?" She gently pushed me off her shoulder. "You're really pale."

"As opposed to…?"

She laughed a little, then touched my cheek. "You're burning up."

"Lovely," I moaned, my stomach churning. "I think it's the soup. I ate too much."

She smiled sympathetically. "You needed it though. I miss needing food instead of craving it constantly."

I put my head back on her shoulder. "Why do boys complicate everything?" I asked suddenly, not thinking.

She rested her head on mine a took my hand again, giving a little squeeze. "Because you're fifteen. I'm twenty-four and I still get upset if Emmett needs 'guy time' after being with me for a while."

"But why do they do stupid stuff like cheating?"

She sighed. "If only I knew. I'm hoping the baby will give me some insight to the male mind."

I giggled despite myself. "Nephew dearest will be a good weapon. He can hopefully give us a break."

"I need to name the little monster eventually, don't I?" she asked, rubbing her stomach with her free hand. "He just doesn't respond to anything."

"Respond?" Major confusion on my end.

"Well, when Emmett and I think of a name, we talk to the baby, addressing him with the name, and see if he kicks or flips."

"So you go 'Hey, Bob, how do you like the name Bob?'" I said in a mock bass.

"Pretty much," she said, a smile in her voice. "And my baby will not be named 'Bob'."

I yawned hugely, eyes feeling heavy. "I think I'm still tired."

"Being in a fight with your best friend does that," she said, nearly getting by me.

"Huh? We're not-" I pulled away from her shoulder to look at her, confused.

"Whatever it is, it's stupid, but I know it still hurts," she said, petting my cheek. "Get some sleep, sweetie."

I leaned over and gave her a quick hug. "Love you, Rosie."

"Love you, too, Nessie."

When I went back to bed, I decided to let my mind stray from the one thing that had been on it for days. I managed to keep from crying myself to sleep, but I was still hurting, and it was in a way that I didn't know how to fix.

**A/N: Sad-ness... Next chapter will be much happier, I think. Reviews!**

**~Sidney**


	12. An Understanding

**New update! Finally! I'm back in school(PS-Chemestry freakin' SUCKS), so who knows how fast these things will show up in the next while. But trust me, this fanfiction-obsessed-girl ain't giving up. I'm gonna update, just not certain how often. I don't own this, but I'd love reviews!**

I woke up to Jasper talking. To who, I wasn't sure.

"I know it's hard but you have to do it, honey," he was saying. I was terribly confused. Do what? "Alice, you have to finish your book. I know, I get it. Yeah, Vincent is a loser, but he's the best English teacher in the school. Okay, okay; love you, too, bye."

He stepped into my room. He must have been in the hallway. _Duh moment_. "Hey, Nessie, you're awake!"

I sat up, rubbing my eyes and then staring at Jasper. "What time is it?"

"Ten," he said, coming to sit on my bed. "In the morning, if that helps."

I flopped back down, rubbing my face before rolling over to look at my brother. "And you want?"

"To talk," he said simply.

"About?"

"Whatever you want," he said, shrugging. "No one else is interesting. Maybe something in your teeny-bopper head is interesting."

I rolled my eyes. "Nothing interesting, unless you want to hear my inner ravings."

Jasper nodded thoughtfully. "Can I ask you a serious question?"

"About?" I was dreading the response I anticipated.

"Christmas night." _Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!_

"What?" I groaned, burying my face in my pillow.

He thought for another moment. "I'm not sure how to ask this."

"Spit it out," I said bitterly, "Or leave me alone."

"Why did I walk in on what I walked in on?" he asked slowly.

"I don't know, you wanted fresh jelly?" I said sarcastically.

Jasper shot me a look. "I mean, why were you two…"

I groaned again. "In all honesty, I don't know. I'm still working on that one myself."

"Well then, what about Jacob? Haven't you talked about it at all?"

"No," I said, my innards melting and attempting to exit through my eyes. "We've barely talked."

Jasper stayed quiet. "So that's what's wrong."

I took a deep breath, then whispered aloud, for the first time, "Yes."

"And?" he pressed.

I curled up smaller, hiding my face with my hands. "And it's killing me."

Jasper put a hand on my cheek. "I wish I could tell you what to do."

"Me too," I said, still resisting tears.

Suddenly, my phone went off. I dug through my blankets quickly, nearly knocking Jasper off the bed. _That ding…_ I found it and nearly cried out in happiness.

**Nessie,  
****I'm sorry for being stupid.  
Please let me come over to talk.  
Jacob**

I quickly sent back a 'yes!' before jumping out of bed and shoving a confused Jasper out the door. I quickly fought the knots in my hair, threw on jeans and a t-shirt, made my bed, and then sat fidgeting for a while. When the familiar light knock came on my door, I launched myself from my bed and in a moment, I was lifted off the ground in a super-bear-hug.

"I'm so sorry!" we both said, then started rambling over each other.

"I was so dumb!"

"I didn't know how to react!"

"I can't believe I was so stupid!"

"I've missed you so much!"

We both stopped rambling when we met in the middle with a "Please forgive me!"

Jacob didn't let me go, but sat on my newly made bed and held me in his lap. We sat in a semi-awkward silence, holding each other closely. I didn't want to let him go, but eventually we had to talk, and we probably needed measurable space between us. Finally, after who knows how long, Jacob moved me gently off his lap, then turned me and moved to sit in front of me. He was careful not to touch me, but maintained that closeness I'd been so deprived of.

"We have to talk," Jacob said quietly.

"I know," I said, swallowing hard. "So…talk."

"We kissed." He looked blank.

"I know. Why?" I said stupidly.

"I don't know."

"Well that's great," I managed sarcastically. "We have no idea why we had a full blown make out session."

Jacob gave me a slightly amused, slightly irritated look. "When you put it like that it sounds so…wrong."

"I guess it was wrong," I said quietly. "I shouldn't have pounced on you like that."

"I remember grabbing you first," Jacob said, giving me a fearful look.

"Well, maybe it happened at once?" I suggested.

"Maybe," he said, looking at his lap. "It didn't feel wrong."

I had to process that one. Of all the things I'd thought about, with this kiss, I had to agree; it did _not _feel wrong. "No, it did not."

"Do you regret it?"

"I don't know," I said quietly. "I sure did when I thought I'd lost you."

Jacob looked up guiltily. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I didn't know how to act after…that."

"Me either," I said softly. "I woke up and started crying when you weren't there. Then I cried more when I remembered why. I'm getting too clingy."

Jacob lifted a hand, then dropped it, remembering we were supposed to be talking. "I'm _so_ sorry. I woke up hugging a pillow this morning. When I saw it was a pillow I ripped it open. Feathers everywhere. That's when I texted you."

The corner of my mouth twitched up. "I've gotten mad at all of my brothers. They don't know how to leave me alone."

"Nessie, I have to explain something to you," Jacob said suddenly, looking me in the eye seriously.

"Okay, shoot," I said, not knowing how to respond.

"You know I love you, right?"

"Right." I had no idea where this was going.

"Well, lately, for a while now, actually, something's been bothering me." Jacob took a deep breath. "You're my best friend, but I just keep feeling this _other_ thing."

"Which would be?" I asked softly, feeling his eyes burning into mine.

"Nessie, I think that somewhere, some part of me loves you as more than just my best friend," he said quickly. "I think that something in me has always seen you as more. That maybe the real reason I hated Nahuel in the first place was that I was...jealous"

I had no idea how to react. It was so sudden, so unreal. Jacob saw me as _more_. And it made some sense; the jealousy, the protectiveness, the willingness to put up with my ludicrousness. I found that I felt the same, somewhere. That some part of me looked at him and saw more than a best friend. That would definitely explain the awkwardness and tension lately, the way I'd been craving the feeling of his lips on mine and then acted on it. But something felt too good to be true; he was my perfect match, he knew me better than who knew myself, and he would do anything for me. _Where did I hear that before?_ But even the rational side of me knew that he would never do what Nahuel did. He couldn't treat me like that. He… He _loved_ me. "Jacob, I don't know what to say."

He studied my face carefully. "I understand if you don't feel the same, Nessie."

I perked up a little, needing to correct him. "No, no, Jacob, I do feel the same way. The _exact _same. But…"

"But what?" He looked excited and nervous at the same time. Anxious, one could describe it.

I swallowed. "But I'm still afraid of getting hurt. I can't jump into anything right now."

Jacob's intense gaze met mine again, burning straight into my soul. "Renesmee, I would never, _ever_ hurt you. You know I'm physically unable to hurt you intentionally, and when it's unintentional my heart breaks as much as yours."

"I know, Jake," I whispered. "I know. But I'm still not over the way I was treated. I don't want to start something new while I'm still broken. I need to be more independent; I can't lean on you for everything in my life."

Jacob shook his head. "No, Nessie, I don't care that you depend on me. I depend on you just as much. I just want this to be okay with you."

I looked at my lap, fighting tears. I didn't want to regret anything, but I also didn't want to enter new territory so vulnerable. "Can we…wait? Can we be best friends until we come to a point that we're comfortable, like old times, and then we can go from there?"

Jacob smiled encouragingly. "Of course we can wait. I didn't expect you to change your Facebook status tonight. I just wanted to put it out there, so you'd know. I don't regret kissing you. In fact, it was the best kiss of my life."

I smiled a little. "I'm with you there. But you're sure you don't mind waiting? You-"

"Nessie," he interrupted, smiling wider. "I don't mind. As long as there's the possibility, I'm fine."

I smiled and nodded. "There's definitely a possibility. Just the timing is unclear."

Jacob's heart-stopping grin was almost enough for me to throw the entire conversation out the window and pounce again, but I resisted. It was going to be harder to resist those types of thing since my realization. I looked at the clock and nearly fell over.

"Oh my- How is it noon?" I nearly yelled.

Jacob was laughing wildly, clutching his stomach. "You seriously were out of it for a while, weren't you?"

"What?" I demanded, glaring at him.

He finally, _finally_ reached out and grabbed my shoulders. "You were quiet for about ten minutes. You were thinking, I guess, but you were silent."

I thought for a second. "Oh well… I guess so."

He smiled and hugged me tightly, releasing me after a few seconds. "I missed you."

I smiled. "I missed you, too. And you're sure you're okay with waiting?"

"We have an understanding, Ness," he laughed. "I'm perfectly fine with waiting."

I hug-tackled him, kissing his cheek impulsively.

"Um, Ness," he asked, sounding embarrassed and amused. "Please tell me we don't have to wait too much to at least, well-"

I smirked. "I'm that good a kisser, huh?"

He blushed. "It's okay if you don't want to-"

I placed a finger over his lips. "I'm fine with a kiss here or there. I just didn't want to lead anything on before. And no more getting carried away and making stupid mistakes."

He smiled widely. "Got it. No more screw ups, scout's honor."

I busted out laughing. "You seriously need to stop talking or I'm not going to be able to take you seriously."

A small knock came on the door, then it swung open, revealing Jasper, who smiled when he saw us laughing and goofing around. "You staying for lunch, Jake?"

"Sure, thanks," Jacob said, still smiling incredibly widely.

"Well come down, then," Jasper said, smiling back then walking away.

Jacob and I raced downstairs, laughing and messing with each other, and we made faces at each other all the way through the meal. After a huge lunch, we went to Jacob's house and then the dirt track, to ride for real. After an hour in the dirt, Jacob decided to hit some of the low population roads. We spent hours riding around, practicing, just having so much fun. When it got dark, we went to Jacob's house, where he got his overnight bag to stay at my house for the first time in several days, seemingly forever. Pulling into the garage, I thought of something vital.

"Jake," I said quickly and lowly. "My family doesn't need to know the new possible pending dynamic to us, okay? They'd never trust me again."

Jacob just laughed. "Yeah, because I really want to be banned from my second home. I'm smarter than that. And we're just best friends, remember?"

_Just best friends, just best friends, just best friends_… My new mantra. If I wanted to maintain the strength of our friendship, I needed to enter into anything serious fully healed. And fully healed I was not. I had to remember to be smart and to not get carried away just because a boy liked me. I also needed to get off of this high I'd been riding. We weren't together yet. What was it he'd said? We had an _understanding_. Yeah, that's right.

The rest of the night, I made sure to just be best friends. No talking about our pending thing, no kissing (so hard, yet so wrong if we did…), and no thinking about the conversation of the morning. The first night was hard, but after some good rest, my brain worked, and I was able to remember exactly why we weren't anything more.

_Just best friends. _

**A/N: I know, I know, 'Why aren't together!" Patience, darlings. That day will come. Just not sure when. :)**

~Sidney


	13. Fighting and Forcing

**Yuppers, another one. At least you get a few updates at a time when I actually DO update. This gets into some serious and deep stuff, and I'm seriously considering raising the rating on this, just because of the topic in this chapter. It's not meant to offend anyone, nor is it meant as a joke, so please don't insult me or make jokes about this. I don't own, and please review, even if it's a flame. **

"So what are your new years' resolutions?" Jacob asked, leaning against the counter of his small kitchen while I dug in the fridge for something to heat up for lunch.

"I don't know," I said. "Definitely going to try and be a good aunt."

"Cop-out," he said, and I knew he was smirking, even though my back was turned to him.

"Oh, shut it," I grumbled. "Okay, well, I'm going to try to not worry what people think of me, I'm going to be tougher, and I'm going to get over _it._"

Jacob didn't say anything, but when I turned around, he was smiling, his hands sitting loosely on his hips.

"What?" I asked, standing up straight and putting my hands on my hips. "What are you smiling at?"

"You," he said, his smile growing.

"What about me?" I asked nervously.

"You," he answered. "I can't believe I got you."

"Not yet," I reminded him, smirking, but feeling a little guilty for putting him down.

"So? Soon enough," he said, smiling still.

"Even if it takes five years?" I tested. I was being cruel, but the future was unclear for me romantically, or whatever we were.

He laughed. "Yes, that's still soon enough. I said I'd wait, I'm waiting."

I walked forward and slipped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest. "You're too good to me."

He wound his arms around me, resting his head on mine. "No, I'm really not. I'm a greedy son-of-a-gun."

"Oh well, nobody's perfect," I said, giving him a squeeze. Suddenly I had an idea. "Hey, you wanna ditch the track and go to Port Angeles, maybe catch a movie?"

He pulled me back a little, grinning broadly. "Hell yeah! We haven't had an ultimate movie day in a while!"

I quickly phoned Jasper to sweet-talk him into taking us, which he very willingly agreed to, since he was going with Alice anyway. Jacob and I just made sure to get tickets to a different movie… The movie we were going to started half an hour after Jasper and Alice's, so we hung out in the lobby for a while, talking and goofing off, but not enough to get in trouble. We were leaning against the wall outside our designated theater while the clean up crew worked inside, and Jacob suddenly tensed, the arm around my shoulders tightening protectively.

"What?" I murmured, looking up at him concernedly.

He nodded his head across the corridor, where two guys, maybe around sixteen or seventeen, were looking our way. "They're ogling."

"What?" I laughed, glancing over. "No they're not."

"Yes, they are, and I don't like it," he said through gritted teeth. He looked down at me, taking in my attire for the first time that day. He removed his arm from my shoulders and shrugged his jacket off, then held it open for me.

I didn't object, as the theater was rather chilly, and Jacob was very warm blooded, but I was confused. Then I realized I was wearing a blue lower scoop necked T under my loose pink sweater. Damn… "Thanks."

He smiled a bit as he reached for the bottom of his jacket (which was quite close to my knees) and zipped it up to my neck. I flipped my hair out of it and grinned up at him. "You're jealous."

"No, I-" he tried to protest.

"Am jealous," I supplied, leaning back against the wall, throwing a casual glance at the guys across the way.

"Am protective," he said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders again.

"Jealous," I muttered defiantly.

Jacob let out a playful roar and grabbing me in a headlock, ruffling my hair annoyingly. I wrestled him childishly, then he let me win after the guys across the way looked away, annoyed at our disturbing the hall.

Life was seemingly getting better.

New years came and went, school came back in, and Jacob and I were as close as ever. We didn't talk much about the understanding, but once in a blue moon, when we were in his garage or hanging out in my living room alone, he'd lean over and we'd share a single small, brief kiss. Never as heated as our first, but satisfying, nevertheless. January came and life seemed to be getting easier and easier.

In the last week of January, I had a photograph of my bike that I carried in my phone as my wallpaper, and would show it to anyone who asked. One day, Jacob was in a meeting with the counselor, so I was bored at break. Nahuel came up to me and asked me about my nephew and acted quite civil. After school, Jacob was getting the assignments he'd missed while in the meeting, and I was in a grassy area outside the main office, when Nahuel showed up again.

"Hey, Nessie-Bessie," he said softly, calling me his old nickname for me.

"Um, hi," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. Awkward...

"How have you been?" He maintained his soft tone.

I looked down, silently begging for Jacob to hurry, feeling a certain uneasiness about being so close to the boy that had broken me. "I've been…"

"Nessie, do you trust me yet?" he demanded suddenly, scaring me.

"Nahuel, I-_ no_," I said matter-of-factly, backing away from him. He had a look that made me uneasy.

"Why not?" he demanded. "Why am I not good enough?"

I backed away further, but he grabbed my wrist. "I'm over whatever we had," I said, barely able to breathe.

Nahuel shoved me against the brick wall and suddenly his mouth covered mine. I fought him, trying to push him away, but he wouldn't budge. His mouth pried mine open and I screamed, but he swallowed it. His free hand found my hip and crept under my shirt, higher and higher. I was nearly crying, pleading with him to let me go, when suddenly he was ripped away.

"Stay away from Nessie," Jacob, who was holding Nahuel by his neck, spat through gritted teeth.

Nahuel ran away the second he was let loose, then Jacob rounded on me.

"What the hell?" he yelled. "What was that? Why were you kissing him?"

I glared at him. "I wasn't!" I yelled back. "He kissed me!"

"And you were just going along with it because he had a gun to your head, now weren't you?" he said sarcastically, volume not decreasing.

"Jacob, I was begging him to get away from-" I tried.

"I thought we had an understanding!" he said, volume slightly decreasing. "I thought you were over him."

"I am!" I yelled at him. I started walking toward him, but he backed away.

"Yeah, I'm so sure," he said, then turned and went to his motorcycle, angrily riding away.

I called the only person I could think of-Edward-and he came without question. At home, I went to my room and I laid down for a while, paced for a while, then an hour passed. A storm was brewing outside, not as bad as the one within. No call, no text, no nothing. I sat on my bed, then screamed loudly. The parentals were with Rosalie and Emmett and Rose's parents for one of the last appointments she would have, so no worry there. However, I'd forgotten about my other brothers.

Edward was there in a second, and Jasper a second later.

"I'm fine," I said before any questions were asked.

"Nessie, don't do that, it scared us to death!" Edward said in an annoying fatherly voice.

"I'm sorry, just had a bad day," I said, looking at my lap.

"What happened?" my Jasper asked, thankfully remembering he was my brother, not my dad.

"Nothing!" I snapped. "Nothing important."

After a few glares and orders to not scare people, my brothers left. I heard the door open downstairs and I ran, hoping for Jacob. It was the rest of my family. My head pounded and I didn't know what to do.

I ran to my room and threw myself onto my bed sobbing in anger. I was furious. Furious at Nahuel for damn near molesting me, furious at Jacob for thinking I was a willing party, furious at my family for being so freaking nosy, and furious at myself for regressing to tears once again. Sometime in my pity party, I missed my cell phone ringing, and I had a voicemail.

"Nessie, it's Jacob," Jacob's recorded voice said. It sounded scratchy. "I'm sorry I blew up at you, and please call me back. I need to know you're alright. That he didn't… Just, please call me."

It was over. I hit 'call' without thinking.

"Hello?" was Jacob's weak answer. He sounded tired and sad, like he'd been crying, almost.

"I'm fine," I said simply. "I'm not dead, or-or bruised, or anything."

"I feel like the world's biggest dumb-ass," he said, sounding pained and apologetic. "Did that _thing_ hurt you?"

I stared at the phone, holding it away from me for a second. "Not technically. He just kissed me."

Jacob growled. "He wants to die, I do believe. But he had his hands up your shirt; why?"

I shuddered at the memory. "I don't want to know; you ripped him away before he reached his destination."

"Good," he muttered. "I can't believe I blamed you for this. I feel sick at myself."

I couldn't resist my sarcastic reply. "Well, you're not exactly _my_ favorite person right now, either."

"I'm so sorry," he said quickly. "I don't know what I was thinking. I just- The part of me that-that loves you as more than just a best friend, it got out today. I've been trying to keep it hidden, but when I saw him kissing you, and you were making those sounds-"

"I was screaming at him to get away from me," I interrupted.

"-I just couldn't reign it in, and I guess I was just so jealous that he was getting a response-" he continued.

"Again, unwilling!" I interrupted again.

"-out of you, that I flipped." He finished his rant, finally.

"That doesn't excuse the fact that you didn't listen to me," I said rudely, not caring if I hurt his feelings.

"I know, and I'm so-"

"Don't you apologize," I snarled. "You know _damn_ well I don't like him anymore. For all you know, he could have been trying to r-"

"Please," Jacob moaned. "Please, don't say it. It's not like that wasn't already in my head. Please, that's why I'm so sick. You could have needed me."

"I did need you," I spat. "But your ego tripping, over jealous, testosterone driven big head got in the way. Don't act like you weren't thinking these things there. Why was it so hard to just listen to me?"

"Nessie, please," he begged, his lips seemingly touching the receiver. "Please forgive me. I was an idiot, I abandoned you, but at least I didn't run off and have my way with some random girl because I-"

"Shut up!" I screamed into the phone, thankful my door was closed. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

"Oh my- Oh Ness, I didn't mean it like-" He seemed to realize what he'd been saying.

"You meant it like you said it," I hissed, dangerously close to pitching my phone against the wall. Tears burned my eyes and it was all I could do not to begin sobbing again. "You meant that maybe you were an ass, but you didn't go and do someone because I was giving it to someone else. Jacob Black, I'm not a fool, and I know you better than you know yourself. Don't apologize until you mean it and don't tell me you didn't mean every word you said."

I hung up and then fell backwards onto my bed, my body wracking with sobs. It was as if all the old wounds were back open, along with new ones. I slowly got up and dragged myself to my bathroom. In my shower, the water running as hot as possible, I scrubbed every inch of my body. I felt dirty and used, like Nahuel had gotten further than he truly managed. I scrubbed my lips until they chapped, then rinsed with mouthwash until all I could taste was spearmint. I contemplated forcing myself to be sick, to get any essence of his disgusting mouth out of my person. After my body sanitation, I put on my warm pajamas, then retired to my bed, where I cried myself to sleep, just like the first time.

The next few days of school, I used all of my energy to avoid Jacob. I would get home and cry, sleep, eat a small bit to satisfy my terrified mother, then cry myself to sleep after scrubbing my body, which still felt so disposed of. I didn't speak to Caleb or Alicia, I skipped out on meals to stay away from the populated cafeteria, and I became messy. February came within the few days I couldn't, _wouldn't_, talk to Jacob, and time seemed to pass painfully slowly.

After a particularly long, boring weekend, the first I'd spent alone in my memory, I was too emotionally exhausted to care about how I looked, to I showed up to school in jeans, a boring white button down, a grey cardigan and tennis shoes, and no makeup on. To top it off, my hair was a rat's nest, so I pulled it into a loose bun, which fell apart around my face. The February chill tinged my pale face pink, and that only added fuel to the fire.

I was rushing to the parking lot after the last bell, where Bella said she'd wait for me after school, when suddenly I was grabbed by the arm and dragged behind a rather tall bush that people went behind to make out during break. I was not surprised to find myself face-to-face with Nahuel.

"You're impossible," I breathed, terrified by the burning in his black eyes.

"You're a stupid little bitch," he spat, slamming me against the brick side of whatever building we were beside. "You've made yourself look so innocent, but you're really just a little liar and a fake."

I couldn't speak. I was terrified by this sudden temper I was seeing exposed in Nahuel.

"I can show you what a stupid, simple, replaceable, _useless _person you are," he growled, then was covering my mouth with his again. He'd thought this time through, he was hidden safely, and I was petrified.

Silent tears began to stream from my eyes, which I'd shut in submission, assuming remaining still was my best bet. I didn't cry out when he knocked my head against the brick wall, I didn't even cry when he managed to hold my hands immobile above my head. But when his free hand found my collar and ripped my shirt, losing a few buttons along the way, I screamed.

"Shut up!" he growled, his lips at my ear. "Shut up!"

I screamed as loudly as I could, then started jerking my knees up, trying to find the weak place. It seemed like no one was near, or cared. I desperately fought him, trying to keep him from putting his hands anywhere else. He tried to put a hand over my mouth, but I bit him and screamed louder and louder, my throat growing raw. I thought I felt him jerking back a little, then I saw a hand on his shoulder, and then it was over. Some unknown hero had pulled him off of me and probably broken his jaw with a deafening blow to his mouth.

"Never touch her, never look at her, never _think _of her again," my rescuer spat down at him.

I sunk down against the wall, shaking, crossing my arms over my chest to hide the bra Nahuel had exposed in his destruction of my shirt. I put my face in my knees and tried to deep breathe, tried to get oxygen to my brain so I could properly thank my rescuer. And then it dawned on me. Nahuel had tried to force me to… I shuddered and jerked my head up, searching for a sign of him.

"Bella has him," a husky voice said, sounding short of breath. "Said she was calling Charlie."

My eyes slowly scanned up from the large feet, up to the dark, unreadable face of Jacob Black. I lost my breath once again, and it took me a while before I could speak.

"Jacob," I said, shaking still. "I'm sorry."

He dropped to his knees in front of me, holding out something. My cardigan. I took it and slid it on over my ripped shirt and exposed bra, not caring that Jacob had seen my secret skin.

"Nessie, I-" he started.

"Please, don't talk," I said, hiding my face. "I need to go home, I can't talk to anyone right now. I need to get clean."

Jacob put his hand on my shoulder. "Need a ride?"

"No," I rasped, speech becoming difficult. "Get Bella, tell her to leave it, that it wasn't that bad. I don't feel like talking to a million people tonight."

Jacob tried to protest, but I lifted my tear-filled gaze to him. "Please, for me?"

Bella drove me home, staying silent. I was a mess of emotions. Emmett, who'd demanded the entire story when Bella and I showed up at home with my shirt in tatters, unwillingly promised to tell only our parents, so as to not worry the remainder of the family, as did Bella. I knew, though, that he wanted nothing more than to kick Nahuel's sorry ass.

That's how I got to my room and scrubbed my body raw, emptied the contents of my stomach and then some, brushed my teeth until my gums bled, and shut myself away from the rest of the world. I laid on my bed, crying softly for a little while, ignoring my family's attempts at contact. At some point, the thing that had happened on Christmas happened again. I was just laying there, staring at my ceiling, when my chest tightened and fresh tears of pain-instead of emotion-began to stream through the old emotional tears that I hadn't wiped from my face. I waited in suffocating pain, praying for it to stop.

When the pain in my chest ceased and I finally emptied myself of tears, for the first time in ages, I jumped into action. I needed Jacob more than anything, and I wasn't going to go another day or week of wondering what we did wrong and how things would be fixed. I was sick of waiting for everything to get better. Sick of waiting for myself to get over things. Sometimes, I supposed, you needed help to get over things, and if I didn't have my Jacob, I'd never be sure if I was truly over everything we had been through together. Finally, my decision made, I stood from my bed, threw on a clean pair of jeans and a dark purple v-neck T-shirt, then ran down the back staircase to get to the garage.

Jasper was in the pantry, searching for something, and started when I ran through. "I'm going out," I said shortly to him, then ran for the hooks, sliding into my heavy boots, forgoing my leather jacket so as to not lose momentum, then I put my helmet on my head. Luckily my bike was here for the moment, from our last road practice.

I ignored the protests from Jasper and Edward, who'd pulled in and caught on quickly, then tried to stop me. Too late. I was flying down the road, in a brewing storm, to La Push. I had to see him. _Had_ to.

**A/N: I swear, there will be very few chapters like this, but the next chapter will also be pretty deep, but it's kinda necessary to read it, soooo ya. Reviews!**

**~Sidney**


	14. Decisions

**I will begin this with an explanation. Jacob and Renesmee are Sophmores in this, not Freshmen, and I'm not sure why I haven't clarified this before. The aging will make sense later, but they are both fifteen, Jacob almost sixteen, and that will be explained the next chapter(?) I think. Reviews please, and I don't own. **

I got to his house and hopped off the bike, removed my helmet, and ran to the front door. I was soaking wet when I knocked, after thinking for a few moments before _actually _knocking, then the door swung open. Jacob was in only jeans, and when he saw it was me, his face twisted into confusion and panic.

"What are you-" he tried.

"I love _you_, not him. I asked for _you_ to wait for me, not him. I wanted to be kissing _you_, not him!" I said, glaring at him. "I just wanted to let you know."

I turned to leave, then he was turning me around, pulling me in for a hug. I let him lift me up, then I fell apart in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably. _And just when I thought the tears were gone…_ He pulled me into the house, where we stood in the tiny entryway, embracing.

"I'm so sorry, Nessie," he said, pressing himself impossibly closer. "I love you so much, please forgive me."

"For what?" I choked. "Saving my life? Saving my virtue? Jacob, I'm the one who should be begging for forgiveness."

"Jacob?" Billy called from the kitchen. "Is that Nessie? Her dad's on the phone."

"It's Nessie, but she can't talk right now," he called back, then scooped me up bridal style. He carried me to the kitchen, where Billy got a good look at me.

"Carlisle, she's here," he said into the phone. "She's a mess, though." He paused as my father spoke. "I'm not sure, but if I find out, I'll call back." Another pause. "Yes, I think that's a good idea. She can stay here." Pause. "Okay, I'll keep an eye on her."

When he hung the phone up, he gave us a grave look. I realized I was still in a half-naked Jacob's arms, and pushed myself down, rubbing my face. "I'm sorry, Billy, I can leave, I-"

"No, it's storming. It's not a problem for you to stay, hun," he said reassuringly. "I'm going to bed. Jacob, get Nessie something dry, and use your brain, son."

I didn't even question what on earth that could mean. Billy wheeled himself to his small room, then Jacob tugged me to his own. He sat me on his bed, then dug through a few drawers, then handed me an overly large t-shirt and a pair of small (enough) sweatpants.

"They're from when I was about nine," he explained. "I really need to clean up in here."

I thanked him, and he left for the two minutes it took me to shed my soaked clothes. I sat on his bed again when he came back. He took my wet clothing and went into the small bathroom across the hall, hanging them over the shower rod to dry. When he came back, he shut the door, sat on the ground in front of me, and gathered me into his arms. He held me for a while, letting me spill more tears. He pulled back when my sobs ended, cupping my cheek, then moved to kiss it, but I had other plans. I aimed to get closer, and I kissed him full on the mouth, which he returned eagerly. Our mouths moved together, closer for me willingly than Nahuel had tried to force me to. Jacob lifted himself up and lifted me as well, moving to his door.

"What are you doing?" I asked when he pulled back for a breath.

"Using my brain," he said simply, then reattached his mouth to mine.

My hands were at his neck, and his at my waist, rubbing the area where my borrowed shirt was riding up. I moved a hand to his hip and repeated my actions of the first kiss. I felt his muscles on his side, while his fingers trailed around my waist. I was getting heated up, but I only wanted to be closer. Jacob lifted me by my waist, and I circled his hips with my legs, lifting myself closer to his lips while his hands explored my waist and stomach. I was so high, so tense, so incredibly heated, that by the time he pulled his mouth back, I cried out.

"No!"

He suddenly turned us and dropped me onto his bed, then ran out of the room. I followed, and found that Jacob was in the living room, bracing himself on the wall, heaving for air. I rushed to him. He had his eyes closed, small tears leaking from under his eyelids.

"What's wrong?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his waist, just hugging him. His tears brought me back down and to my senses quite a bit.

"We can't- This was wrong," he breathed, hugging me close. "We should have talked, should have made up, not- Not borderline jumped each other."

"Jacob, it's my fault, I started this," I said, squeezing him. "It's nothing on you."

He shook his head, which was resting on mine. "No, I accused you of something you didn't do. I let you put yourself in danger. It's my fault. I ruined everything."

"No," I whimpered, trying to rock him. "It's fine, we're fine, just… Just don't say that. We can talk it out now. It's just a little backwards!"

"Nessie," he said seriously. "If you hadn't said 'no' I would have never let you go, and everything we've decided would have gone out the window."

"I had to feel you kiss me," I whispered, looking up at him. "I couldn't let _his_ be the last. I needed to be close to you."

He shook his head. "I'm a teenage male. I can't think when I have a beautiful girl literally wrapped around me. I wouldn't be able to control myself."

"But you did," I reminded him. "You stopped before I did. I was fully prepared to never let you go, but you snapped me out of it."

He held me tighter. "I'm so stupid. You had a traumatic experience. I should have been rational, instead I gave into you being so vulnerable. This can't be helping you. I'm such a jackass…"

"No," I said firmly. "No! You were making me feel better, letting me get my way for once. I'm the stupid one."

"Ness," he sighed, burying his face in my hair. "The part of me that loves you as more than a best friend, it's trying to take over. I can't stop myself from getting my hopes up and wanting you."

I buried my face in his chest, inhaling his scent. "I'm so sorry I'm broken. I'm sorry that you think I'm the only one worth anything, when I'm really not. There are plenty of people out there that you could have."

"But I don't want anyone else," he sighed, breathing in the smell of my hair. "I've only ever wanted you."

I had to stop the tears. "But will you always think that? Will you always want just me, just what I have to offer? What if another girl comes around and she's perfect? She's unbroken, beautiful, kind, loving. What if?"

Jacob shook his head. "I already know who my perfect girl is," he said softly. "You're what I want, not some Barbie doll. I love that you depend on me, that you trust me to fix you, and I love the way you love me."

I whimpered, then finally gave into the ever-leaking tears. "I love you, Jacob. I wish things were easier than they have to be."

He held me closely, rubbing my back a little. "I love you more, trust me. Just tell me what's not easy and I'll fix it."

After I stopped crying and when Jacob had calmed sufficiently enough to be trusted (by himself; I trusted him more than he seemed to trust himself) in a small enclosed space, he changed into some more comfortable sweats, but remained shirtless. We didn't close the door again, for fear that we would do something foolish again. I began to turn cold, and was shivering when Jacob decided I needed to cover up, so he pulled back the sheets and comforter to his small bed and placed me into it. He laid on top of the covers, with only a loosely knit blanket of his own, and we simply laid there for a while, until we decided it was time to finish our discussion.

"So," I said quietly, looking at Jacob, who had the blanket thrown casually over his stomach and his hands under his head.

He looked at me, registered my serious expression, then rolled onto his side, deciding this was probably something he needed to listen to. "So."

I gulped. "What just happened, I think that…"

"That?" he encouraged, his expression unreadable.

"That this showed us that we can't _not_ be together," I said, chewing my lip. "I wanted to be able to be better and over everything before I got serious, but this…"

"This changes things," Jacob said softly, lifting a hand to my cheek, caressing it gently.

"This really changes things," I agreed, savoring his touch. "I don't think I want to risk losing you again."

Jacob looked contemplative. "What do you mean?"

I braced myself, and against all rational thoughts in my head, began to do what my heart had been screaming for me to do since Christmas. "I'm sick of trying to fix myself, when I'm only more broken when I don't let you in. I think that when I shut you out, it kills any progress I've made in getting better. I can't be unsure all the time, and, as greedy and wrong as it sounds, I can't let you see others. I don't want to let you go."

A smile broke across his beautiful face. It was full of life, gleaming in happiness, and contagious, yet so soft, loving, and encouraging, and I found myself smiling back. He traced my lips, the shape of my smile, with his thumb ever-so-softly. "I'll be whatever you want me to be."

My smile faded a bit. "I want to be better, and I want to be whole for you, but maybe… Maybe I'm not whole _without_ you. I want to still be best friends, but I think that maybe, when we're really together, I won't feel broken anymore. I always kind of assumed that after the baby was born, then I'd be okay, but now… Maybe my independence has to end somewhere, on someone."

Jacob's smile brightened impossibly, as he spoke excitedly. "I can be that someone. I _want_ and _need_ you to trust me enough to depend on me."

I felt the threatening sting of approaching tears behind my eyes. "I want to trust you and to be able to depend on you."

"But…?" Jacob asked, his smile dimming a tiny percentage.

I gulped. "But I'm scared of being hurt. I can't imagine the pain I would feel if you were to betray my trust like that. I think I'd really die."

Jacob scooted close to me, tossing an arm around my back, pulling me close, so he could breathe in my ear. "I would die before I ever did anything to hurt you."

I wanted to believe him so badly it made my heart ache in humiliation that the tiniest inkling left a fraction of a doubt. "Do you mean it?" My voice came out thick with unshed tears.

"I swear," he said, pulling back and looking me in the eye. When our eyes locked, as cliché as it sounds, my heart pounded roughly, and I felt as if our souls were communicating a message we did not yet know ourselves. "I swear I will never, ever intentionally hurt you, and if I hurt you unintentionally, I'll find something to make myself feel double the pain. That's how much I mean it."

The pressure of the tears lightened on the backs of my eyes, and I slid an arm out of the covers to wrap my hand around the back of his neck, bringing his face to mine, but only resting our foreheads together. "Jacob, I want to be best friends. But I also think that neither of us can deny that things are different."

He nodded, his dark eyes piercing my soul. "Definitely different."

I took a deep breath, then finally spoke the words that had been gnawing at my heart. "Jacob, I want to be with you. Really, be with you. Not as just a best friend, but as your actual girlfriend."

His expression was unreadable. "Are you serious?"

I nodded. "I understand if you don't want to, if you don't believe me, after everything that's happened today. But I wanted to let you know, I'm- I think I'm ready when you are, so just…let me know." The words sounded so awkward and clumsy bubbling from my lips.

Jacob smiled slowly, his pearly white teeth appearing as he broke into a full blown, heart-stopping, mind-melting smile. "Nessie, that's what I've been trying to tell you all along. I only want you to be happy, and if this makes you happy, I'm more than willing to comply, and I've been ready for as long as I can remember."

"Can we…mull this over for a few days?" I requested, still faintly hesitant.

"As long as you want," Jacob said, hugging me close.

I relished his warmth. "You're too good to me."

"You always say that, and my reply is always the same," Jacob said, sighing. "It's what you do when you love someone, and you of all people deserve it."

I shook my head and curled into his chest. "Goodnight, Jake."

"'Night, Ness," he chuckled.

It seemed like the events of the day were so far in the past, like a dull ache that would disappear soon, and things felt right. We fell asleep with his arm around my back and my hand in his hair.

**A/N: Review please. This is the most detailed kiss I've ever written, and it took a LOT of imagination, considering I haven't had my first kiss yet(feel free to mock me now). **

**~Sidney**


	15. Trials and Pyromania

**So, ya. Another update. And Lucas, you are a fantastic beta but you completely missed my last author's note! I don't own, review.**

The next morning, about six, Billy woke us up. He'd waken up at about five and thrown my still-wet clothes into the dryer, so the clothes I'd worn to ride over were toasty warm. Jacob, having noticed I didn't have a jacket, let me borrow a sweatshirt. We rode to school on his motorcycle, and were called to the principal's office. I should have known my happy bubble would be popped when I saw Nahuel sitting outside the office, under close watch of the vice principal. The principal interrogated me as to what happened the day before. I told him each and every detail obediently, then I was sent into the secretary's office to wait with her while more 'witnesses' were questioned. Jacob was next, since he threw the punch that made half of Nahuel's face blue.

I wanted to laugh at Nahuel, then I saw Jacob's death glare and remembered exactly why that had happened. Telling the story was easy. I didn't have to remember. But watching Jacob walk through the narrow hallway, emanating anger, I remembered how I felt as all those details happened. Jacob was sent into the secretary's office as well, most likely so he wouldn't kill Nahuel. Alicia and Caleb were next, one at a time, and they also were sent into the secretary's office (and the secretary seemed to be getting annoyed that her personal space was filled with teenagers).

Jacob was sitting on the floor, leaning back against my knees, where I was in a little plain wooden chair. He was tense and angry, so I started playing with his long hair, massaging his head, then put my hands over his eyes when Nahuel emerged from the principal's office, looking angry and petrified. He was led into one of the conference rooms, and suddenly Charlie Swan was following. _When did he show up?_

I lifted a hand to give him a small wave, as did Jacob when he could see. Charlie gave us a small nod, then continued with his duties. The day was getting bad, and it was only nine in the morning. Caleb and Alicia, since they weren't really involved in any action, were allowed to go back to class, but Jacob (since he had gotten physical) and I (whom caused the entire ordeal) were kept. I was getting impatient by about ten thirty, and after I had to repeat everything to Charlie, Jacob was called in. I was really antsy when Jacob wasn't there. His hair was a good distraction for my fingers, which had begun to drum mindlessly on the file cabinet I was beside, making tinny noises that seemed to irritate the secretary.

At lunch time they let us out, and we spent the time in the courtyard, not really talking much. After, we were able to go to classes and get our make-up work. We went to my house after school, where my dad had gotten off work, after an early shift, and my parents called me and Jacob to the kitchen. My brothers were absent, so we were able to tell them everything without any eavesdroppers.

I thought my poor mother was going to have a heart attack when I told her about him slamming my head on the wall. When I told her about him ripping my shirt, I closed my eyes and focused on anything but the distraught sounds she was making, while my father calmed her down. They let us go up to my room while they discussed what they thought should be done, and they informed me that they would be coming to the school tomorrow, with Charlie, and things would be further discussed.

In my room I kicked off my shoes and laid down on top of my covers, trying not to completely lose it before I heard their squeaky bedroom door shut below. When I heard the tell-tale _squeeeeeaak_ below, I rolled over onto my side and pressed my face into my plush decorative pillow. I shook with silent sobs, and I felt Jacob laying beside me, then he draped an arm over my stomach and pulled me back into him. I rolled over and pressed my face into his chest, crying into him while he held me silently, his face in my hair.

"I hate this," I breathed, sniffling a little.

"Me, too, honey," he whispered, sounding strained.

I slid an arm over his waist, pulling myself closer to him, pressing my ear into his chest, listening to the slow _thump_s of his heart like a lullaby. He pressed his lips into my hair, then let out a shuddering sigh.

"What's wrong?" I asked him softly, looking up to his glazed-over eyes.

He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "I hate this for you. I really wish I was able to kill him before this started."

"It was inevitable," I said, running my fingers up and down his spine over his shirt. "At least I'm one of the lucky ones. From now on I'm going to take movies like _Speak_ a whole lot more seriously."

Jacob's lips found my forehead. "Scratch and pull hair."

"What?" I asked, looking at him confusedly.

"Do you remember in ninth grade biology? Mrs. Robins would have those discussions about DNA, and she told us if anyone were to ever attack us in any way, scratch and pull hair, for traces," he explained. "Not that I ever intend you being attacked again, but God forbid you do, scratch and pull hair."

I tilted my head back and gave him a small watery smile. "Last night, talking to you, being close to you, it made me forget everything. When this is over..."

Jacob rubbed his nose against mine. "This'll all be over soon. Maybe we can reach a good place in…_us_, and get your biking license, and maybe I can work on getting my drivers' license. I only have a few more days."

"By then maybe this can all be over and done with," I said hopefully.

"Even if it's not, we'll have fun. We can go to the beach and have a bonfire with the guys and maybe invite Alicia and Caleb, too," he said, smiling as he thought about it.

I smiled a little more. "That would be nice."

He looked into my eyes and remained silent for a second, then lifted a hand to my cheek and tilted my head up to kiss me gently. The world melted away as his lips moved slowly against mine. _Why didn't I do this sooner_? I felt like I'd been ignorant for years, and that it was so amazingly stupid for me to have never seen Jacob. He'd always faded into the foreground of my life. I'd always looked past my immediate bubble for boyfriends, but now… It was perfect.

But that also meant I was in this mess because of my own stupidity. I had never considered Jacob, never thought of him as being more than my best friend, so when another boy hurt me, and this entire mess began, it was _all my fault_ that it happened, and that Jacob didn't get to have a perfect dream girl like he deserved. I decided I would make that up to him, the broken-ness, the lost time, and the tears I'd shed to him and he'd shed _for_ me over my own foolish desires. I wished I was able to give him a clear 'yes'.

He heard my parents before I did, and I was quickly flipped onto my back and being tickled as my parents climbed the stairs near my room. I giggled like mad as his fingers danced across my ribs and stomach, swatting at him and then accidentally kicking him off the bed when my parents stepped into the door.

"Whoops!" I said, sitting up quickly and peering over the edge of the bed, where he was flat on his back and clutching his stomach in laughter. "You okay?"

"Ouch," was his answer, amidst his laughter, pointing to the place my foot hit. His brow bone, yikes…

My mother's eyes were a little red, and my father had a would-be serious look, if it weren't for the laughter he was trying to suppress.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Jake!" I said, jumping off the bed and scrambling to my bathroom for a wet rag. I got a fresh one and ran cool water over it, then ran back into my room, where Jacob was sitting up, still laughing.

My parents went to sit on my bed while I dropped to my knees beside Jacob, pressing the rag to the darkening skin of his forehead. After he placed his own hand over it to hold it in place, I pulled my computer chair up to my bed and sat down, looking to my parents expectantly.

"Verdict?" I said nervously, looking between them, occasionally throwing a glance to Jacob, sitting cross-legged beside my chair, sufficiently reigned in for the moment.

"We want to know how you feel about things first," my father said. "How you feel about what happened."

I thought for a few seconds. "Well, other than being p- _ticked_ at him for thinking he could use me like that, and a little scared that he actually _tried_ to, I'm fine. It's over, Jacob saved me, and I know he wouldn't let me get hurt again."

"Which poses the question of why he wasn't there in the first place," my mother asked, looking confused, but not bitter. She was never bitter, she always gave her kids a chance to explain themselves, and Jacob was sort of a fourth son (if only she knew), like Rosalie, Bella, and Alice were sort of like her other daughters.

"I was in the parking lot with Bella," he said, looking guiltily at his lap.

I noticed the glance my parents exchanged. I suddenly felt foolish for thinking I could sneak something like my new feelings for Jacob past them. They were incredibly smart, so the next question was in my head before .

"Why weren't you two together?" my father asked. Ding ding ding, we have a winner!

Jacob looked guiltier, but I stepped in and took the blame that was rightfully mine. "I was being a jerk to him. We had a fight, and I wasn't speaking to him, but he'd been keeping a close watch. The Weber twins heard me panicking and Alicia went to get him while Caleb tried to fight Nahuel away himself. I guess I need to thank those two as well."

My father studied us like I'd studied him and my mother. "Jacob, thank you for all you've done for our daughter."

Okay, that was _not_ expected. Jacob blushed, and I was still confused, but my mother jumped right on in. "Yes, darling, who knows what could have happened if you hadn't been there."

Jacob smiled a little. "Nothing, I would have been there."

I would have pounced right there if my parents weren't in the room, but even with them there I put a hand on his shoulder and he reached his own hand up and gave mine a squeeze. Not too out of the norm…

"Well, we're going to talk to Charlie tomorrow, and things will be decided from there," my father said, finally.

With a last, faintly curious glance in our direction, my parents left. I listened carefully for a moment, then I heard their bedroom door close. As soon as I heard it, I slid off the chair and straight into Jacob's lap, still in the floor. He wrapped his arms around me and chuckled softly into my ear.

"I think they might be onto us," he whispered, making me giggle.

"Well, maybe they can be the final push?" I asked jokingly. "I'm sorry I haven't given you a clear word. I'm as bad as Bella."

"I guess so," he joked, starting to tickle me.

I elbowed him and got up from his lap, offering him a hand, then pulled him to his feet. We went downstairs and watched television on the couch in the living room. I laid my head in his lap, relishing the feel of his gentle fingers in my hair, lulling me almost to sleep.

"Hey, Jake. Hey, Ness," Alice chirped, bouncing through the front door, Jasper on her heels.

"Hey, Alice," I said, not sitting up, but regretting it when Jasper shot us a reproving look.

"How was school?" Jasper asked somewhat rudely, still looking suspicious.

"None of your business," I shot back, sitting up and glaring at him.

Jacob gave me a confused look and Alice had a bit of an air-headed look, not really registering the bitterness in Jasper.

"I was just wondering," Jasper defended, glaring back at me.

I crossed my arms and sat back into the couch, looking pointedly away from him. "I was just saying it's none of your business."

"Fine."

"Fine!"

He stomped up the stairs to his room, Alice following with a now-confused look on her face. Jacob put an arm around me and rubbed my shoulder until I relaxed, using his shoulder as a pillow.

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked, lifting his other arm and hugging me.

"Nope," I said, popping the 'p'.

"Alrighty then," Jacob said, resting his head on mine.

Dinner was quiet. Jacob had left a little while before to get home. Jasper and I exchanged several glares throughout the meal, making Emmett and Edward exchange curious ones, while Dad and Rosalie had a silent conversation mouthing words to each other, and Mom looking like she needed a drink. Jasper was annoyed at being left out of the loop, because Bella (TRAITOR) had told Edward.

I went to bed with my stomach in knots, worried about what the next day with the final decision being made. Finally, I got up and sneaked down to Jasper's bedroom. He was awake, reading a Civil War novella, and didn't acknowledge my presence.

"Jasper?"

He flipped the page.

"Jasper."

He pursed his lips, thinking about something.

"Jasper!"

"What!" he finally answered, putting his book down.

"I'm sorry!" I said, giving him a look that dared him not to forgive me.

He thought for a moment. "If you were really sorry you would trust me with what's been going on or at least tell me why you can't."

"I wasn't going to tell you because you're more rash than the others," I said, crossing my arms. "I was going to tell you after everything got settled. Edward wasn't _supposed_ to know, and Emmett forced Bella and I to tell him."

"I'm not more rash than Emmett!" he said defensively.

"Do you have a wife that's eight months pregnant?" I asked skeptically. "No, he's more worried about taking care of his wife and kid that he is about kicking some kid's ass for hurting his baby sister. He figures the parentals are better suited to deal with it."

"Who hurt you?" he demanded, sitting up straight.

I sat on his bed in front of him. "I'll tell you if you promise to not do anything stupid."

"Okay, okay."

I told him everything that had happened, about Jacob and I fighting, and only left out that Jacob was my almost-boyfriend, even though he was already suspicious, I figured. He sat back when I finished and rubbed his face.

"I'm…sorry I was so mean," he said quietly.

"It's okay, and now you know," I said softly. "So… Thoughts?"

He looked at me like I'd grown another head. "I want to kill that-"

"Jasper!" I said sharply. "Jasper, chill. Jacob bruised his face already, and tomorrow we find out what happens. Leave it."

He opened his arms and sat forward, hugging me awkwardly from the way we were sitting, but the message being the same.

"I'm sorry, Renesmee," he sighed, kissing my cheek.

"It's okay, Jazz," I said, giving him a squeeze. "Just trust me."

He nodded, then I went back to my room, feeling closer to sleep.

I slept fitfully, and the next morning, I felt like I was going to court. At school, they allowed us to attend normal classes, but we were tense. Jacob broke three pencils in math, and got in trouble in science for nearly dropping the microscope we were assigned to use. Finally, we were called to the office, right after lunch.

Jacob was told that, though it was defense, since he caused physical harm to another student, he had to compensate by cleaning the gym after the Pep Rally Friday afternoon. The principal sat me and my family down alone, finally, and informed us that Nahuel was definitely going to be expelled for attempted sexual assault on another student, and that Charlie was suggesting to have a restraining order filed against him.

My parents talked to me and we decided it was best, just in case he came to the house again, and that afternoon, my life was Nahuel Menendez free. I was incredibly relieved, and Jacob was happy, despite having to start his birthday weekend by cleaning streamers and old water bottles out of the gym. We got to my house and the first thing I did was go to my closet, get my Nahuel Box, then I went to the backyard and Jacob and I burned it. Call me a pyromaniac, but it was delightful to see the flames eating away at stupid pictures, love notes, and a scarf he'd given me.

Jacob and I ran off to the old fort, where I had what I thought would be my last cry over Nahuel Menendez. I cried over everything that had happened.

I wasn't about to start being a hopeless optimist though. I'd learned in the last few months that ignorance might be bliss, but reality's a bitch, and I wasn't going to let myself be broken again. Finally, though, things had a clear shot upwards.

**A/N: I love the reviews! Please keep them coming! **

**~Sidney**


	16. Oreo and Ollie and Oh So Sweet Assurance

**This is NOT the end, peoples. I'm not that evil, and I have a whole nother idea to put in this, so don't count on this ending yet, lol. I don't own, read, review, yada yada yada.**

That weekend, Jacob turned sixteen. He had a small party on the beach, with some friends from the rez and a few school friends (aka the Webers). We goofed off with best guy friends, his cousin Quil Ateara and his neighbor Embry Call. They both tortured me about hogging Jacob and never visiting them, saying they were starting to think I didn't love them anymore. Embry got distracted after that, having never met Alicia, and ran off to flirt, as always. Quil and Caleb got into a discussion about some video game, and I knew Jacob wanted to join it badly.

After some coaxing, I convinced him to go ahead, and I'd get his gift from the Clearwaters' house, right by the beach. Sue and Harry had let me hide his gift inside, protected from the rain, and they seemed amused by my choice in gift, but I'd talked to Billy (who loved the idea, because he'd enjoy the gift as much as Jacob) and it was all systems go. Alice's sister's cat had had kittens around Christmas, and was giving them away after they'd been weaned. Jacob and Billy were animal lovers, but Rachel and Rebecca were allergic to most animals' furs. They moved out, and now their allergies were no longer a barrier in their ultimate goal to keep a pet larger than a gerbil alive, and since cats could be self-sufficient, it seemed okay to trust the Black men with one. I picked out a little pale gray girl, the runt of the litter, that had big blue eyes and was well behaved.

The Clearwaters had an old cat, which the little kitten was using as a pillow when I got there. Sue gave me a basket, which she said she used for their cat, Nilla, when she was small enough.

"Sue, you don't have to-" I tried to protest.

"You'll get more use out of it," she assured me, ushering me out the door, showing me that the guys had gotten bored and had started having wrestling matches in the sand. "You need to take charge out there."

I made sure the kitten was hidden in the basket, then skipped outside, like little red riding hood. The guys who weren't fighting (Caleb and Quil) looked amused at my skipping, and Embry and Jacob looked up from the sand at me curiously. Alicia, who was in on the gift idea, since I needed someone to keep the guys distracted, winked at me, while the guys started trying to see what I had. I told them Jacob had to open mine last, payback for Christmas, and I found that everyone else had given old Sweet Sixteen standbys. Sixteen dollars here, a keychain there, a video game or two. Alicia had jokingly gotten him a copy of _Sixteen Candles_, and said we had to double team the guys one day and make them watch it, which Embry laughed at and volunteered himself. Someone had it bad…

Finally, I gave Jacob the basket, where his new kitten had been blessedly quiet. He studied the basket for a moment.

"That was Sue's doings," I explained. "She thought it'd come in handy."

He looked at me curiously, then flipped one of the sides up. There, sitting in a little blanket, was the little kitten, looking picture perfect with her big eyes open wide and her paws propped up on the side. She seemed excited when his jaw dropped and he reached one big hand and scooped her up. She started mewing happily, crawling up his chest when he cradled her. "Hey there!" he said to her, making everyone laugh at his soft side. "What's your name?"

"Anything you want," I said, grinning. "She's six weeks old and house trained, and Billy and I already set up her litter box and food stuff, so you're set for a while. Now she needs a name."

"She?" he asked, chuckling as she started climbing onto his shoulder. "Hmm, what's a good name?"

"Zelda!" Quil piped up.

"No, I'm not naming a cat after a video game character," Jacob said, making everyone laugh at Quil.

"What about Bitsy?" Alicia suggested, looking thoughtfully. She would never survive around these guys if she kept up her girly-girl-ness.

"Too cutesy," Jacob said. See? He thought for a second, then we said the same thing at the same time, scaring everyone of course, as per usual when in a group of people.

"Oreo!" We smiled and laughed, while Caleb and Alicia exchanged confused glances, and Embry and Quil howled with laughter.

Alicia whispered something to Embry, who, in his normal sweet manor (half sarcasm), laughed at her and said the answer loudly (kindly, but _loudly_). "They always do that!"

She shook her head and joined in the laughing. We spent a little while longer goofing off on the beach, playing with Oreo, then everyone decided it was a good time to head home, since a February chill wanted to make an appearance. I was to stay at the Blacks' house, and Jacob and I had our own fun there.

We were sitting on his bed, playing with Oreo, making her chase rolled up pairs of socks around the comforter. She found it highly amusing, and would chew the threads out in excitement. We quickly learned she _loved_ to be stroked on the spot between her eyes, and would purr happily when we did so. We also learned she was an absolute daddy's girl when she fell asleep on Jacob's chest while he was laying back, letting her use him as a jungle gym. It was precious as could be, and Oreo wasn't the only new addition to my ever-growing family.

On Valentine's Day, Rosalie went into labor at about two in the morning, and by six that night, the world had Dillon Oliver "Ollie" Cullen. My nephew was incredibly beautiful, and fairly well behaved for a newborn. He had black fuzzy hair and piercing grey eyes that begged for love, and didn't take 'no' for an answer. I loved to help out when he got home. He was a Mommy and Daddy boy, but he loved his Auntie Nessie when Mommy and Daddy needed sleep. He was just like a little doll that screamed when it was hungry.

Emmett and Rosalie named Edward godfather, understandably as the next oldest, and said Bella would be godmother when she finally agreed to marry Edward (how on Earth she'd held off giving him a clear answer for a year so far, we'll never know, but we knew ultimately she'd give in). I called the title as favorite (though only) aunt, and even when he was mere days old, he had personality. Personality which included grabbing for anything shiny, which meant Rose and I were in perpetual danger to have a wad of our hair snatched in a slobbery fist, and his favorite thing to do was watch a spoon be waved in front of him. His favorite place to sleep was in someone's arms while being rocked. He loved the motion, and would be asleep in moments if you did it just right (light bounces while moving back and forth). It was thrilling to be an aunt, and it made everything seem so much cooler.

Weeks passed, people calmed down at school, Nahuel transferred to a private school for behaviorally troubled students (mostly because it was the only school that would take him when they saw that, past the fair grades, he had violence issues). He wasn't hanging around Forks much anymore. Emily was progressing into her pregnancy, nearly seven months now, and was getting through a lot herself, though she never gave a clear answer as to what.

Near the middle of March, my parents decided to treat Emmett and Rosalie to a Friday night of their choice, after spending a month of non-stop parenting and baby-obsessing. They couldn't bear the thought of leaving Ollie, so their night ended up ordering Chinese take-out and watching a movie downstairs while Mom and Dad watched the baby upstairs, in ear-shot. Edward and Bella were having dinner with Charlie, and Jasper and Alice had a date of their own. I was bored to tears, and I knew Jacob would be as well, so Billy, who had been visiting to meet the baby that afternoon, suggested we go to La Push for the night, because "Oreo was missing her mommy."

That made me and Jacob both blush deeply, but we didn't say anything or talk about it. Billy retired early, so Jacob and I were able to make a little camp in his room, and be as goofy and rowdy as we wanted.

We were laying on our sides, facing each other, laughing as Oreo used us for a huge playground. We found out she loved our hair, and we had to remember to pull it into ponytails if she was going to be close to our heads. We would kiss and cuddle her, and when she got sleepy, we put her into her little basket, which she'd decided was her own personal dream house.

When she was curled up and sound asleep, Jacob elbowed me and said jokingly, "I don't know what Emmett and Rosalie keep complaining about. This parenting thing is easy."

I shot him a bemused look. "Well, we're not parents, and that's a cat; my nephew is a human, I think. Even though Mother calls him a siren when he gets upset."

He rolled his eyes. "Take a joke, will ya? And we may think she's a cat, but she seems to think she's a person. I'm sure if she could talk she'd be saying 'Daddy! Daddy! Play with me! Hold me!'" he said in a high pitched, whiney voice.

I scowled at him, then flopped down onto my back. "You have some serious issues, my friend."

"Friend," he snorted. "Whatever."

I swatted at him. "If we want to be allowed to do things like have sleepovers and run off into the woods to hang out in our secret hide-outs, then yes, _friends_, at least to the rest of the world."

"Well, I wanted to talk more about that, actually," Jacob said, smiling proudly. I figured he was proud of himself for beginning a conversation with words and not a fight and/or impromptu make-out session.

I smiled at him. "Okay, so talk."

He moved and sat against his headboard, pulling my head into his lap, playing with my hair, pulling it down from its ponytail. "Things are getting better."

"Yeah," I said, smiling up at him brighter. "They are."

"I was wondering if you'd done enough mulling," he said shyly. "I don't want to push you, but I'm starting to worry."

"About what?" I asked gently, grossing myself out with the maternal tone that came out. I needed to stop trying to carry on conversations with people right after hanging out with Ollie and/or Oreo.

He chewed his lip nervously. "That maybe you don't need me anymore, now that everything is over."

I took his hand that was currently combing through my hair. "I'll always need you, Jakey."

"But…" He struggled for the right words. "Will you _want_ me? You seem so much better, and now _I'm _afraid."

I sat up and scooted as close to him as I possibly could while still facing him. "There's still a lot going on," I whispered. "I was afraid that you didn't want to keep going. I was giving you time, trying to get better, to see if you would change your mind."

"About what?" he said, letting out a little laugh. "You? No way. I just was thinking that you'd changed _your_ mind."

"No," I said firmly. "I haven't. My word from the night I ran here still stands. I'm ready when you are." I said the last part softly, my breath catching in my throat as his possible answers started flying through my head.

Jacob's smile looked almost painful, it was so wide. He gathered me in his arms, pulling me into his lap, our chests pressed together so we were looking each other directly in the eye. "I'm ready when you are."

"So, are we…" I couldn't find a word that deserved to describe the new place we had reached.

"Courtin'?" he said in a tragic mock southern accent. Leave it to Jake to lighten up a moment.

I let out a breathy chuckle. "That's one way to put it. Are we… Together?"

He smiled softly, whispering in his husky, delectable hum, "I think that's your shot to call. But if you want to do it the old fashioned way: Nessie, will you be my girlfriend?"

I felt the smile split my face before I realized it was there. I nodded furiously, then managed to choke out a small 'Yes!' before I brushed my lips softly over his.

His smile matched mine, and I had to literally force myself not to pounce on him. "We have to go slower, though."

"How so?" he teased, catching my lips with his.

I moaned almost inaudibly, luckily. "Going slower, not getting carried away, and easing our families into the idea."

"And then what?" he asked, his lips now ghosting down my jaw.

"And then we can run away and be circus people," I joked, kissing his nose.

He smiled against my jaw, then moved up to my lips, leaving feather-light kisses. "Circus people?"

"Yeah," I said, combing my fingers through his hair. "You can be the unnaturally tall man and I can be the ringleader."

"Ringmaster?" he suggested, resting a hand on my lower back, sending shocks all over my body.

"Yeah, that."

"Why do you get to be the ringmaster?" he teased lightly, nuzzling his nose against mine.

"Because you always let me have my way," I said, smirking at him, wrinkling my nose against his Eskimo kisses. "And because I don't have any other talents."

Jacob gave me a stop-putting-yourself-down look, then caught my lips. "Well, you're pretty good at _that_, but I don't think that's a circus act."

I smiled against his lips. "It can't be, or our parents wouldn't let us have sleepovers, or hang out in our rooms alone, or sneak out to the fort or the garage…"

"My dad might," Jacob said, running his nose across my cheek, tickling me with his eyelashes as he did so. "But I guess your parents wouldn't be very into the idea of giving a teenage boy freedom to corrupt their little girl."

"Like I said," I murmured, shivering under his simple touches. "We have to ease them into the idea. Maybe flirt a little," -I batted my eyelashes flirtatiously- "decide to call our movie days or biking lessons dates," -I gave him a little Eskimo kiss- "maybe a kiss on the cheek or head here or there." I kissed him on the apple of his cheek, then in the dimple that appeared when he grinned at my antics. "And then we can let someone catch us doing this." I brushed my lips over his again. "Then my parents will talk and decide that you're the best choice for their little girl, and they'll decide that we should be boyfriend and girlfriend."

He smiled. "You're a sneaky little vixen, aren't you? You thought it all out. Thank you God, I love having a genius for a girlfriend."

"Girlfriend," I repeated, my smile beginning to surpass his, if that was possible. "This is so weird. I always thought of you as… I don't know. _Not_ my boyfriend. The guy who'd hunt down my boyfriend if he made one wrong move."

"Well," he said matter-of-factly. "I always knew that we were going end up together at some point. I just knew it, and look who was right."

I made a face at him. "Yes, because every four year old knows who their soul mate is." Whoops… Did I just say the S-word?

Jacob surprised me with his response. "Nope, I don't remember deciding it, I just knew it as far back as my memory would go. I think it has something to do with Mom and Esme joking about us getting married when we were still small enough to nap in the same crib."

Wow, Jacob rarely spoke about his mother, so he must be serious. Sarah Black had died when we were merely seven year olds, and Rachel and Rebecca were fourteen. She and Billy had been in a car wreck, and while Billy had been paralyzed from the waist down, Sarah had suffered a severe head injury that took her from this world in a matter of days. Jacob didn't let on that he remembered much about her, but I knew she was never far from his mind, and always in his heart.

I slowly, softly, gently kissed him. I had to let him know that while I wasn't whole, I was still his, and that he was mine. He returned it with enthusiasm, while still making sure not to overdo it. When our sweet kiss ended, we were both smiling.

"I love you," we whispered at the same instant, then smiled wider.

"Well, I'm beat," he said finally, after we'd been sitting quietly for about thirty seconds. "Ready for sleep?"

I smiled and laughed. "Yeah."

He laid on top of the covers again, while I got under them. When I brought it up, his excuse was that he was hot-natured, and that he'd never sleep if my teeth chattering kept him awake all night.

"And you snore anyway," he said, elbowing me playfully. "That's already bad enough."

"Hey!" I protested, smacking him on the head. "Not a good thing to say to your _girlfriend_."

Jacob beamed and gave me a last kiss on the nose, then settled down. The last thing I heard before I fell asleep was, "I like the sound of that."

**A/N: Okay, confession time: I borrowed my wonderful beta, **Lucas McDrake's**, birthday for Ollie. I just thought it would be so cute, and a little shout-out for the guy that puts up with my insane stories and atrocious spelling and grammar(somewhat kidding...). Reviews peoples!**

**~Sidney**


	17. Black Out and Blankets

**New update! LMD's on a roll, it seems. He's making me feel like a turtle. I don't own this, but I do own my pretty purple laptop named Filburt! Review!**

I woke up the next morning feeling colder than I had the night before. I looked around and saw that Jacob was absent from the room. I got up and wrapped his abandoned blanket around my shoulders to shield myself from the icy, bitter cold as I went in search of the Blacks. I found Billy and Jacob in the kitchen, lights out, listening to an old wireless radio.

"_With cold fronts coming in from the northwest and last night's rain storm, many neighborhoods are without power, the roads frozen over on most of the Olympian Peninsula, and no word has come yet for when to expect this record-breaking snow to end. Now to your local news for word about your area_," a sharp, dignified male voice said on the radio.

"Snow?" I asked, sitting down next to Jacob. "This late?"

"Yeah, power's out, too," he said. "We were listening to see if the roads are closed."

Since the power was out in the Black Bachelor Pad, we had to make our own warmth. They, luckily, had some emergency candles, which we put in old pie tins to put in the places with no windows (bathrooms, and the kitchen, since there was only one tiny little window). Billy was lucky. He could go everywhere warm, all he had to do was pile blankets on is lap and wear a jacket. Jacob and I had to find a place to stay and get close. Really close… Insert eyebrow waggle here.

The power being out forced us to use our imaginations to entertain ourselves. Imaginations that included Billy's, so that meant low-key affection. Jacob managed to convince Billy that I was still upset about the events of the weeks before, even though I was actually healing (slowly). Billy wanted to stay in his little room anyway. He said he was in the middle of a good book and today was as good a day as any to finish it.

Jacob and I played cards in his room, wrapped in blankets and with more layers of Jacob's clothes on. Finally, him being five sizes too big for me paid off. I particularly liked his large camouflage sweatshirt, and told him I was keeping it. It smelled just like him. We played every card game we knew. We played 21 through the deck about three times, Go Fish, and coaxed Billy to join us to play Bull. I learned where Jacob got his sneakiness from. Billy played dumb as we explained how to play, then buried us alive three times in a row. For lunch, we had cold cereal, which really didn't make the whole freezing our butts off thing any better. After, Billy decided to take a nap, earning ruthless teasing from Jacob about being an old man, but I knew he was secretly throwing a party in his head, just like I was.

The second we heard the unmistakable _click_ of a door being shut, we made our way to the couch, where we settled under several blankets, legs crossed over each other and cuddled together. We talked quietly for a little while.

"How do you feel today?" I asked softly against his neck, feeling a tiny thrill of excitement at the memory.

He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me close. "Amazing, fantastic, brilliant, blessed… You get this gist."

I smiled into his neck, kissing it softly. "My sentiments exactly. This feels right, ya know?"

"I know," he said, a smile in his voice. "I wish we were together before all of this, so you wouldn't be in pain."

"I'm sorry, Jacob," I sighed. "I was so stupid before. This is all my fault."

"No," he said, shaking his head, making the part of his neck I was kissing twist around irritatingly. "I mean, I wish you weren't so…vulnerable. I feel like a pervert, going after you when you're in such a vulnerable state."

I sat up and took his face in my hands. "No. I love you, and I've been ignorant to what was right in front of me. If this hadn't happened, I may have never realized I had you as an option, and I would have lost my chance with you." I looked into his eyes, making him believe the truth, then repeated, "I love you."

He smiled, then kissed my pulse point on my neck. "I love you, honey." He kissed my jaw bone. "I'm just happy I finally got you." He kissed the corner of my mouth. "I still can barely believe it."

I pursed my lips thoughtfully, giving him ample opportunity to kiss my jutted out bottom lip, then cover my entire mouth. "Mmm…"

"Am I awake?" he asked in my ear. Darn my oversensitive ear nerves.

"You are _definitely_ awake," I said, giving into his sweet kiss.

We enjoyed each other, just playing around, teasing one another, exchanging light kisses. Just when we allowed ourselves the luxury of deepening the kiss, the front door swung open out of no where and we barely had time to detach our lips, let alone unwrap ourselves.

"Rachel!" Jacob exclaimed, staring at his older sister in shock.

"Oh, wow," she said, looking dumbfounded.

I was mortified. It was bad enough that my brother had caught us in an accidental kiss, but Rachel had walked into a fully intentional tryst. I didn't know what to do, so I buried my face in Jacob's neck, scattering my hair around us both. Jacob absentmindedly rubbed little circles into my lower back, while apparently still gawking at his sister.

"What are you doing home?" he asked, as she closed the door and stomped some of the snow from her boots.

She walked further in and collapsed into the armchair, I assumed. I still couldn't bring myself to look at her. "My classes for the weekend were canceled from the storms. I just have a load of homework to do and e-mail in. I decided to pay my dad and baby brother a visit. But I guess my baby brother isn't as much of a baby as I like to think." She then added as an afterthought, "Why the hell are the lights out?"

Jacob's arms tensed around me. "Power's out. And I'm sixteen, in case you forgot. And I'm _not_ a baby."

"Apparently," she said, and the look she gave him made his arms tighten around me. "Since when are you and-"

"It's none of your freaking business," Jacob said, annoyed.

I could practically hear her eyes roll. She was the twin Jacob must have paid more attention to when his brain was hard-wiring itself on behavioral habits. "Whatever, just wanted to know why my brother didn't tell me he got the girl he's been obsessed with forever."

"It's new," I squeaked, still hiding, so my voice came out muffled.

She laughed. "Nessie, I've known you since you were born. I'm not going to kill you for dating my little brother."

I shook my head in Jacob's neck, tightening my arms around his waist.

"It's not that," Jacob explained. "Rae, you can't tell anyone about this."

"And why the hell not?" she demanded. "I thought you'd be bragging about this to the world."

"Rachel, you didn't come home for Christmas," he spat. "You and Rebecca never come home. You don't know what's been going on with us down here. Rebecca I get; she's engaged to that surfer guy and she was meeting his family. You, though. You have no right to traipse in here and assume you know and care what's been going on, because we all know that you don't."

"Hey!" she protested. "I was working to pay for college. You know that good and well. And you're the one who always says 'nothing' when I call and ask what's been going on."

"Well, maybe-"

"Shut up, Jacob," I murmured into his neck. "Don't fight, you'll regret it later."

"Nessie, she-"

"I said shut up," I muttered, finally pulling myself out of his neck and looking him square in the face. "Explain it rationally, then fight if she doesn't get it."

He searched my face for a moment, then nodded. He pulled me back to him, then took a deep breath. "Look, Rae, we're not really sure what this is. We've had some troubles with things lately and what we're doing, it's complicated. We're not sure exactly where we are yet, so you can't tell anyone you saw anything."

Rachel sat quietly. "Is this something to do with that Menendez kid and the pregnant girl? I heard about it from some old high school friends I stay in touch with."

"Yes," I said softly. "He was my boyfriend, he cheated on me because he was jealous of Jacob, she got pregnant, and Jacob's been too good to me. We'd been talking about things for a while, so we decided to try things out."

She didn't need to know the full extent of our decision. Jacob had acted well, and not completely lied, but not given her sufficient information to rat us out if she sought necessary.

"Whoa, baby Jake's serious," she said quietly. "Are you two at least being careful?"

"Rachel!" Jacob bellowed, making me jump. "We're not idiots! We've seen enough of what that can do, so do you really think-"

"Dude, I was joking!" she laughed, the same loud, jubilant, contagious laugh as Jacob, just much higher in pitch. "Well, I'm happy for you two, none-the-less, and I won't tell if you promise not to do anything stupid. I swear, I'll kick your ass if you make a wrong move, both of you."

Did I mention Jacob got his way with words from her as well? When we all started laughing, we luckily heard Billy's bedroom door open through the racket, so Jacob and I quickly disentangled ourselves, right before he entered.

"Rachel!" he seemed shocked and happy.

The Blacks caught up while I sat there like a fly on the wall. I didn't realize I was asleep until Jacob was humming in my ear. "Nessie, your dad's on the phone. He wants to know if you're staying over again."

"Hm?" I was still mostly asleep. "Tell him yes, and that it's sleepy time."

Jacob laughed and repeated my answer, then sat back down and pulled my head into his lap, playing with my hair. I dozed in and out for a little while, then was completely waken up when suddenly the power came on, making a loud static-y noise.

"What time is it?" I asked after my initial jump.

"Six," Jacob said, pushing my shoulder gently so I was laying down again. "Go back to sleep."

"No, I'm awake now," I said, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. "Where'd everyone go?"

"Rachel went to the store," Jacob said. "She's making dinner. Dad's with her, doesn't trust her to get the right brand of pasta sauce."

I giggled. "Wow, worried she won't get the right kind of Ragu?"

"I know," he said, not finding his family as funny as I did.

"So is it still freezing?"

"Yes," Jacob said in a no-duh sort of way. He motioned to the heavy blankets on the floor. "Your teeth were chattering in your sleep, so I covered you up, then you knocked the blankets down."

"Alrighty then," I said, smirking. "Well, what do you want to do while we wait?"

He grinned and waggled his eyebrows.

"Okay, no more suggestions for you!" I said loudly, getting up off the couch. "First things first, heater _on_."

Jacob grumbled about never getting his way, then stood up to go turn the heat up. I followed him, then we ended up in the kitchen.

"You know, you complain about never getting your way, but when I try to let you, you fight me," I said matter-of-factly, perching myself on the counter.

Jacob made a face. "I was kidding. Take a joke, will ya?"

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Well, it still made me feel bad."

Jacob walked to me and put his hands on either side of me on the counter. "I'm sorry, honey. I was goofing around. My way is you getting your way."

I put my arms around his neck. "Well, let's say my way is _you_ getting _your _way. What is your way then?"

He smirked and placed a hand on my waist, moving forward to place a small kiss on my cheek. "Anything we can do together that's fun for us both. Biking, movie days, hanging out, stuff like that."

"Well, don't you miss hanging out with your guy friends?" I said in a small voice. "You've been with me so much lately. Maybe Embry and Quil were right; I've been hogging you."

Jacob rested his forehead against mine. "You're my best friend, they're more like brothers than friends, so they drive me crazy if you're not around. I like hanging out with you better. And you like hanging out with the guys, so when I need guy time you fit right in."

I smiled a little. "I like that you have some strange attachment to me."

He grinned and kissed my nose. "I do not. It's not strange. We've been best friends since our mothers met in Lamaze. It's only natural that we're close."

"Our moms didn't meet in Lamaze," I said, laughing. "They met at church."

"They became friends in Lamaze," he said. "When they got sat next to each other and our dads were saying it was dumb to take the class again, since they'd already gone through it before, so that's how they became friends."

"And you know this how?" I found it amusing that he knew something about our parents I didn't.

"Dad's ADHD, too," he said. "When he gave me The Talk, he kept getting distracted explaining how children were born."

I shuddered. "Too much information. Hearing Rosalie going into labor was enough information for me."

He laughed at me. "You were spoiled as the baby."

"You have sisters! I have brothers! It was get tough or die!" I defended, pouting.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Your brothers wouldn't do a thing to you, meanwhile I'm sitting here as a human piñata once a month and I didn't know why!"

I stuck my tongue out at him again. "Whatever."

"See, I'm ADHD, I completely veered off topic trying to make a point," he said, laughing at himself.

"So what _is_ your point?" I asked, nuzzling my nose against his, in my own weird way of getting his attention.

"My point," he said, his expression softening, "is that we've been friends forever. This, _us_, is more important than having guy time, if you need me."

I blushed a little. "I like the sound of that."

He smirked, then kissed me softly. "My line."

"My…you." Lame.

"Lame!" he spoke my thought, grinning.

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up. Isn't there something else your lips could be doing?"

He grinned wider, then kissed me again, just as we heard the front door open. Luckily, the kitchen wasn't in view of the front door, and Jacob had time to get to the other side of the room, after muttering a quick "dammit". I laughed at him, then slid off the counter when Rachel and Billy came in.

"Everybody out!" Rachel ordered. "I'll call you back later, but no coming into the kitchen. I have a surprise."

Jacob rolled his eyes, crossed the room, grabbed my wrist, then hauled me to his room. He went to the bathroom, where we'd put Oreo with some blankets and a pie tin with a few candles (safely out of reach of the kitten's destruction zone), and got Oreo, who was burrowed under some blankets.

"Aw, c'mere," he said in his 'baby voice'.

It was amusing and adorable, the way he talked to her. She jumped right into his arms and crawled up to his chest. We went to his room and sat on his bed, playing with Oreo. Jacob laid back and she crawled up to his face, butting his mouth with her nose. He laughed and kissed her back.

I sighed and smiled, watching the sweet little display.

"What?" Jacob asked, looking at me skeptically. "What are you so smiley for?"

I shook my head, smiling wider. "Nothing, nothing."

"What?" He was getting agitated.

"You're just cute, that's all," I said, making him blush a little.

"Well, um…" He didn't say anything else, mostly because Oreo's paw slipped between his lips when he tried. That was pretty funny.

"Dinner!" Rachel called, and Jacob and I hopped up and went to the kitchen, to get Oreo's food.

When we got in there, Rachel got a funny look on her face, then sneezed.

"Oh, damn, sorry Rae!" Jacob said, in mid-kneel to put Oreo in front of her bowl.

"You have a cat?" she asked, grinning and scratching her nose.

I smiled guiltily. "Um, sweet sixteen gift from his best friend."

She smiled and shrugged. "Oh well, at least it explains why my face was itching. I was starting to think I'd gone crazy."

"Well, she sleeps in my room, and she hangs out there usually," Jacob said. "I think she can eat in there tonight."

He picked up her food bowl and held it a few inches from her, which pissed her off. I grabbed her water bowl and we went to set up a place in Jacob's room. He placed a towel down, then opened the doors to his room and the bathroom, so she could go to her litter box if need be, but not get past the barrier the doors made.

Dinner was fun. Rachel made spaghetti and meat balls, and her surprise was that she'd gotten brownie mix and made brownies with vanilla ice cream, as a make-up for missing Jacob's birthday. After dinner, Rachel went to her old room to sleep, having been worn out from the day. She played with Oreo for a minute, who was getting whiney from having a guest that didn't like her, but she fell asleep fast after that.

Jacob and I crashed in the living room, long after Oreo had fallen asleep, watching a _That '70s Show_ rerun. Things with Jacob were peaceful and natural. I was secretly excited about my family knowing, but I knew we had to wait for a while. Either way, I was his and he was mine, and we were off to a good start.

**A/N: Okay, who else forgot this was an angst? Just me? Ya, I'm so lame. I forgot all about labeling it as angst. Is it fitting though? Well it has been, and it will be soon again, just you wait. Mwahahaha...**

**~Sidney**


	18. Breakfast for Two and Deja Vu

**Okay, next update! I don't own, read, review, ya know how it goes.**

I woke up wrapped up in Jacob. He was snoring lightly, his face in a tangled mess of both of our hair. I disentangled myself from him, then sat on the floor next to his head.

"Jakey," I hummed, brushing his hair back from his face.

"Mmm…" He stirred slightly, clutching thin air.

"Jacob," I sang softly. "Wake up…" I kissed him gently.

"Mmm… Nessie…" He was still asleep. _Was he dreaming about me?_

I kissed him again. "Wake up, honey."

"Nessie… Oh…" He followed me as I pulled back. "Nessie…"

I giggled, then kissed him again. He still seemed to be asleep. His hands searched for me, but he didn't seem to have a sense of direction. "Jacob," I whispered, giggling as he clutched at nothingness.

He moaned against my lips, "Nessie… Please…"

"Please what?" I asked, grinning as his eyes began to open slowly.

"Stop teasing," he said sleepily, finally grabbing something other than air: my shoulder. He pulled me down for another kiss, pulling me to kneel awkwardly over him.

"Are you awake?" I asked, smiling at him.

"Yes," he said, not really sounding it.

"What were you dreaming about?" I asked, smirking at him.

He groaned and rubbed his eyes, sitting up. "Um…"

I sat next to him, letting him use my shoulder as a pillow, though it had to have hurt his neck, since he's got about a foot on me in height. "Were you dreaming about me?"

"I was dreaming about us at the beach," he said, his voice still thick with sleep. "You were jumping in the waves like you do, and then you jumped so high, an eagle that was swooping down caught you by the hair and took you away."

"Aw, sad dream?" I asked, petting his head.

"No, because you thought it was fun, and then you grew wings and flew back and got me."

I laughed. "What were you thinking about before you went to sleep?"

"Um…you, and… Oh, and that myth about Icarus and Daedalus. Yeah, that's it," He reached for my hand. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah," I said, resting my head on his. "And the little show this morning was nice."

"What?" He sounded confused.

"You were talking in your sleep," I said, giggling. "You don't do that often."

"Oh, God," he groaned, sitting up. "What was I saying?"

"You were just saying my name, mostly," I said, elbowing him playfully. "Why, did you dream something else you didn't want me to know?"

"No," he defended. "But I was curious."

I stood up and stretched out, feeling my muscles burn and my joints pop. "Oh, wow, gotta stop sleeping on this thing."

He laughed and did the same thing, then made a face. "Yeah, you have a point."

"Don't I always?"

"Whatever, let's get food," he said, throwing an arm around my shoulders and dragging me along. "Ooh, look, a note."

There was a piece of paper taped to the doorway into the kitchen, in Billy's handwriting.

_Kids,  
Gone to Swan's to visit with Charlie and Bella. Be back later. Call if you leave.  
Love , Billy_

"Billy is definitely buying the act, huh?" I said, nudging Jacob.

He smiled down at me. "Dad's smart, but he trusts us. And it's also only day two."

"Oh, yeah," I said, grinning back. "It's just weird. It feels like forever."

"It _has_ been forever," Jacob said, tapping my nose.

I made a face. "I meant…" I stood on my tip-toes, then still had to put a hand around the back of his neck to pull him down, and kissed him chastely. "That part."

He smiled at me, putting his hands on my waist and leaning down for another kiss. "Well, it was coming sooner or later. Do things feel different for you?"

"No," I said thoughtfully. "It feels natural."

"Exactly," he said, smiling. "It was only natural for this to happen. It's the exact same as before, to me."

"Except no one else can be added to the mix," I said, looking down guiltily. "Again, I'm sorry for being so ignorant to you."

He pulled me close, so we were pressed together. "I said I would wait, and I did. I waited patiently, like a good boy, and now I have you. Is that so hard to believe?"

"Yes," I muttered, a tiny smile forcing it's way onto my face. "I can't believe I got you." My heart gave a painful jolt, dropping down to my toes, then slowly rising. I was having some sick form of deja vu.

_I was sitting on a picnic table in the courtyard at school. It was early winter, right after Christmas, and a pair of arms were wrapped around me. I was resting my head on someone's shoulder, who was speaking. _

"_We've been going out for a whole month, Nessie-Bessie," Nahuel Menendez said. _

"_Yeah," I said, lifting my head from his shoulder and smiling softly._

_He blushed a little. "Can I-can I kiss you?"_

_I blushed bloody red, then nodded shyly. It wasn't my first kiss, but it was my first with him. He lightly touched his lips to mine. At the time, it felt amazing, but thinking back on it, his lips were dry and rough. When he pulled back, he grinned at me. _

"_You're a great girl," he said._

"_I can't believe I got you," I whispered. _

The tears were beading out of my eyes before I could stop them.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Jacob asked. _Jacob_.

"I'm sorry, Jacob," I choked past the lump in my throat. "Just-just remembered something."

"What?" he asked. "Something he did to you?"

"No, no, not that," I said, shaking my head to clear it. "Just- something I said."

Jacob looked at me for a moment, decided I wasn't lying, then pulled me into the kitchen. He lifted me by the waist and sat me on the counter. He got out a frying pan, a carton of eggs, a spatula, and butter.

"I'm going to make my specialty today," he said, like a cooking show host. "A romantic breakfast for two, of eggs and toast."

I giggled, my tears finally shutting up. "What does Chef Jacob need his assistant to do?"

He grinned. "Sous-chef Nessie needs to get a knife and bread, to make the toast."

I crossed my left thigh over my right, uncovering the utensil drawer, which I opened to pull out a butter knife. I closed it back, then reached behind me to the bread box. After I pulled out the whole loaf, I asked Jacob for a plate.

"Nah, ah ah," he said, wagging his finger at me. "Ask right."

I rolled my eyes. "Chef Jacob, could you please give me a plate?"

He gave me a cheesy show-grin and obeyed. I began to put bread in the toaster, next to the bread box.

"First, I will place the frying pan on high heat," Jacob said, turning on the eye. "I will then place a small amount of butter into the pan, for non-stick purposes."

I laughed while he continued to call out the instructions for making eggs over medium (my favorite, which he knew). I toasted and buttered about six slices of toast (two for me, four for the bottomless pit), then cut them into diagonal slices, like he liked. He fixed two plates, putting twice as much food on his plate as he did on mine, as per usual. Then he set the table, with two knives and two forks, even folding paper towels neatly, and placing two mugs filled with hot cocoa down. He got one of the pie tins from the day before, lighting the nearly burnt out candle, and placing it between the place settings. Finally, he took my hand as I slid off the counter, then led me to my place, pulling my seat out for me, then pushing it in just so.

"And now, my sous-chef and I will enjoy our romantic breakfast," he said, lifting his mug of cocoa.

I lifted mine and suppressed wild laughter as we clinked out mugs together. "You're so…you!"

He smiled. "Good, I was starting to worry the voices had taken over."

I giggled, then dug into my breakfast. I had to give it to Jacob: the boy could cook. We ate silently, enjoying each others' company, for a few moments. I toyed with a piece of toast in the dregs of the egg yolk, then looked up to Jacob.

"Jake," I said softly.

"Yeah?" he asked, swallowing hard, nearly choking on the mouthful of egg he had.

"When I started to cry earlier, I was remembering something," I said, looking him in the eye, trying not to wimp out. "What I said to you, 'I can't believe I got you', well… I said it to Nahuel once, the first time he kissed me. I felt guilty that I'd considered myself lucky to have him when it's such a… It's such a blessing to have you, and I hate that I ever thought of anyone else similarly to the way I think of you."

Jacob placed a hand over mine on the table. "I don't care if you said it to one-hundred people. I'm the lucky one. I don't care about anyone you've ever dated. It doesn't matter, because you're mine now. I'm not going to let you go."

I smiled softly. "It doesn't bother you that I've had other boyfriends?"

He smiled back. "Are you kidding? Now, everyday, those losers have to face the fact that they lost you, and now I have you, and I always will."

I picked up his hand and toyed with it, smiling still. I laced my fingers through his, then observed it. My hand, which was small and childish, looked like a doll's hand in Jacob's. I smiled wider, then dropped his hand, letting him finish his meal.

"I think maybe we should go on and tell our parents," I said quietly, looking down at my empty plate. "They're smart, and maybe they'll trust us if we come clean now."

Jacob choked on his last bite. "Come again?"

I slid my gaze slowly up to Jacob's blank expression. "I know it was my idea to keep it a secret, but something just made me think. Rachel knows something is going on, and I think Jasper is suspicious. Better they hear it from us than them."

"But wasn't it also your idea to let someone catch us to let it on?" he asked, after drinking a substantial amount to clear out his airways.

"I know," I said guiltily. "I may not have been in a good state of mine when I decided that. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing for everything," Jacob said, with a light laugh. "There's nothing to be sorry for. Continue what you were saying."

I blushed a little. "Well, along with that, my parents love you, your parents love me, they won't have a problem."

"Parents, you said my parents." He had an unreadable expression.

I caught my breath. "I meant your dad, I'm-"

"No," he interrupted, looking a little sad, but not upset. "Mom loves you too."

I didn't know how to react to that. I simply continued. "I think they might already suspect something, anyway. I think that it would be a good idea, if this is going to be a serious thing."

He looked at me seriously. "This _is_ going to be a serious thing, I hope. I want it to be fun and all, but I don't think this is a regular high school fling. For me, anyway."

I nodded. "Me, either. I guess maybe it was a long time coming. I mean, our moms talked about it when we were babies." Second time in five minutes I brought his dead mother. _Nice, Nessie. _

He smiled this time. _Insert confused face here._ "I think they'll like it. And then I can really have a claim over you." He reached out a hand to cup my chin.

"You always had a claim," I said, scrunching up my nose in what I hoped was a cute manner. "Now it's just a little more."

Jacob's smile was infectious. "Well, I'm not letting you go."

"So you think it's a good idea?" I asked, smiling hopefully.

"Your parents first, or mine?"

**A/N: I've got to freaking hurry and write, peoples! My beta is going fast! Review peoples!**

**~Sidney**


	19. Informatory Family Time

**Yay, update! I'm sick again, yuck. I always get sick, I swear. And Lucas and I are officially turtles, so... Ya. We're slow, well, I'm slow writing, he's slow e-mailing. Ya know how it goes. This is rather filler-ish, and I know this isn't angsty, but the angst will be back very soon. I don't own, and please review!**

Mother was making lunch when we got home. Rosalie was in the kitchen as well, wearing her rarely seen reading glasses as she scribbled notes furiously onto a pad as a client gave her information, Ollie on a blanket on the floor, sucking his fist. I picked him up and sat down at the table, propping him up so he could see my face. He reached out his slobbery fist and grabbed my cheek. I was proud of myself for not cringing.

Jacob sat next to me and gave me a look over Ollie's head, mouthing 'When?'

I jerked my head towards Rosalie, who had her beautiful blonde hair in a messy bun. (How she maintained her stunning beauty after giving birth and with working as a full-time mom and on-call wedding planner, I would never know.) 'In a few,' I replied- by mouthing as well, in case you wanted to know.

"Okay, yes, the alabaster frosting and the orange roses," Rosalie said, scribbling more down. "Yes, yes, Miss Phillips, you'll be a lovely Mrs. Davis. Call me if you remember something else. Yes, goodbye." She hung up the phone and put her head down. "I know, I know, you want alabaster frosting with orange fondant roses. Orange, orange, orange! I don't what Mr. Davis is thinking, letting her have full reign."

I laughed. "Orange roses? And who says alabaster?"

"The future Mrs. Davis, that's who," she said bitterly, looking up. "You're home early."

I was suddenly terrified. My heart beat erratically, and my mouth went dry. I would have dropped Ollie from shaking if Jacob hadn't chosen that moment to ease him from my arms, to his own, where the baby promptly started grabbing for his hair. "Um, well, I wanted to talk to… Well, I guess everyone eventually, but you two are good for now."

"What is it, darling?" my mother asked, turning slightly from her pan, which was sizzling furiously at whatever was in it.

I cast a quick look at Jacob, who I supposed was safe for the time being, since he was holding the baby. _Smart move… _"Um, I'm not _exactly _sure how to say it. It's not bad or anything!" I added quickly, when Rose and Mom exchanged a worried look. "It's just that… Well, I… I have a new boyfriend."

The look they exchanged nearly made me dizzy. They both had about fifty-thousand emotions flooding their faces, then, slowly, they began to think rationally. They looked from me, to Jacob, to Ollie (now attempting to eat Jacob's hair), back to me. Mother smiled lovingly and Rosalie had a huge, cheesy grin.

"And when exactly did you and _Jacob_ decide to try dating?" my mother asked, her expression of mock-annoyance not making a full appearance through her obviously thrilled one.

I looked at my lap, trying not to smile like an idiot.

"Decided a few months ago, officially…decided, day before last," Jacob said, still holding Ollie for protection.

"I thought you did around New Years," Rosalie said, looking more fitting to her hair color than usual. "You two were talking and I heard you. But then… Oh, I don't know, but that's great. And Jacob, you hurt her, I kill you."

Jacob grinned. "Aye aye, captain."

Mother smiled. "Sarah would be thrilled. We used to plan your wedding, you know. When you two would have your 'play dates'."

Jacob's grin didn't fade. "We know. We blame that for this. We never stood a chance with anyone else."

I laughed a little. "It's not _really_ going to be different. We're still best friends, but it's just…more than that now."

"Because you weren't already one step away from sharing a pulse," Rosalie said, with a little roll of her eyes. "It's totally unsurprising. You're predictable, and you two have been one person for as long as I've known you. Sorry, doll."

Ollie let out a squeal. Jacob looked confused, and I took the baby from him. "I think he needs to be changed."

"Lovely," she muttered, taking him from my hands and swinging out of the room.

"Well, okay," I said, after a moment of quietness. "I guess we'll go find Dad and tell him."

"You're father was called in for emergency surgery at six this morning," Mother said, smirking and turning back to her cooking. "You can still do what you want together. Just know you'll be under constant surveillance."

I blushed and stood up, heading to the stairs behind the kitchen, Jacob on my heels. In the back of my mind I wondered if my mother meant to phrase that _just_ that way…

"Oh, and kids?"

"Yeah, Mom?"

"Door open." She winked.

I made a mad dash up the stairs, Jacob following me while cackling at my discomfort. I made it to the second floor landing, and was about to dash up to the third floor to get to my room, when a large hand caught my arm.

"Oh, no, you don't!" Emmett boomed. "You're not going until you tell me what Rose was smiling about. She said 'Nessie' and that's it."

I hadn't even contemplated telling my brothers. Parents were easy, sister was okay, brothers though… Poor Jakey.

"Um…" I tried to wriggle my arm free, mentally screaming at Jacob to get upstairs _fast_. "Ask my… Boyfriend."

Emmett gave me the most dumbfounded look. "You…and…_Jacob_?"

"Is there something wrong with that?" I demanded, glaring at him.

"No, just… Wow. I thought you didn't know."

"Know what?" I asked, now having an identical dumbfounded expression.

Emmett shook his head. "I thought you'd never see that Jacob was head over heels _obsessed_ with you. I thought you were suffering that horrendous 'just friends' disease."

I blushed impossibly. "Shut up, you're making me feel bad."

"Sorry, babe, but I'm on Jake's side," Emmett laughed. He gave Jacob a goofy grin. "Hurt her, I'll kill you. Other than that, nice one."

He and Jacob high-fived, then he let me go, and I went back up to my room. I went to my desk and sat down, powering up my laptop. Jacob came up behind me, hovering behind me to see what I was doing. I went online, to see what was going on outside of my little bubble.

"What are you doing?" he asked, stooping behind me.

"Seeing what's going on with the rest of the world," I said, going to my e-mail account.

"You're so weird," he said, pushing my hair over my shoulder, kissing the nape of my neck as he revealed it.

I suppressed a shudder of pleasure, and went to an e-mail. It was from Emily, and I smiled - I admit, a little sadly - as I opened it.

_Nessie, I heard about what Nahuel did to you._

My breath caught in my throat. Jacob read over me, gently massaging my shoulders.

_I was a little freaked out when I heard. I imagine he would have done the same to me had I not complied when… You know. I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry, and that I'm glad he's not around here anymore. I think it was brave of you to fight him, and I think Jacob really, truly loves you, especially after stopping him. I just wanted to let you know that I'm glad you're okay. _

_On a brighter note, the baby and I have been doing great. I found out that it's going to be a little girl! I'm happy and excited. I know that the way she came to be wasn't right, but I can't regret this little girl. I already love her so much. _

_That's all for now,_

_Emily_

Jacob finished reading before I did. His lips traveled the back of my neck, his fingers working the knots in my shoulders. "She cares about you," he murmured, lips tracing my hairline, tickling a little bit. "And she was right. You're brave, and I really truly love you. I think she meant to reassure you, not make you feel bad."

I sighed, dropping my head forward, hinting to him to his lips a little further down. He obliged and began kissing back and forth from shoulder to shoulder, tracing the base of my neck. "I wish I could believe that - that I'm brave. I feel like a coward, running away from things, to you."

"Well, that's where me loving you comes in," he said, un-knotting my neck some more, releasing the tightest of knots, earning a pleasure sigh from myself.

"Thanks," I breathed, lolling my newly loosened neck in a circle.

He chuckled. "For what?"

"Both." I let out a small moan as his fingers dug deeper into my flesh, reaching knots I didn't realize were there. "You're _really _good at that."

I didn't have to look at him to know he was blushing, but I didn't care if he was shy or not, he had a good future as a massage therapist/automobile fixer-upper. "Automobile fixer upper?" he asked, chuckling.

"Whoops," I giggled. "Didn't mean to say that out loud."

"Ah, well, it's true. I'm a double whammy," he said, dropping a kiss to the place he'd just freed of yet another invisible knot.

"Wow, Jake," I said, resisting the urge to laugh. "Are you hungry? Mom should be done."

"Sure," he said, abandoning my neck, which spawned a series of 'No!'s from the voices in my head (just kidding, sorta).

"I think it should be done by now," I said, taking the lead to leave, after exiting my e-mail and hibernating my computer. "Let's go."

We went downstairs to find my mother finishing cooking. "Oh, good; Nessie, dear, would you set the table?"

"Yes, ma'am," I said, going to the cabinets. Jacob spotted me, watching warily as I climbed the counter to get some plates.

When we all sat down to eat, Ollie in his bouncy seat and sucking greedily at his fist again, Mother, Rosalie, and Emmett kept throwing Jacob and I glances. We were sitting next to each other, as always, seemingly innocently. Under the table our thighs were pressed together, my foot dangling and occasionally bumping his calf. Edward and Jasper looked confusedly from one another, then respectively to Bella and Alice, who were just as befuddled. It was a quiet affair, until my father got home. He was exhausted, having gotten little sleep, then being called in for surgery early. He made a plate and joined us, explaining what he'd had to do (remove a set of keys from a toddlers windpipes, insert shudder here). The little boy was fine, and woke up a little while after, rubbing his sore little jaw. Jacob cast me a short glance, asking a question with his eyes.

'Later,' I mouthed, understanding that he wanted to know when to tell the rest. Well, Dad took care of that fast.

"What am I missing?" he said suddenly, fork halfway to his mouth. "I feel like I'm missing something. Why is everyone looking at each other?"

Emmett opened his mouth to say something, but my look cut him short, and I answered collectively. "It's nothing, we can talk about it later, when you're rested."

"I'm fine now, is something wrong?" he asked, pacing his fork down and getting his oh-so-endearing inquiring look.

"Nothing's wrong," I said, suddenly getting nervous. I guess I should get everyone informed together, band-aid method. "Just something good happened. At least I guess it's good. Is it good Mom?"

Mother smiled, placing her hand over Dad's. "It's good, Carlisle."

"What is it?" Dad asked, looking confused and curious.

I looked around, sent a silent plea for mercy, then took a deep breath.

"I asked Nessie to be my girlfriend," Jacob said suddenly, bravely. _My hero_…

Dad's expression was blank, then concerned, then _slowly_ became fairly pleased. "Well, that's wonderful. It's about time she looked right in front of her."

"_Dad_!" I choked. "Really? No, 'what are your intentions with my daughter?' Or at least Rose and Em threatened him with certain death if he did something wrong."

"I'm sorry, dear, but Jacob _knows_ what not to do, and you've been overlooking him for years. I think I have to side with him."

Emmett laughed loudly. "That's what I said!"

I remembered there were others present, then turned to look at everyone else. Alice beamed, Bella and Jacob were exchanging wide grins, Edward was nodding appreciatively, and Jasper was unreadable.

Finally, Jasper spoke. "So does this mean I can tell everyone about catching you kissing on Christmas?"

"_Jasper_!" Jacob and I both yelled.

Suddenly there was a torrent of loud conversation and questions. _When? Where? How? Why? We'll be watching you!_ Ollie must have felt left out, because he started squealing and babbling in baby talk, drawing everyone's attention from the conversation to the baby. Rose got up and collected him in her arms, then sat with him in her lap, holding him so he could see everyone.

"Ollie, you know how one day Bella is gonna be your Aunt Bella?" Emmett said, tickling Ollie's tummy, his arm around Rose's shoulder. "And Alice will be your Aunt Alice?"

Ollie squealed and blew raspberries, as if he actually understood. Rose cast a grin at Emmett, then sat back as if reasoning that when the explosion caused by Emmett's upcoming comment occurred, she would avoid the splatter.

"Well, Jacob is going to be your Uncle Jacob."

Mother bit her lip, attempting to not laugh, whereas Dad turned reddish, then started the laughter, though his sounded slightly forced…

Jacob's face was bloody red, and mine was most likely the same. "Edward, you're my new favorite brother."

He grinned at me, then looked to Jacob. "So, Jacob, what are your views on sex before marriage?"

Scratch that. I was assassinating them all.

Billy was an easier animal to tackle. He was home when we got back to the Black's house, wheeling around the kitchen, looking for ingredients for something or another. He informed us that Rachel had gone to visit some friends, but would be back later to say goodbye, then would be driving back up to her school.

"Dad, I kinda wanted to tell you something," Jacob said, leaning back on the counter.

Billy, while distracted, was listening. "Sure, son."

"Well, Nessie and I kinda decided something," he said, using his hands to animate the words, trying to get Billy excited for what he was making out to be a bombshell.

"Spit it out, Jake!" Billy laughed, grabbing one of Jacob's hands as it flailed dangerously closely to a glass full of something clear and carbonated. "What is it?"

Jacob cast a quick glance at me. "Well, we're kinda, sorta."

"Jake!" I laughed, leaning on the counter next to him. "Just say it."

"We're together," he said quietly, looking down at his feet.

Billy looked from one of us to the other, then smiled. "Be smart."

"So you're okay with it?" Jacob asked, looking surprised.

"You're kidding, I hope," Billy said. "Maybe you're not smart enough to have a girlfriend if you aren't smart enough to believe your old man likes her."

I grinned. "Are you smart, Jake?"

He bowed himself up slightly, giving me a playful glare. "Are you smart, Ness?"

"Okay," Billy laughed. "Take it outside. And no funny business." He gave us a little wink, then we raced outside, in the general direction of the garage.

**A/N: So, ya, review. **

**~Sidney**


	20. Loving and Hating

**I be back! Happy Labor Day, to my fellow USA peoples. Um, so this chapter was really tragic and I was unsure about it until my beta's feelings for it were made known, so now I'm sure I made the right choice by changing it. Don't ask me what the original plot was, please. It was sucky and not exactly factual, I figure. So now you have this one, and it actually does a better justice to my long term plan than the previous version of it. I don't own this, ya'll know, but reviews are loved. **

The garage was short lived because I had to get home, but Jacob gave me a ride home, and that was nice. It was nice not having to hide in the garage to give him a (quick) good bye kiss and hug. As I laid down to sleep, I relished in the fact that tomorrow at school, whenever I got a random sympathetic look, Jacob could scoop me up in his arms and show the world that I was his and he was mine. No one would be surprised. It might be a bit of a scandal at first, but they would get over it. Someone or something would draw attention. Maybe Jane and her cronies would get their just desserts. They needed some negative attention.

Monday morning, bright and early, Jacob came to pick me up for school. I met him outside, having been listening for him closely, and nearly fell down the porch steps in my race for him. Jacob caught me in his arms, giving me a huge hug.

"Good morning," he murmured, giving my cheek a little nuzzle.

"Good morning," I replied, kissing the corner of his mouth. "You want breakfast?"

"Sure."

I let go of him and grabbed his hand, dragging him along with me into the house and to the kitchen. Rosalie was cooking this morning, surprisingly, though I understood when I saw Emmett sitting at the table -half asleep- with a wide awake and happy Ollie in his lap. Mother was sitting at the little bar counter on a stool, reading the newspaper, while Rosalie fought a sticky pot of oatmeal. She managed to fill several bowls with it, then sat with Emmett and attempted to feed Ollie with his warm bottle, who was screaming joyfully.

Emmett finally groaned and lifted a giggling Ollie up. "Baby for sale."

I grinned and threw Jacob a quick look, making a silent agreement to get out quick. He laughed, then we both ate quickly, leaving in a hurry. We rode to school, then hung out outside, where there was a thick layer of clouds in the sky, but no rain yet. I sat on a picnic table, with Jacob standing in front of me, his hands on my waist. I was playing with his hair, sneaking tiny kisses occasionally. We talked about little things, silly pointless things, and shared many stolen kisses. A few short glances were thrown in our direction, but not many people seemed to find anything strange about us.

At lunch, I was skimming a grading rubric and comparing it to an essay I had to turn in the next period, not paying much attention to Jacob, who seemed to be dancing on the fine line that would make my neck bloom a purple mark if crossed. "Jake!" I giggled, swatting at him. "No thank you, no marks."

He grinned, then kissed me softly on the mouth. "Bell rings soon. I'm sure that it wouldn't be hard to hop on the bike and skip out."

"No thanks, Mrs. Oliver doesn't accept papers late," I laughed. "We'll do something this afternoon. I promise."

His grin grew. "Sounds good." The bell rang over the school grounds, and his grin became bitter. "I guess we have to go."

I gave him a last quick kiss. "Yes, we do."

We held hands the whole day, and I felt the happiest I'd felt in a long, long time. At the afternoon break, Caleb and Alicia seemed interested in our new development. Alicia was bouncing in excitement, trying to make Caleb bounce with her. Caleb was more subdued, sticking with normal guy behavior (high five, 'nice going', ya know how it goes).

Our literature teacher was being evil to us, and expecting an MLA format essay on the satires of _Great Expectations_ by Friday, right after we had to turn in the one that day, so we went back to my house after school, we hung out in the kitchen to search for a reasonable snack. We made a bunch of chocolate covered pretzels (under close observation of Mother, to make sure we didn't burn anything), then got to work. After two hours of silence (with a few small kicks under the table on occasion), I had a solid outline, and Jacob had…chicken scratch. But he swore that he understood it, and we could work more the next day, but he wanted to do something that didn't require more than three brain cells (for breathing, moving, and talking, of course) and that could be enjoyed in time for him to meet his curfew of eight. Seeing as we had about two hours, we didn't have too much variety. We decided to watch TV in the family room (we seemed to have an unspoken agreement to not push the 'privacy' issue), and had ample…couple time, barely paying attention to the TV.

I was sitting in the corner of the couch, my legs draped over Jacob's lap, and Jacob was all but crushing me into the small space. We were talking cute-coupley talk that didn't really make sense, but it was fun to have our foreheads pressed together and to steal kisses the entire time.

"Do you think this is what all couples do?" I asked softly, grinning. "Just sit like this and act like their talking about something serious and romantic, and that really they're just showing off?"

Jacob laughed. "I think that this is what _we_ do until we figure out the couple stuff we're supposed to know. How's this so different than, say, six or eight months ago?"

"Well…" I thought aloud. "I don't know. Maybe because if my family catches us we'll get warned instead of eye-rolled at?"

Jacob laughed again. "I love you, but you're crazy."

"Really?" I joked. "I never knew."

Jacob rolled his eyes, then leaned in to kiss me, but when our lips were literally _one millimeter apart_, "Brother in the room!"

Dammit. "Emmett!" I whined, turning to glare at him. "Jacob has to leave soon! Can't you leave?"

"How soon?" Emmett asked, standing dangerously within neck-snapping distance.

"An hour."

"Don't even kid yourself," he laughed. "There's no way you two will be left alone for that long ever again."

I sat up and glared at him. "And why the hell not?"

"When you two are left alone things seem to develop, and if anything 'develops' before society and your family deems acceptable, I'll kill him." Emmett's grin didn't fade, but a malicious sparkle entered his eyes.

"You're evil. How about you check on us in half an hour?"

"Ten minutes."

"_Mom_!"

Mother's voice came from the top of the stairs. "Nessie, if you and Jacob want privacy go to your room; Emmett, leave your sister alone. And no closed doors."

Jacob and I didn't end up taking advantage of having privacy. If anything, we were well behaved. All we did was sit cross-legged on my bed, playing with my 20Q game. The real fun was when we sneaked out to the garage to say goodbye, when we had an iced down reenactment of our first kiss.

After letting my heart rate and breathing patterns return to normal, I went to eat dinner with my family, then upstairs to get ready for bed. After I was in my bed, laying on my tummy and bored with my library book for the night, I picked up my cell and dialed Jacob.

"Hello?" he asked groggily.

"Hey," I said softly, curling into myself, imagining Jacob's embrace.

He woke up a little. "Hey, honey. What's up?"

"Just wanted to call you before I went to sleep," I said. "Sorry if I woke you up."

"No, it's fine. I wouldn't have thought about it, but I wanted to talk to you, too."

"I just couldn't wait until tomorrow. I just wanted to talk to you before I went to sleep."

"'Bout what?"

"I don't know, you have anything to talk about?"

Jacob thought for a moment. "Well, I think Caleb likes you."

I cringed. "Really? That's…weird.

Jacob laughed. "I guess. He reminds me of Seth, a little. He just does everything his sister tells him to do. Maybe he told her and she got mad at him for liking her friend."

"Well, he's my friend, too. I don't think he likes me; why do you think he likes me?"

"Well, the way he looks at you, for one."

"How does he look at me?"

"Like he's trying to figure out a puzzle, or like he wishes he had X-ray vision."

"Ew! Jake, he's not a complete and total perv like _someone _I know."

Jacob laughed sarcastically. "Well, how do you think of him? Do you have some bizarre infatuation that will ultimately break my heart, or do you hate his guts?"

I giggled. "I don't know if I hate him. I don't have an infatuation, I'm sure. I know I love you."

I could practically hear Jacob's smile. "I love you, too. I love you _more_."

I giggled. "Really, Jacob? Not playing that game."

"Fine, I just love you more."

"_Jacob_."

"Fine, goodnight. I love you," he said earnestly.

"Goodnight," I said softly, then added before I hung up, "I love you the most!"

The next day at school, I hardly paid attention to anything or anyone but Jacob. I chatted with Caleb and Alicia at lunch. In the back of my mind, though, I kept thinking about mine and Jacob's conversation the night before. After school, Jacob had weights, which was required if he wanted to try out for football. I had to wait for either him to get done with the two hour session, or wait for one of my brothers to pick me up, since Dad was at work and Mom was doing something or another. It was an easy choice.

I was sitting at a picnic table, doing the load of math homework my teacher had assigned with the Webers. They were waiting for their sister to pick them up, and apparently sisters were just as reliable as brothers when it came to punctuality in picking you up from school. Alicia suddenly remembered, in the middle of a math problem that was taking up her whole page (though I'd already figured it out in my head helping her out, but that was just because I was in upper level math), that she had to go get her flash drive from some teacher, so she could finish some presentation or something like that. It was just Caleb and I, and there was an extremely awkward silence.

"Um, Nessie?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah?" I was beyond uncomfortable.

"Um… I have a question."

"Yeah?" I repeated.

He scooted close to me. "I just wanted to try something."

I wasn't prepared for him to kiss me, but after about five seconds, I was back to my full senses, and the way his head sounded against the wet ground proved that my senses were greater than I thought. "What the hell?"

He groaned, sitting up and rubbing his head. "Sorry, I can explain."

"Explain then! I have a boyfriend, you know!"

"Look, I just had to figure something out and now I have. I won't bother you again, and you can take another swing at me if you want." He stood up and gave a sign of surrender.

"What were you trying to figure out, how loud your head sounds against the ground?"

"Look, it's kind of personal. It's a long story and I'm not sure if I'll survive until the end."

I gave him a glare. "I have time. So talk."

He got up and sat across the table from me, out of reach from my fists and/or palms. "I guess it's been on my mind for a while, but I've kind of had some uncertainty. I talked to my dad, but you know how my dad accepts everyone and everything and only wants to love people and all that crap. He just said he'd support whatever decision I made, even if it were to hurt others. I didn't need a preacher, I needed someone to _talk_ to."

"You're not making a lot of sense, you know."

Caleb sighed. "I know, I'm sorry. Well, I had to kiss you to decide if…"

"If what?"

He looked down shamefully. "To decide if I liked you or not."

"And?" I was quickly becoming self-conscious. This conversation was taking a turn for the disastrous.

"I wasn't sure if I liked you or the _idea_ of you, and now I know. Sorry for not just telling you."

I felt my face burning. "Well, um, you don't like me, I guess?"

Caleb let out a forced laugh. "I guess."

"Well, um, it's okay, you kissing me. Um, glad I could help?"

"Thanks." His laugh was less forced.

Alicia chose that moment to reappear. "Ang is here." She was pointing to the parking lot, where a mini-van was pulling in.

"Okay, Jake should be getting out soon. Bye, guys," I said semi-robotically.

The waved and ran to climb into the van.

**A/N: So review please, I love them so. And LMD, how was this? Since I didn't exactly resend it...**

**~Sidney**


	21. Doubt and Lies

**Finally! I'm back! Sorry for the wait but I am -drum roll please- grounded! I am highy restricted because I have a C in chemistry. I hate chemistry. Well, I love this story, and things had to be done. I don't own, thank you Lucas, and... IDK. Whatever, just read! And review!**

Jacob found me with my head hidden in my arms and struggling to maintain composure. I didn't know why, but mine and Caleb's conversation gave me a strange urge to cry and hide forever. I wasn't sure exactly what translated wrong in my head, for it to send sad feelings to my heart; I thought I'd be happy to know that he didn't really like me, but I realized I was wrong. I had wanted him to like me. It would have meant that someone who hadn't had it ingrained in their head to fall in love with me actually saw me as more than 'that freak with the family'. I was disappointed that he didn't actually like me, and offended that all it took was one kiss for him to decide that little factoid.

More than offended. _Shattered_. I had an overwhelming sense of anxiety overtaking me, and I felt incredibly stupid and self centered. Too many conflicting emotions were buzzing through my head, so I couldn't even protest when Jacob wrapped his sweaty arms around me, thoroughly dampening me through my shirt, which he knew I hated.

"How much did you accomplish?" he teased, sitting on the bench backwards.

I let out a forced laugh at the irony. "A lot more than I'd thought I would."

"What do you mean?" he asked, confused.

I lifted my head up, showing him that I was smiling a sarcastic smile and had unshed tears in my eyes.

"What's wrong, baby?" he asked, reaching a hand out to cup my chin.

I laughed a little more, enjoying the feel of his hand and his choice of term of endearment. He hadn't used that one yet. "It's stupid."

"We need to head back to yours," he said, wrapping me up in his arms. I realized his chest was bare and shuddered a little. "You okay?"

"Great," I said, rubbing my cheek against his sternum, relishing the warmth and the hard, smooth muscle.

"And when we get there you can tell me this stupid thing that's bothering you," he said, releasing me and moving to gather my things up for me.

I pulled myself together, trying to put the situation into perspective. It was just one silly boy. Not the only one, though… Back to self-misery.

Jacob and I went to my house, where Mother offered to let him (okay, _ordered_ him to) use the guest shower to rid himself of the smell of the school gym and his own BO. Afterwards, he came into my room, dressed in some clean clothes he'd left at my house from one of our sleepovers, hair wet, and smelling like Yardley soap and his own smell, minus the BO. I'd changed into a tank top instead of the blouse I'd been wearing, and was laying on my bed, half asleep, mind numb with a hint of guilt. He laid down next to me on his side, using one arm for a pillow and laying the other across my waist. I snuggled up to his chest, secretly wishing it was bare again. But alas, we'd probably upset certain people (*cough*brothers*cough*) if they found us snuggled together with him shirtless and me in a tank top.

"So are you gonna tell me what's wrong?" Jacob asked after a few minutes of just being close.

"Do I have to? It's so stupid," I mumbled, turning my head and body so as not to face him.

He just pressed himself closer to me, using his arm to pull my waist back so I was flush against him. "Well if it hurts you it's not stupid."

I sighed, giving into his warmth. "It just stung a little. It's not really a problem. Just a… Well it's something that hurt my feelings, I guess."

"You wanna tell me?" he murmured into my hair, shifting his leg a little to stroke the back of my calve with his knee. "You don't have to, if it's really all that stupid, but I'd like to know, so maybe I can hurt whatever hurt your feelings."

"I'd rather not." I wished that he would just let it go. All I really wanted was for him to hold me and let me know that I was desired by _someone_, at least. I rolled over and faced him, scooting myself up so our faces were even. One of my hands wound into his damp hair. "You know what I'd rather do?"

He smirked, splaying a hand out on my lower back. "I have a feeling you're going to show me."

I wrinkled my nose flirtatiously, then I fused my mouth to his, inhaling the essence that was Jacob. He kissed back softly while I did all the work, making him laugh a little when I went for his neck.

"What was that you were saying yesterday about no marks?" he said lightly, gently pressing my shoulder back.

"Well maybe I was getting payback," I said, a little breathlessly.

He smiled. "I can't believe I got you."

"I can't believe how many times we've said that to each other," I said, tucking my head into his chest. "But I agree."

He held me close for a few moments, then I -being bored of that particular activity- took initiative and rolled him onto his back, laying on his chest. "Hello there," he said, laughing a little.

"Hi," I said, smirking down at him. "You know what I wanna do?"

He smiled. "I have a feeling it'll either get us in trouble or get _me _in trouble with your brothers."

"You might be right about the second one," I said slowly. "But wouldn't it be funny if you actually won a fight with one of them?"

Jacob's expression twisted into a pained and humored expression. "I don't think that would happen, honey."

"Why not?" I asked, resting my forearms on either side of his head and letting my fingers tangle into his hair, pulling gently at the long ebony locks. "You're just as big as Jasper and Edward, almost bigger, and you might even end up bigger than Emmett."

"Yeah, when I'm twenty," he laughed, mimicking my actions in my hair. "I don't even think my voice is done developing.

I gave him one of my 'looks'.

"Hey, don't look at me like I'm crazy."

"One, you _are _crazy." When he opened his mouth to protest, I silences him with a firm but gentle kiss. "Two, you're a bass, don't even kid yourself. Three," my voice took a gentler tone, "my brothers love you. Why are you so scared of them?"

He got a sheepish look on his face. "I don't know. I just don't want to screw up my chances with you. I love you, Nessie. Don't you get it?"

My heart felt a million times lighter. "Jacob, the reason I was upset this afternoon was because I thought that no one saw me as more than a friend. I was worried that maybe you were just acting along to make me feel better, and when I wasn't broken anymore you would just dump me."

"What made you feel that way?" he asked incredulously. "Did I say something? Did I do something?"

"You didn't do anything, and it's not important what made me feel that way. What's important is that no matter what, you can make me feel a million times better, and I don't know why I ever doubt you. Never mind, I do, and it's not you I doubt; I don't think I deserve you, and that some day you're going to realize that."

Jacob gazed intensely into my eyes. "Renesmee Carlie Cullen, you are just…unbelievable. Do I have to tell you exactly why I love you?"

I bit my lip in thought. "It wouldn't hurt. Maybe that way we could get you the help you need if you seriously think I'm worth everything you say."

Jacob suddenly flipped us, so I was flat on my back and he was on his stomach next to me, on his side, propped up on his elbow with his head in his hand. "Okay, I'll give you a few. I love you because you're modest, you're loving, you're trusting, you're intelligent, you fight for what you believe in, you're talented, you don't let life get you down, you bring out the best in everyone, you-"

I silenced him with my fingers. "You haven't said one that was true yet."

"Do I have to make a petition and get people to agree? I can name twenty people off the top of my head that would agree with me, _not_ related to you." I tried to protest, but he cut me off. "Don't fight with me."

I pouted. "You don't play fair."

"Telling you you're amazing isn't fair?" He laughed at my absurdity.

I rolled over with my back to him, pouting. "You only love me because you think you have to."

Jacob caught me by surprise, yanking my shoulder back and hovering over me, trapping me down. "You are the most insane, stubborn, _unstable_ person I know. I may have had to love you from the beginning, but this love -me and you together- is something that you brought out of me. You have to trust that I love you." He brushed his lips over my cheeks and forehead, testing the waters to see if I'd accept them on my own, which I did.

After a somewhat unhealthy amount of staring into each others' eyes and making out like…well, like teenagers, Jacob went home. I played with Ollie for a little while, talking to him so no one could hear me.

"Am I a good auntie?" I asked softly, laying on my tummy in front of the baby, who was doing the same.

He looked up and let out a giggle, waving a slobbery fist.

"Is that a yes?"

He gurgled some baby babble, then put his fist back in his mouth.

"Do you love me? Am I lovable?"

He squealed delightedly and reached his fist to me, offering me a taste, I suppose.

"Well, this is getting us nowhere…" I kissed his forehead, then sat up, lifting him and pressing him to my chest. "I love you, baby boy. You're a good listener."

He nestled his head into the valley in the middle of my chest, his gurgling slowing as I bounced him a little, until finally his rhythmic breathing alerted me of his slumber. I suppose the bouncing lulled him to sleep, and my heartbeat may have helped. I stood up and walked downstairs to the living room, where Emmett was sitting.

"Hey, babe," he said, motioning for me to sit with him. "Have a good conversation with the month old wonder?"

I sat next to him, handing him his baby, then resting my head on his shoulder. "I guess. He loves the taste of fist and hair."

Emmett laughed. "My kid's a smart one. What's been bothering you so that you have to vent to a baby?"

"I wasn't venting," I huffed. "I was simply asking him a few questions."

"Because newborns are notorious for answering the deep, brooding questions that linger in the average teenager's mind."

I smiled a little. I was Emmett's first baby, per se, and I'd definitely taken after him. I was a mommy and daddy girl, but nothing beat my big brother. We'd clicked the second he saw me, or so our parents said. He was proud of himself for getting to hold me first, and at the ripe age of ten, it's a big deal. Apparently it was love at first sight, and the spit up to the shirt he'd taken manfully sealed the deal.

"You know, you ruined my favorite shirt," Emmett said suddenly.

I laughed a little. "Yeah, I know the story. I was thinking about that. I guess we've grown up, huh?"

"I guess so," he said, shifting a snoozing Ollie into one arm, wrapping the other around me. "You're spitting up habit went away."

"Nice, Em."

"You and Jacob are serious, aren't you?"

I sighed. "Yeah, we are."

"Please tell me you're not _too_ serious, though. Like, not…Um…Rosie and me serious?"

I chuckled. "We're not _that_ kind of serious, Emmett."

"Okay, good. I can't believe you're not a baby anymore. I can't believe _I_ have a baby of my own. And if you _do_ decide to be that kind of serious-"

"Emmett, _please_. Mom already had this talk with me, about seven years ago. Don't ruin our happy little brother-sister moment."

He chuckled. "Just making sure. I love you, babe."

"I love you, too, Emmett."

"Jacob loves you."

I looked up at him, confused.

"Ollie's a gossip." He grinned and nodded his head towards a baby monitor, switched on.

I laughed and kissed my still sleeping nephew's head, then my brother's cheek. "Night, Emmy."

"Night, Nessie."

As I laid in my bed, I thought about what my brother said, and what Jacob had said. They both said Jacob loved me, but was it as true as they made it sound?

_You have to trust that I love you._ Jacob had said that to me.

I rolled onto my side and curled up, a few tears escaping. I whispered into the darkness of the night my deepest shame. "I wish I could, Jacob...but I just can't…."

**A/N: REVIEW! Pleaseeee...**


	22. Summertime Lies

**So here's the new update my lovelies... Lovelies asuming most all readers of this are girls. Here's a random idea, totally optional (because I know it's weird), but if your penname isn't your name or a name that makes it obvious if you're a girl or guy, tell me if you're a girl or guy. I just want to know if my writing style or fandom is more popular with girls or guys or if they're even. Okie dokey, well, I adore your reviews, and I hope that you all like this one. I don't own.**

I woke up and put on my best act for the day. I was so ashamed of myself, and even more when I saw Jacob. Within five seconds of walking in my front door, he gave me the biggest bear hug, kissed me full on the mouth in front of Rosalie and Emmett (who didn't say anything, major surprise), and told me he loved me. I fought my immediate urge to cry and beg for forgiveness, and instead rushed him through breakfast and dragged him outside to his bike, then we got in school in time to make out in the parking lot before teachers would notice. At school he held my hand, kissed my cheek or forehead or mouth periodically, and I sat in his lap through all of some pep-rally of sorts. I was paying more attention to the spaces between his fingers, discovering all the ways my fingers filled them.

"So I don't have weights today," he said when we were walking out to the parking lot. "Do you want to go to my house or your house or what?"

I wound my fingers into his, leaning my head on his shoulder, accidentally meeting Caleb's eyes across the parking lot, feeling a new wave of guilt. "You pick. I just want somewhere quiet where I can rest."

"You want to go to your house and take a nap, then?" he suggested, handing my helmet as we reached the bike.

I smiled appreciatively. "That's a great idea. I'm exhausted."

He smiled back brilliantly. "I can tell. You dozed off in history."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he laughed. "Somewhere between some prep interrupting class for some other prep and the teacher throwing his book at the floor to shut us up."

I groaned. "Was I snoring?"

"Just a little."

I groaned again. "I need sleep."

"You'll get it soon."

At my house, after washing up a little and changing into some comfy sweats, I snuggled down into my bed, making Jacob lay next to me, on top of the covers. He rubbed my back for a while, and the next thing that I recall happening was waking up to him snoring. I grinned and snuggled back up to him, falling asleep again, enjoying Jacob's warmth. When I woke up for good, Jacob was on the phone.

"Yeah, Dad, I'll be home by eight…" he whispered from next to me. "Okay, Nessie's asleep, I have to go… Love you, too, Dad."

I groaned a little, rolling my shoulders to stretch a bit, then rolling to face Jacob.

"You're awake!" He seemed surprised, but smiled nevertheless. "Sleep good?"

I nodded. "I think you're the only thing that helps me get good sleep."

He smiled. "Good or bad?"

"Both. Good because I have an excuse to make you stay with me. Bad because on school nights I become an insomniac."

"Maybe you need a doll or something. Like a security blanket."

"You _are_ my security blanket," I said softly. "I'll always need you around, no matter how unhealthy my need for you is."

He pressed his lips to mine softly. "Obsession is beautiful. I'm obsessed with you."

I smiled against his lips. "I'm more obsessed."

"No, you're not," he said surely, catching my lips in a more heated kiss. "No, you're not."

"Wanna prove it?"

He gave me a determined look, then fused his mouth to mine.

Fast-forward about two and a half months, the end of the school year. Finals were out of the way, lockers were clean, and the last day of school was a carnival type thing. Jacob and I loaded up on candy and soda and anything that would potentially give us a sugar rush for the ages.

"Oh! Look at that!" I said, pointing to a stuffed bulldog about as big as me. "It's so cool!"

"You want it?" Jacob asked, grinning and holding up a few of his game tickets.

I almost protested until he went up to the teacher manning the booth and asked what he had to do to win it.

"Get three footballs into the basket at the top," one of the coaches said. "If you don't manage that, Black, you're benched for the season."

I laughed, knowing he'd get it in three seconds, let alone three throws. Which he did. He smiled as the coach handed him the creature. "So do I get to be quarterback now?"

The coach smirked. "Let's see how you are on defense."

Jacob laughed and held the stuffed thing out to me. "Here you go."

I grabbed it, then nearly fell over. It was packed with cotton instead of foam or silica beads and fluff. "Can you help me out?" I asked, a little strained.

Jacob laughed and took it from me with ease. He made it seem like nothing. Then again, he regularly carried me around, so… "Let's go see what smells so good."

I laughed and looped my arm through his, letting him lead me to a place serving homemade corn dogs.

That night, we made a fort in my living room, since the summer was coming in with a storm. My nightmares had come back and I hadn't exactly told him, so I'd been staying up as long as I could when Jacob and I were together, attempting to fight the dreams. We sat close together, my legs draped over his lap, our fingers intertwined, laying back on the many pillows we'd accumulated.

"We did it," I sighed, rolling my neck so my head landed on Jacob's shoulder. "We actually survived Sophomore year."

He chuckled. "We sure did. Good or bad year?"

I thought for a moment. "Bipolar. It would be amazing one moment, the next I'd find out my boyfriend cheated on me, then it'd be amazing again."

Jacob wrapped his arms around me, pulling me more into him. "I'm sorry that there was so much drama."

"Me, too," I murmured, tilting my head up and kissing his neck - the only thing I could reach. "I'm sorry I didn't notice you before. We wouldn't have any of this mess if I did."

Jacob kissed my hair. "I wouldn't change a thing. I think that this made us stronger, you know? Maybe we won't be like normal high school sweethearts. Maybe this _was_ our big couple problem."

I laughed a little. "I love your enthusiasm, but I just don't think we're quite done yet. I just don't, for some reason. Call it a sense of impending doom."

He shrugged. "Ah, well, we can hope."

"Yeah…" I yawned a little, tilting my head up. "Kiss me."

He smiled down at me. "Is someone being bossy?"

I nodded, then leaned up, chasing his lips. "Yes, now kiss me. I'm sleepy and I want to wake up."

"If you're sleepy, go to sleep," he laughed, pulling further away.

I pouted up at him. "No. Kiss me."

"How about I kiss you and you go to sleep?"

I nodded reluctantly, thinking I could act asleep until he was asleep. However, I wasn't planning on his kiss being the kind that would make me almost pass out, something he discovered he could do around Easter, I guess. I got light headed and heavy eyed quick, and Jacob smiled in triumph.

"Goodnight, honey," he whispered, laying me down and covering me, then laying next to me and holding me close.

"Goodnight, cheater," I murmured hazily, pressing myself close nevertheless. Hey, wouldn't you if you were next to the most gorgeous thing alive?

Too bad that night I had one of my more…_animated _dreams.

__

I was walking down a dark road in the icy cold rain. Alongside me slithered a snake, who was talking to me.

"Why don't you trussst me?" it hissed.

"I don't know, I just don't. I was bitten by a snake once. I was only four and I thought it was a lizard," I said to the serpent, hugging myself to warm up.

"I won't bite you, my sssweet," it replied. "I only want what'sss bessst for you, Nesssssie."

I shuddered from the cold and looked around. "The snake was playing with me. It seemed sweet, until it bit my ankle."

The snake made a wide circle around me, then stopped in front of me, raising up to look me in the eye. It was rather large… "Darling, you mussst believe me. I ssswear I won't bite you."

I looked down and looked back up. "I suppose I could…"

The snake suddenly struck, nipping my neck. I fell to my knees in pain, clutching at my throat. I looked up to question the snake, but it morphed into Jacob, grinning. "I ssswear."

"How could you?"

"Nessie, wake up!" Someone was shaking me.

I opened my eyes and looked up at Jacob's worried expression. I felt my own face twist into an expression of horror. "What's wrong?"

"You were gasping and asking 'how could you?' over and over again," he said, placing a hand on my forehead. "You were crying. You haven't done that since… I don't even remember."

I sat up slowly, letting blood flow slowly, so as to not pass out again. "I…I'm sorry. I should have said something before."

"About what?"

"The nightmares are coming back."

He wrapped me in his arms, cradling me to his chest. "I knew that, but not that you'd been crying."

I gasped, looking up at him. "You-you knew?"

He nodded. "I didn't think you wanted me to know, so I didn't tell you I did."

"Oh, Jacob… I'm sorry. I just didn't want to worry you," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He braided his fingers into my hair, tilting my head back to look at him. "I get that you didn't want to worry me, but I'm more worried about you. What were you dreaming about that made you so upset?"

I understood why he wanted to see my face. I felt a million feelings flicker across. "I dreamed about a snake. Like when I was little and got bit by the milk snake. It was nice and talking to me, but then it just bit me."

"Is that all?" he asked, looking into my eyes.

"Yeah," I somewhat lied. I didn't want to tell him that _he _was the snake, but I wanted to cry at the same time and that would alert him I was lying.

He studied my face in the lamplight for a moment. "Whatever you're not telling me, it's okay. If it's not relevant or if it's just something you don't want me to know, it's perfectly fine if you're not comfortable telling me. Don't worry."

I nodded, tucking my head into his chest and squeezing him. "I'm sorry. Would it help to say I love you?"

He squeezed back. "Yes, but there's nothing to help. I swear, I'm fine with you keeping some things to yourself."

"Am I telling you too much, or-" New worries filled my head.

"No, no, I mean that I'm okay if you don't want to tell me anything," he explained. "I get that you're sensitive about that."

I sighed, forcing back tears, thankful my face was pressed into his chest. "Is the sun up?"

He chuckled. "Behind some clouds, probably. Was that a way to ask what time it is?"

"Yes."

"Eight. Do you want to go to the beach today? First swim of the summer," he said in a sing-song voice, making me laugh a little.

"I kinda sorta don't have my swimsuit yet," I said, looking up with a sheepish grin. "Rosie and I were gonna go shopping sometime today or tomorrow to get a few. Her first mommy-suit, ya know?"

He grinned and laughed. "Okay, well, you think you two can go shopping in Port Angeles today and maybe we can go to the beach this afternoon. Maybe have a bonfire with the guys and invite Caleb and Alicia? Embry hasn't shut up about her."

I grinned back. "Perfect! I'll go see if Rose is up for it."

"Okay," he said, giving me a quick kiss. "I'll go see if your mom needs help in the kitchen. I think I hear her."

I jumped up and ran upstairs, looking in Emmett and Rosalie's room to find only Emmett dead to the world in a pile of blankets. But from the baby monitor on his bedside table I heard Rose cooing to Ollie faintly, so I went next door into the nursery, where she was buttoning her nightshirt down. She must have been feeding him, because he was laying on her knees looking sleepy and happy like he always did when he was full.

"Oh, hey sweetheart, awake already?" she said, fastening the last button at the bottom of her shirt. "I thought you'd sleep all day since it's the first day of summer vacation."

"Nah, I fell asleep early last night," I said, leaning against the door frame. "I was wondering if you wanted to go shopping like we'd talked about. I procrastinated on getting my swimsuit too long and Jake wants to have a bonfire with some friends this afternoon."

"Oh, sure! We can make the boys watch Ollie today," she said, grinning maliciously. She must have been irritated at Emmett for not having the anatomy to nurse Ollie again… The lady wasn't exactly a morning person. Or a two in the morning person. Or a mid-nap person. She was counting down the days until Ollie could eat solids.

"Great idea," I laughed. "I'm gonna go grab a quick shower, then we can work out the details at breakfast."

"Great," she said, collecting Ollie in her arms. "I'm going to give your brother a wake-up call."

"Which one?"

"Does it matter?" Oh, yeah, she was mad at all of them for being insensitive to her motherhood problems. And she was taking it out on the boys. Which was great for me because I was still pretty pissed about all their innuendo and threats about Jacob and me. Two freaking months and we still couldn't be alone in a room without an interruption and/or threat.

"Ooh, get Jasper, he nearly broke Jacob's neck when he heard me screaming last week." Rose gave me a bemused look. "Oh my gosh, he was _tickling me_!"

She let out a sigh of relief. "Well, when you said it like that, my mind-"

"Went to the gutter?"

She blushed a little. "You're different than I was at your age."

"I know," I said, grinning. "No judgment from me, though. If you hadn't kept Em on such a short leash I'd probably have been an aunt long ago. I think we _all_ credit you on that one."

She blushed more, but laughed a bit. "I guess so."

"Okay, _now _I'm gonna go," I said, actually leaving this time.

**A/N: Okay, reviews please? **

**~Sidney**


	23. Beach Lovin

**FINALLY! I'm soooooo beyond sorry for the wait. Hoping this makes up for it. BTW, count your blessings this Thanksgiving. Just something to think about. I don't own, and please review!**

I had a good cry in the shower. It had become my let-it-out sanctuary, since it was one of the few places not appropriate for Jacob and I to be together for obvious reasons. It was so hard to cry alone, since Jacob would have been happy to comfort me, but he'd either think I was crying over Nahuel or I'd have to explain to him why I really was crying. Either way it'd hurt him and he was the last person on earth who deserved the kind of hurt I knew he would feel if I told him I didn't trust him and believe how much he truly loved me. I cried out of shame and guilt, and finally out of worry that my suspicions were right and that he was only holding his façade to placate me until I was better. Well, even if he was he'd be stuck with me for a while, since I was keeping myself in pieces.

After my shower I changed into my favorite summer attire: cuffed denim shorts, a white chiffon peasant top with a pink tank top and pink kitten heel flip flops. Most all forbidden at Fork's High for the shorts being six inches above my knees (instead of the strict four), the shirt being see through (oh my gosh, that's why the completely opaque tank top was under it!), and the shoes having a trace of a heel (which is extremely dumb). I ran downstairs, with my purse and wallet filled with my money stash, to the kitchen, where Emmett was playing with Ollie between bites of (slightly crispy) scrambled eggs. That's what happens when Jake helps with the cooking…

I fixed myself a plate and sat down next to Jacob, who kissed my forehead and buried his nose in my hair, taking in a whiff of my shampoo and conditioner scent.

"You smell like coconut," he murmured, inhaling deeply.

I laughed, elbowing him off so I could actually eat. "Yeah, and you probably smell like Head and Shoulders."

He gave me a weird look, then I realized he didn't know I snooped in his bathroom on more than one occasion. Purely out of curiosity, I swear. And to see what was commercially sold aroma and what was purely my Jacob's scent.

I blushed and looked down, shoving half a biscuit in my mouth. No more stupid things from me for at least twenty seconds, I figured.

We filled up on food, then Rosalie and I left to shop in her Mini-Cooper, which she hadn't been able to drive since about month three into her pregnancy. I laughed and feared for my life on the ride. At a little boutique Port Angeles, we found a bunch of cute bathing suits, ranging in size, color, and modesty. After pulling a few tankinis and one modest bikini Rose forced me to try down, I went to the changing room. The bottoms didn't need to be tried on, but the tops varied and I had to model them all for Rose in the curtained area.

"Oh, try the polka dotted one first!" she said, shoving me in the little room.

What she was talking about was a neon yellow tankini with great big neon orange polka dots. I inwardly cursed the Beach Boys for their demented taste in swimwear and need to put it in song form. As I suspected, I looked awful. The next try-on was a plain black tankini, that was boring. The next, a peachy pink that didn't look bad, but nearly blended in with my skin it was so pale. Finally, I tried on the bikini Rosie begged me to. I walked out of the dressing room to model for Rose, who's jaw dropped.

"It's perfect," was all she had to say. I looked in the mirror and had to agree.

That afternoon on the beach, we had a group of friends just hanging out. The guys (Jacob, Embry, Quil, Caleb, and Seth) were playing football while the girls (Alicia, Quil's girlfriend, Claire, and I) lazed around in the sand. While I had to apply SPF 70 every thirty minutes, Alicia was tanning her already tinged skin, and Claire was just keeping her caramel colored skin toasty.

"Again, Ness?" Alicia laughed, flipping her dark brown hair up as she rolled onto her stomach. I was in the process of smearing a tiny bit of sunscreen on my face.

I shot her a little glare. "Well, not everyone here is one-forth Korean or a full-blooded Quileute, now, are they?"

"So what are you, albino?" Claire giggled, running a hand through her own pitch black hair. "And why are you still wearing your cover up? Aren't you going to try to get a tan?"

"Are you going to come to my funeral when I die from melanoma?" I said a little snappishly. I was sensitive about being the color of printer paper… But the comment shut them up, at least. "And I'm just waiting a bit, until I go swimming with the guys."

Alicia sighed. "I hate swimming with guys. Caleb always splashes my eyes."

I laughed. "You're so girly. I had _three_ brothers, that were always bigger than me. After Emmett flips you off a tube six times in one day, you learn to fight back."

"What about Jake?" Claire said. "This one time when Quil and I were swimming Quil dove under with me on his back."

I laughed. "Jacob and I used to play chicken with my brothers, back when he was actually small enough to sit on Emmett's shoulders. I'd stay on Edward's and we'd fight to the death. I usually won because he let me."

"Awww," Alicia squealed. "You were in love when you were little!"

I laughed. "Yeah, I guess so."

Suddenly we were being attacked by the guys. Caleb picked his sister up and ran for the water, Embry following cackling like a maniac. Quil threw Claire over his shoulder and ran after them. Jacob and Seth got into a bit of a fight, but that ended when -somehow- Jacob had Seth dangling upside down by his ankles.

"Go on, little boy, go play in the water with the big kids," Jacob said, putting him down in a way Seth wouldn't end up with (much) brain damage. After Seth ran away, Jacob stooped down to where I was, still giggling at his goofishness. "You gonna get in the water?"

I smiled. "Maybe. Or maybe I'll just lay around in my cover up all day."

He smirked. "Come on, don't be like that!"

I laughed at him, then stood up, tugging my cover up over my head, revealing my bathing suit. It was a modest bikini, with thick straps and ties, and plenty of cloth to cover the vitals, but it was cute, too. Fairly simple, chocolaty brown that matched my eyes impeccably, with gold stitching and beading on the straps. I looked at Jacob and saw his eyes about to fall out of his head. To add fuel to the fire, I made a mad dash to the water, leaving a stunned Jacob in my wake, and dove in. When I surfaced, Jacob was at the edge of the water, smirking at me.

"You coming in or not, Jakey?" I called, doing a back stroke. "Or are you just gonna stare?"

He roared playfully and dove in, making it to me in about three and a half strokes. "You gonna say that again, _little girl_?"

I smirked. "If you're staring a little girl like that, you, my friend, are a pedophile."

He grabbed me around the waist and treaded to deeper water, holding me high. "Have anything else witty and cute to say, huh?"

I squealed as he feigned throwing me. "Jake! Put me down! Please!"

He suddenly dropped me, and I landed in his arms bridal style. "Hello, honey," he said sweetly, cradling me close. "How are you today?"

"Fine thank you," I said, laughing and wrapping my arms around his neck. "Now are we gonna swim with the others or what?"

"I'd rather have you to myself." He grinned and waded over to where everyone else was goofing off. "Nessie and I are gonna swim out in the ocean for a while. If we're not back in an hour leave us the hell alone."

Everyone either laughed, made a pervy comment, or agreed then went back to what they were doing. Jacob put me down and we started swimming out, chasing each other around. I didn't realize we'd been caught in a current until we were several yards north of where we'd started, and there was a stone sectional wall separating us from the rest of the crew. Jacob, however, seemed to have planned this, and took my hand, leading me through shallow water to the shore.

"Finally, free of those losers," he joked, picking me up when the water got ankle deep. "Wouldn't want you to get sand everywhere."

I smiled confusedly as he carried me up to the edge of the woods, grabbing a large bag from behind one of the trees. He took us back down near the water, then managed to pull a blanket out of the bag and lay it down, putting me down on it gingerly. He then proceeded to pull out a bottle of Fresca, two plastic champagne flutes, a pie tin, a three-wick vanilla candle, matches, and a plastic container with white chocolate covered pretzels.

"I thought we could ring in the summer in style," he said, putting the candle in the pie tin and lighting it. He grinned the whole time he set up, pouring the soda into the flutes and opening the pretzels. "Do you like it?"

I smiled at him, leaning over and kissing him instead of answering his question. He seemed shocked, but smiled into the kiss, pulling back a little.

"So you do?"

"Don't ruin the moment, Jakey," I murmured, smirking and putting a hand on the back of his neck, pulling him back.

He seemed flustered, for some reason, and it took me a while to figure out it was my choice in swimwear. "Uh, Ness, did you pick out your bathing suit?"

I laughed, pulling back. "I should have known. Rose picked it out. Is there a problem with it? You seem to be looking at me enough."

He shifted his eyes around, not meeting my eyes or looking at the clothing in question. "Uh, not a problem, per se, but last summer you didn't have _that_ kind of suit. I was just…observing."

I laughed, grabbing his chin and making him look at me, locking my eyes to his nearly-black ones. "Last summer I wasn't your girlfriend. And it's okay to look at me, it's not like you're going to be chased by an angry mob. Just keep your hands to yourself and you're good." I added the last bit as a joke, mostly. But Jacob knew good and well I wouldn't refrain from breaking his hand if need be.

A slow grin spread across his face, then he took the hand holding his chin and kissed it. "You're amazing and I'm a red-blooded male. Let's have our picnic before everyone figures out that we ditched them."

I giggled as he picked up a pretzel and pressed it into my lips, feeding me in what he thought was a romantic way. I was giggling too much to really feel romantic, but it was fun not having to do anything. Finally, we toasted to summer with our Fresca and shared a sweet kiss that was almost satisfying, except for Jacob getting flustered and making an excuse to clean up. I huffed and went to climb the stone wall while Jacob cleaned the area. I never made it higher than three feet up, but blew off some steam in the process. Jacob was never going to really kiss me again, I figured, until we were married. And even then he'd put a three second limit on it. Geez…

Damn it. I just thought about us being married. Oh, how awkward… Not that it wasn't appealing, but we'd only really been together three months…to the day.

"Jacob," I said suddenly, jumping down, putting my hands on my hips.

"Yeah?" he asked, looking up from folding the blanket.

"It's our three month anniversary," I said, smiling a little.

"Yeah," he said cautiously. "And we just had a romantic picnic on the beach."

I felt really stupid then. "This was- And I thought- And… Oh, dammit! I'm sorry, I thought this was some silly game or something, and I kept giggling… Oh, dammit…"

Jacob walked up to me, hugging my non-responsive self. "It's okay, it was supposed to be fun. I swear, I had a lot of fun. It was great."

I finally melted into him, hugging him, reaching my hands up behind him to play with his hair. I mindlessly mumbled into his chest, "Your hair is longer… I like it this way."

He chuckled, then scooped me up in a surprisingly quick motion. "Do you want to swim back or walk around the wall?"

"Let's scare them," I said, laughing a little bit. "And we were that close?"

He nodded, beginning the journey as I enjoyed the ride. I suppressed giggles when we came around the back of the block of beach. Everyone was laying around. Alicia was using Embry's stomach as a pillow, Embry was playing with her drying black hair, Claire was attempting to catch the fleeting sun, and Quil and Seth were showing Caleb how to light a bonfire without gasoline. Seth's sister Leah had also shown up with her boyfriend Sam, and was currently asking, "So where did they go off to?"

Jacob suddenly charged the general group, causing several screams, laughs, and a few choice analogies from the person I ended up dropped on (ah, Leah, and her sailor mouth).

I scrambled away when she stood up to chase down Jacob. I laughed like a madwoman when she tackled him to the ground and socked him in the gut. She would've spit on him if Sam hadn't ran up behind her and pulled her off. When she calmed down, she turned to me with a smile and said, "Hey, Nessie."

"Hi, Lee!" I said, then a groan came from Jacob and I laughed even harder, then crawled to where he was clutching his tummy. "Are you okay?"

He rolled onto his side, curling up into a ball. "Not sure… Any lower…would've permanently damaged…something vital."

I bit my lip to keep from laughing at his pain any longer. "Well, I guess it's a good thing she didn't, then."

He nodded, then rode out the pain in silence for a few more minutes.

The night went by in a blur. We ate, we swam, we goofed off. We were all just really happy and high on life. Until Alicia got a call.

"Em, Emily, what's wrong? You sound like you've been crying," she said, sounding concerned. "Oh my gosh, oh my _gosh_, you're kidding!… Why didn't you call me sooner?… You're kidding. You're _kidding_. He is? You are?… How is she?… Okay then, well, we'll be there in the morning to see you… I love you, too."

"Oh my gosh," Caleb said, seemingly reading his sister's mind. "No way!"

"Yes way."

"We need to go now!"

"No, no, she's resting, Caleb," Alicia said, putting a hand on his arm. "She's fine. They're all fine."

I felt a sick feeling in my stomach. I knew. I _knew_. "The baby was born, wasn't she?"

Alicia bit her lip and nodded apologetically. I guess my face was showing all of my emotions. "Four hours ago."

Jacob and I had been alone then, most likely making out (or as close as Jacob would let it get to that). "Okay then. That's great."

"Maybe we all need to get home," Caleb suggested, reading into everyone's shock in a creepy, Jasper-like way.

Jacob and I walked to his house to crash, not trusting ourselves to be awake enough to bike to my house. I called my parents to tell them, then took a quick shower, ridding myself of the salty deposits, then changed into the clothes I'd brought to change into. I went to Jacob's room, where he was sitting on his bed, reading. He glanced up at me, then made a face.

"Let me get you something not denim and polyester to sleep in," he said, standing and going to his drawer of too-small-for-Jacob clothes. He fished out a big t-shirt and some sweats, then gave them to me. "Here, I'll change in the bathroom and you change in here. Just open the door when you're done."

I obliged, pulling the soft, Jacob-smelling shirt over my head, then tugging the loose sweats over my legs, thankful that my hips were just wide enough to hold up the heavy mass of cloth. I opened his door, then got into his bed, nearly dozing off the instant my head hit the pillow. He found me half-asleep, chuckled softly, and laid on top of the covers.

"Why don't you get under?" I asked drowsily. I really wanted him around me, enveloping me in his essence.

He stroked my cheek with his thumb. "Because, I'm lucky my dad hasn't had me fitted with a chastity belt as it is."

I giggled a little bit. "Okay, I get it, but I feel like sleeping for three days, and I want you with me."

He kissed my lips gently, then laid as close to me as he could. "I'll be right here."

"Goodnight," I murmured, getting comfortable. "I love you, my Jacob."

"I love you, my Nessie." His voice was the last thing I heard before falling into a deep, peaceful slumber.

**A/N: Well, review please. Hoping this is good. And I officially finished writing this, now all left to do is post. But this won't be over so soon, as I've started about five different one-shots for after the end of this. :)**

**~Sidney**


	24. Relizations and Evesdropping

**I don't own this, I love reviews, and I really hope you like this. I worked hard on it. **

A heavy roll of thunder woke me from a deep sleep. I'd had no dreams, felt no passage of time, and had no recollection of why I was looking at a tuft of grey or why it was mewing. I shifted myself, looking for my iPod dock/alarm clock, and realized I was in Jacob's bed when I saw the bright red 11:54 AM on his boring black alarm clock, Jacob still asleep and holding me, and Oreo was frightened. I hauled my arm up and took her in my hand, rolling over to face Jacob, putting her between us.

"Jacob," I said softly, nudging him. "Jacob, Oreo's scared of the summer storm."

Jacob's eyes opened slowly, then he brought up his arm to cradle me and the mewing kitten. "Morning, baby."

I scooted closer to him, putting my forehead against him. Oreo settled between us, seeming pleased that we were both cuddling her. I tilted my lips up to meet his. "Morning, honey."

Jacob sighed and held me closer still. "Someone likes being the center of attention."

I giggled and looked at Oreo, now trying to worm her way between our chests, which were pressed together where the covers were riding down. "She wants her daddy."

"She wants her mommy," he said, smiling. "Is this weird?"

"What?"

"The fact that we act like the cat is our baby?"

I smiled softly. "Yes, but since when are we un-weird? And so what, some people our age have actual babies. Emily has an actual baby."

Jacob sighed, looking at me carefully. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, squeezing my eyes shut. "Is it bad that I'm kinda sad?"

"No, no, baby," he murmured. "I get it. I wish that you weren't. I hate when you're sad."

I sighed. "I just… I'm still so hurt that I was used like that. I kept thinking that when the baby came I'd feel better."

"Maybe you will soon," he whispered, brushing his lips over mine. "I'll do whatever I can to help."

I gave into the sensations Jacob was creating with the light touches of his lips to mine. "I know you will. I love you so much…"

I wasn't sure if I'd actually said the last bit, or just thought it, until Jacob replied softly, "I never want to let you go."

I sighed in contentment and we simply laid there, arms around each other, foreheads pressed together, lips a breath apart. I'm not sure exactly how much time passed until our stomachs and/or bladders began to protest, but when that happened we got up reluctantly. Billy was watching a game of some sorts in the living room, and ignored us when we made a lot of noise finding food in the kitchen. After our very-very late breakfast/on-time lunch, we joined Billy, who'd started flipping channels. Jacob sprawled out on the couch, pulling me down onto him, making me practically lay on him. It was rather comfortable when I got over the initial shyness at being in such close proximity with him with his father in the room. Oreo wondered in and snuggled with Billy in his chair. I found myself dozing off on Jacob's chest, lulled into an in-between place somewhere between deep slumber and consciousness by Jacob's heartbeat and the feel of his fingers tracing my spine. It was a good thing I'm good at acting, because there was no way that I could have gotten away with listening to Billy and Jacob's conversation without my talent.

"Son, please tell me something," Billy said lowly, apparently still staring at the screen.

"Yeah?" Jacob answered softly, his chest vibrating slightly.

"Please promise me you're being safe with Nessie."

"Dad…" Jacob sounded embarrassed. "We're not like that. We're still…you know…innocent."

Billy was quiet for a moment. "Jacob, do you love her?"

"Are you kidding, Dad?"

"Okay, that was a stupid question. Well, do you think that you two will last?" Billy asked, not skeptically, but concernedly.

"Dad, I think -no, I _know_- that as long as Nessie wants me, I'm going to be with her."

"Is that what she wants?"

"I like to think so," Jacob said softly. "I know she's had a rough time with everything going on, but I'm never going to hurt her intentionally. I want to prove myself to her. She deserves more than she thinks, and I hope I give it all to her."

Billy was silent for a long time. "Jacob, promise me something."

"What?"

"Be good to her. I've watched that little girl grow up and I love her, too, though the way you love her and I love her are very different. Promise me that you'll treat her right."

"I swear."

"And Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't have sex until you marry her. Oreo's the only grandchild I expect from you two for a long while," Billy said, half joking.

Jacob was probably blushing forty shades of pink. "Okay, Dad."

I wasn't sure if I should have told Jacob I'd heard them or not, but I decided to keep it a secret for the time being. _It's not the only one, _I couldn't help but think. I hated keeping so much from him. It hurt me and it would hurt him when I told him. _When_. Because I had to tell him. It was the right thing to do. Right?

"Nessie, you awake?" Jacob asked, cutting through a swirl of colors and warmth. I must have been asleep.

"Now I am," I yawned, looking up slowly. Jacob was smiling at me.

"You weren't joking when you said you wanted to sleep for three days," he said softly. "It's already five."

"Are you joking?"

"Nope. You slept nearly five hours."

I groaned, rolling off of Jacob and into the floor. "Ugh, I need to go home. I have no clothes here. Are you gonna come with me?"

"Are you kidding me?" he laughed, getting up and wrapping me in a hug. "Your clothes are on the dryer; I'll get my bike."

We made the journey to my house fairly quickly, and were greeted by a bored Edward, who was watching Ollie while Emmett and Rosalie got some much needed sleep. He wasn't bored with the baby as much as the game the baby was enjoying. At the tender age of three months, Ollie's favorite thing to do was laugh, and if he wasn't laughing, he was screaming. The best way to make him laugh? Tickle monster. Edward should have had the most fun with it, since he was a piano wiz and had nimble fingers, but his look of agitation when Ollie started whimpering pathetically showed that 'fun' was not the choice word.

"I'll take him, Ed," I said, reaching for him.

Edward placed Ollie in my arms eagerly, kissing the baby's head then my cheek, saying, "Thank you. I'm going to call Bella."

"Have fun with that, Eddie-boy," I said, beginning to bounce the still-whimpering baby. "Come on, baby, let's go play with your Auntie Nessie."

Tiny tears began to leak from his grey eyes. I planted tiny kisses all over his face, trying to stop the crying before it began. He stopped whimpering for the moment, long enough for me to get to the rug in the living room, where I laid him on his back. He looked up to me hopefully, then let out a pleased shriek when I started wriggling my fingers over his tiny pot belly. He giggled and shrieked as my fingers dance across his little body, then plain out screamed when I grabbed his tiny ankle and pressed a kiss to the bottom of his foot. Jacob was sitting beside me, a hand on my back, for a while, then he joined the fun, sliding his huge fingers over Ollie's sides, tickling his underarms. The baby was on a tickle-induced high, kicking and giggling and screaming, and began to come down after a bit. He rubbed his eyes with tiny fists, then reached up for someone to pick him up. I reached for him, but he protested when my hands wrapped around his waist. I giggled and looked at Jacob.

"He wants you," I said, taking Jacob's hands and placing them around the baby. "Congrats, you're on his good list."

Jacob smiled and picked up the baby, cradling him properly (I'd taught him well), then looked back to me. "I thought I was already there. My hair was a good bonus."

"That it was, but he's chosen you for a sleepy-time pal, that's special," I said, feeling my heart flutter simply watching the baby curl into Jacob's chest, his expression serene and drooping into one of unconsciousness. It was so amazing how well Jacob handled Ollie. I would have never let Nahuel touch the baby, even before he…

So why was I so bent out of shape about Jacob? He was perfect, my One, the most amazing person to walk into my life.

"I love you, Jacob," I said softly. "I just felt like telling you."

Jacob smiled, then leaned over and kissed me gently. "I love you, too, Nessie."

A tiny sigh came from Ollie, who was completely asleep at this point. "We should get him into bed."

Jacob nodded, then we went up to the nursery. We laid him in the crib on his back, turned on the faint musical hanging toy above the crib, then watched him for a few minutes. I became absorbed in the beautiful baby that was my nephew. His hair was growing out, curling like Emmett's, and his eyes were exactly like Rosalie's, wide and the prettiest crystal grey color. His skin was the family color, fairly pale -yet had I had a suspicion that, like his parents, he'd be able to get a tan- and soft. His face was exactly like Emmett's, yet it had the softness of Rosalie's. He trusted anyone that would make him laugh, or that had hair long enough to grasp and yank (ouch!). I longed for that infantile trust.

Jacob took my hand suddenly, gently, giving it a little squeeze before bringing it to his chest to cover the place where his heart was beating. I knew what he was conveying. I had all of him; I had his heart. If only I could give him the same.

"Hey," Jacob said softly, using his free hand to lift my chin. "What's wrong, honey?"

I hadn't realized a few tears had escaped my eyes. I shook my head, then stepped forward, letting Jacob envelope me in his arms. I let more tears pour over into his chest, then I whispered raggedly, "I love you so much, Jacob."

At that moment I realized what I was doing. I was trying to make up for being hesitant and afraid to give in to Jacob completely. I hated not being able to trust him like he trusted me, and I hated myself for not completely believing he truly loved me when he so obviously did. The truth was hidden behind 'I love you's and the safety of our friendship. I couldn't give my heart up completely, no matter how hard I tried, yet I wanted to be able to so badly I was reduced to tears. I was in a no-win situation, and I couldn't even talk to my best friend about it for advice because, well, my best friend was the person I was fretting over.

Jacob held me in the baby blue nursery, the grey lighting from outside fading even more so from the pale yellow curtain, the nightlight in the corner changing colors, and the faint music tinkling out from the hanging toy. In that moment I also realized that Jacob wasn't a little boy anymore. He was a real man. The ones that people claim are so rare that if you find one you kill it and stuff it to make it immortal. He deserved more from me than secrets and acts. He deserved a real woman that could give him her heart, and I was going to fight _damn_ hard to be that woman.

**A/N: Forreal action soon. Reviews?**

**~Sidney**


	25. Warmth

**Sorry for the wait! Hopefully this is worth it. I don't own this, and review please!**

Sheets of rain cut through the afternoon sky, darkened so much by the heavy clouds that it appeared to be night. Thunder was constant, as was lightening. The summer day seemed anything but, and I was caught in the belly of the beast. Well, Jacob and I. We'd been riding our bikes through the woods, enjoying the afternoon, when suddenly there was an unearthly crash and suddenly we were drenched. We'd sped up our journey, looking for a place to find shelter. We had to ride about five miles to my house. No one was home at _all_, because none of us had counted on the storm. Jacob and I had to take the path through the garage and the back staircase up to my room. Jacob went to the guestroom to change while I changed in my own, toweling my hair dry and wrapping up in my blanket I kept folded at the foot of my bed for cold nights. I found Jacob another extra blanket, too, walking downstairs to start some tea. I figured it would defrost us as good as anything.

I put on a kettle to boil, waiting patiently, toying with a few tea bags while I waited. I pulled down some mugs while I waited, putting a tea bag in each. Jacob came down the stairs in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. He declined my offer of a blanket and instead took mine, grinning as he rewrapped us together. When our tea was done, we went to the living room -surprisingly easy considering we were practically swaddled together- and cuddled on the couch, sitting in our little cocoon of a blanket, sharing body heat and space. We giggled together, reliving our adventures on the bikes. When we were done with our tea, we cuddled up, the TV on low in the background, but not interesting us in the least. We were more interested in the warmth of one another, and the innocent nature of our cuddling. It was so rare that we had purely innocent moments, so our lazy posture and random giggles were so much like the old days, before we let our hormones control us more and more. We played silly games with our feet, trying to push the others' down under the heavy blanket. Finally, we had some company, after a long while of having feet battles.

Rosalie got home first with Ollie, after getting caught in the downpour when out grocery shopping for everyone. Ollie looked amused at something, then I realized he had several of Rosalie's hairs wound into his hand where he must have ripped them out.

"Rosie, are you okay?" I half laughed, amazed that the baby managed to pull so much out of her head.

She let out a sigh. "I don't know. My head is numb. I turned my back to get something off the shelf for a second, then my shriek attracted a stock girl from the next aisle, who started laughing when she saw Ollie cheering and waving my hair. Emmett's already shining through in him."

I refrained from laughing. "And your hair is in his hand why?"

She shrugged. "I'm exhausted. I don't want to lose anymore hair, so I let him keep it. The rain was just an added bonus. I'd just got into the store when it started storming, so we had to run back out to the car when we were done. Now I'm drenched and he's _really_ pleased with himself."

I got up and went to help her. "You go take a shower and a nap, we'll put everything up and handle Ollie for a while."

She looked down and I noticed her eyes were full of tears. "I'm sorry, no, enjoy your afternoon with Jacob."

"Rosie," I said firmly, "Jacob and I rode our bikes through the worst of the storm. Our afternoon can't be ruined if _that_ didn't ruin it. Go take a shower and give me Ollie. You need sleep and some time without Emmett and without Ollie."

She rubbed her eyes with the arm that wasn't holding Ollie's carrier. "There're more stuff in the car. I didn't think to drive it down into the garage."

Jacob stood up and walked over to us. "I'll get it down there and we'll unload it from there. If you're okay with me driving your car."

"It's the Honda -the 'Mommy' car. I'm fine with you driving it. I'd be eternally grateful if you wrecked it," she said, handing him the keys. Jacob nodded and left, sensing she needed a moment of girl time. When Jacob was gone she put down Ollie's carrier and pulled me into a hug. "I've had a day, Nessie."

I hugged her and patted her back, glad I was good for something. That _someone_ needed _my_ comfort. "It's okay. You're a full-time mommy."

"It's not just that," she said, her voice muffled in my hair. "I've been so stressed over everything. I _love_ your brother. I wouldn't have married him and had his son if I didn't. But they are driving me _crazy_. Either Emmett helps too much or not enough, and I feel bad for having all these mood swings but I don't know what's wrong!"

I rubbed her back a little, letting her vent to me. It was nice to be needed.

"And now I keep thinking that maybe I'm getting that disease some women get after they have kids, that depression that only affects people who've given birth. But I'm not sad, I'm just overwhelmed," she continued to babble. "Emmett's getting worried now, keeping me awake at night asking all these questions about what I want or if I need some help. He's just making it worse. I never knew having someone love me unconditionally would be so much stress. My parents were so image obsessed they didn't have time to really love me. My little brothers love me, but I'd do anything for them, not the other way around. Emmett was the first person to ever really love me this way, and now it's stressing me out."

For some strange reason, I understood her. I'd been loved by many throughout my life, but with Jacob it was so different. It was unbelievable. "I understand. I don't know what to say. Except Emmett loves you, even though he made you put up with this. Don't worry, my brother is many things, but evil isn't one of them. He means well."

"Well, please don't freak out on Jacob anytime soon. I can't imagine _you_ being freaked out over the guy you love," she said, wiping a few stale tears from her eyes. "Partly because that scares the hell out of me, partly because one Cullen girl with a loose grip on life is enough."

I pulled her back down for another hug. "I love you, Rosie. Go upstairs and don't be afraid to cry. It helps."

"I love you, too, doll," she murmured, then squatted down to Ollie. "Mommy loves you. Be good for Auntie Nessie." He gurgled a response, then offered her hair back. She accepted it, kissing his face, then going upstairs, gripping the strands of her hair and rubbing at her eyes.

I bent down and scooped Ollie up. "Mommy needs a break," I said quietly. "Let's go find something to occupy you while Auntie Nessie and Jacob do chores."

Jacob had been in the process of bringing in the results of the shopping trip, leaving them in the floor of the pantry. I laid one of Ollie's blankets on the floor of the kitchen, in a place away from the basic traffic pattern. He found joy with sucking on his fists, as usual, and just laid there, watching us. I was slightly paranoid about Jacob having overheard, until he asked where Rosalie went. I told him she was going to have a few hours _all_ by herself. He seemed to take that as he would, then put up the things on the higher shelves I couldn't reach. When we finished, we played with Ollie for a while, tickling him and talking to him.

"What's my little man been doing today?" I asked softly, nuzzling his cheek. "Have you been bad for your mommy?"

He gurgled a response, reaching for my hair.

"No, sir," I said, taking his little hand gently. "You can't pull hair, angel."

His little eyes got huge as if he understood me. His lips quivered and I kissed his cheek just in time to calm him down.

"That's a boy," I whispered, nuzzling his tiny neck.

He giggled at the tickle of my nose against his skin. His tiny hands reached for my face, his little fingers poking at my lips. He giggled when I kissed his teensy palms.

"You want Auntie Nessie to play with you?"

He giggled happily, and Jacob and I played with him for a little while. After a while, Ollie got sleepy, though. He finally reached for me, looking forlorn. When he was situated in my arms, I sat on the couch, holding him and crossing my legs over Jacob's. We talked to him a bit, just playing little games. He babbled back, then got distracted clapping his hands together, distracting himself and becoming lazier and lazier. Jacob started to doze, and Ollie got sleepier and sleepier, so I held him in my lap for a bit, bouncing him until he fell asleep. I put him in his playpen after that, so the baby monitor wouldn't go off in the middle of Rosalie's nap.

"Jakey," I murmured, wrapping my arms around his neck from behind, standing behind the couch, leaning over it to his dozing form.

"Hmm?" he responded, not really hearing me.

"Jake, the baby's asleep. We're alone again."

"That's nice," he sighed, nestling back into the cushions more.

"Jacob," I persisted. "We are _alone_."

He didn't respond, so I walked around the couch and slid into his lap, his nearly asleep arms encircling me and cuddling me like a stuffed toy. I slid an arm around his waist and another up to his neck, pulling his head over so I could kiss his neck. He woke up after a few minutes of my kisses.

"What are you _doing_, honey?" he asked in an amused fashion.

"Trying to get your attention," I mumbled against his neck, kissing his pulse point tenderly.

His arms tightened around me. "You're succeeding."

I smirked, then kissed his jaw. "Prove it."

He ducked his head and kissed me on the mouth sweetly, then pulled back to gauge my reaction.

"Nope, not sufficient. I'm not convinced." I waggled my eyebrows suggestively, then leaned back to lay on the couch, pulling him along. He rested on his arms to hover over me so as to not crush me. "I think you were only just getting started."

I smirked as he kissed me again, more heatedly than before. His arms strained as he became absorbed in our kiss, to the point that he nearly collapsed on me. I wound my fingers into his hair, keeping him close to me. Honestly, I didn't care if I became a Nessie pancake. I just wanted to be close to him.

"Is this sufficient?" he asked heavily, pulling back to look into my eyes. His own were dilated hugely, his lids falling halfway over the irises.

My response was to wrap my arms tighter around him, pulling him down for another mind-blowing kiss. He groaned softly, balancing himself on one hand and winding the other into my hair. I whimpered when he pulled back again.

"Jake, just-" I was about to tell him to just kiss me and not talk anymore.

His lips were at my neck, working on my pulse point, determined to give me a hickey, I'm sure. I let out a faint moan, slowly losing all awareness to everything but Jacob. I wound a hand into his hair, guiding him up to my lips. He smashed his lips against mine, burning hot and so amazingly soft. Kissing like that felt so amazing, so sweet, so…

"Oh my god!"

**A/N: Love the cliffy?**

**~Sidney**


	26. Hurtful Words and Repricussions

**Yay! Second review of the day! IDK if this'll be updated before Christmas, so Merry early Christmas, and guess who's birthday is tomorrow? Anyways, I don't own the Twilight Saga or anything else you recognise, and I hope you'll review for the birthday girl!**

Jacob flipped into the floor the second Emmett's voice filled the room.

"What the _hell_ is going on?" he demanded, glaring daggers at Jacob. "What are you doing to my sister, jackass? Who the hell left you alone?"

I jumped up and stalked to my brother, glaring into his face. "Shut the _hell_ up. You cannot walk into this house and make false accusations when you don't even know what the hell was going on, and you _will not_ call my boyfriend a jackass when you have no idea who even started it."

He glared down at me, looking terrifyingly huge and threatening. Lucky for me I was ten times meaner than him. "Who started it then? Who decided the couch was the place to-"

"_I did_," I hissed in his face. "And if you were to walk in any later, that's the only thing you'd find! We're not stupid, you idiot, and Jacob isn't a complete man-whore like _someone_ in this room."

It was a low blow, and I knew it. Emmett's expression became hurt. He took a deep breath, then spoke to me in a low and dangerous voice. "I can't believe you of all people would say that to me. I'm taking Ollie to his room. Don't let me find you like that again, _ever_."

"Em, I-" I regretted my harsh words almost instantly.

"I won't tell anyone if it doesn't happen again." He pushed past me and picked up a _still_ sleeping (shocking from all the yelling) Ollie, then went upstairs.

I buried my face in my hands, beyond ashamed of myself. Emmett was my brother and I loved him, and he was just being overprotective. I didn't need to bring up his past mistakes, but I did and now he was upset at me. The tears were escaping before I knew it, and then I was in Jacob's arms. He rubbed my back, trying to get me to relax into him. I was so stupid, hurting all the people I loved. I had to make things right with Emmett soon, because one guy in my life hurting because of my stupidity was bad enough.

"Let me go," I said half-heartedly, trying to shove him away.

"Ness-"

"I have to apologize. I'm a horrible person."

"Nessie, no-"

"Let me _go_!" I snapped, shoving him hard.

He let me go and watched me expressionlessly.

"Gosh, I'm sorry, Jake, I-"

"It's okay. Go talk to your brother. I'll just go back to sleep or something."

I gave him a desperate look, trying to get him to read into my silent apology.

"Go, baby," he said, smiling slightly, nodding in forgiveness.

I brushed my tears away, crossing my arms and walking up to the nursery slowly, gathering my thoughts. I stepped in to see Emmett sitting in the rocking chair, staring at Ollie in his crib. He looked up at me and opened his arms to me. I crossed the room and sat in his lap, burying my face in his chest.

"I'm so sorry, Emmett," I whispered, fighting more tears.

He didn't say anything for a while. When he did, it was soft and confused. "Why would you say that to me?"

I shrugged. "I was mad at you for getting so riled up over it, and I was mad at myself and needed someone to blame, I guess."

"What's been wrong with you, babe?" he asked softly. "You've been tense lately, and secretive, and not yourself."

I gulped. "Em, if I tell you something, will you keep it to yourself?" I asked softly. "It-it's about Jacob and I."

He took a deep breath. "Please don't tell me you two-"

"No," I cut him off quietly. "Opposite, actually. I… I've been lying to him. He says he loves me, but something inside me can't shake the way I've been treated before. I'm scared, Emmy. I love him so much, but I can't trust him and…. And I don't think I can be the person he deserves."

Emmett began to rock the chair slowly. "Nessie, I know you've been hurt before, but Jacob's good to you. He won't do that to you. And babe, you're a great girl, why don't you think you're worth him?"

I shook my head, letting a few tears loose. "I never thought Nahuel would do it, either. I _thought_ I was in love with Nahuel. It sucks when I'm comparing the best guy in my life to the guy who treated me like crap. I'm comparing him to the person he helped me get over, and it's not fair to him and I'm an awful person."

"Nessie, you have to talk to him," Emmett said softly. "You've got to tell him you're scared. Is that why you were doing what you were doing? Were you trying to prove yourself to him?"

I shrugged. "I guess. Now I'm just trying to be what he deserves. I guess going at it on the couch isn't exactly the right way to be what he deserves."

Emmett rubbed my back. "Please don't throw my past in my face again. Rosalie was the best thing to happen to me. She didn't care about the things I'd done and the people I'd done them with. I'm not that guy anymore. And for your information, I was just panicked to see him on top of you like that. I didn't know what could have been going on."

I nodded. "I know. I'm sorry. I love you, you know? You're the only person I trusted to tell all of this."

"I love you, babe. You know you can come to me for anything, right?"

"I know," I sighed. "I hurt your feelings, then I hurt Jacob's feelings by pushing him away when he tried to comfort me. I guess I'd better go apologize."

Emmett kissed my head. "Go on, Nessie." I got up and started to leave, but Emmett stopped me. "You may want to put on some make-up before Mom and Dad get home."

I felt my eyes grow wide, then I practically flew to the second floor bathroom. I lifted my hair up and observed my face and neck, finding the faint purplish spot right where Jacob's lips had been seconds before Emmett came in. I hung my head in submission and refrained from running downstairs and strangling Jacob.

"Jacob Ephraim Black…" I growled, trying to keep my cool. I went upstairs to my bathroom and put about twenty pounds of cover up on my neck, then put on some base, and brushed on a little eyeliner and mascara to even out the make-up on my neck. I went back down to the living room to find Jacob watching something or other on television.

"You and Em okay?" he asked softly, taking my hand and looking over at me. "Why do you have on make-up?"

I smiled sarcastically. "I'm sorry I had to hide your work, but Emmett noticed I had a pretty little purple mark on my neck."

He turned red. "Oh, damn, I didn't mean to-"

I wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, pulling his forehead to mine. "I love you, but if you think you're getting out of this one with an apology, you're sadly mistaken, Black."

He blushed harder still. "I don't want you to get-"

"You were trying to do it," I accused teasingly. "You want everyone to know I belong to you."

He started to understand my little game, then began to play along. "Do you have a problem with that?"

I smiled and acted along. "Well, here's something to let people know _you_ belong to _me_." I leaned closer and closer to his neck, my lips parted. At the last second, I moved and bit down on his shoulder, making him yelp.

"Ness!"

"Jake!" I whined sarcastically. "Now you're branded, too."

He rubbed his bite and pouted at me. "That was uncalled for, Cullen."

I smirked sarcastically. "It was _so_ called for."

"You're mean," he whined childishly, then spoke normally. "I didn't mean to, though."

I leaned over and kissed him lightly, then murmured, "And I didn't mean to hurt your feelings earlier. Forgive me?"

"You don't need to apologize to me." His lips touched mine briefly. "I was being pushy."

I didn't give him a response to that. I was too busy trying not to cry. Again. Yet again he was apologizing when I was the one in the wrong.

Later that night, when I'd just gotten out of the shower, I went to my room in my pajamas to find something to hide my mark with. Jacob had been sitting on my bed, playing with one of my pillows. I giggled a little at him, then went to my closet in search. A scarf at night and indoors in the summer would be a dead giveaway, make-up would be another giveaway, and a bandaid would just look silly. A pair of hands rested on my shoulders, suddenly, then Jacob brushed the hair off the side of my neck and lowered his lips to the mark. I didn't protest; hey, the damage was done.

"No arguments?" he murmured, massaging my shoulders.

I sighed, lolling my neck to the side. "No. There's nothing you can do to make it worse."

"It's not that bad, actually. It kind of looks like when you painted your nails purple and scratched your neck before they were dry. Remember that time?"

But I was already flying to my nail polish collection on my vanity. It was perfect… I quickly added a coat to each nail, then carefully scratched the area in the general vicinity of the mark, making sure one of the nails went over it. Jacob laughed at me, but it did it's job. We went downstairs later and Edward laughed at me, telling me I needed to learn how to use nail polish.

Jacob and I spent our night making the worlds biggest sundae _ever_, complete with three flavors of ice cream, six types of nuts, three sauces (chocolate, strawberry, and caramel), and half a jar of maraschino cherries. After successfully giving ourselves the worst sugar rush on earth, we crashed on the couch and didn't wake up until two the next afternoon, when we decided that it was time to get my biking license. Yup. On a whim. Just like that.

"You ready?" Jacob whispered to me, nudging me along.

Mother had driven us to the DMV in the flatbed, our bikes stored in the back. We were all sure I was getting my license. She'd done the paperwork and we'd waited for twenty minutes for me to take the test. When my name had been called, my hand had grown clammy in Jacob's, alerting him that I was nervous.

"You'll do great, honey," he said, grinning and urging me to go.

I stood up and followed the woman to the testing area. Of course I passed. I'd been taught well. Mother let us leave on the bikes when I got my temporary copy and we drove around for hours for no reason whatsoever. We finally came to a stop at the football field, where we parked our bikes and climbed the bleachers to a spot that had a perfect view of the entire field.

"I'm gonna sit right here at all your games," I said, smiling at him. "And I'm gonna scream so loud I lose my voice until the next game and then I'll do it all over again."

Jacob smiled and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"When you win I'll be the first person to snatch you up for congratulations, and when you lose I'll be the first person to comfort you."

"I know you will, baby," he said, kissing my head. "But we'll always win, so all you have to do is give me a victory kiss and make the other guys jealous."

I grinned at him. "Mmhmm. And how would that be?"

He smiled at me, then kissed my nose. "By being the most amazingly beautiful girl in the stadium."

I smiled bashfully, then snuggled my head into his chest. "How do you think things would have gone if everything with _him_ didn't happen?"

Jacob's arms tightened around me protectively. "I think it's time I made a confession."

I immediately tensed up, bracing myself for whatever he had to say to me.

"That day," he said slowly, "I was about to drive to your house and wait for you to get home. I was going to tell you everything I felt for you. But when you came up to me, you just looked so broken. I didn't care who or what did it to you, but I was going to kill them. Then something inside me felt wrong, like a part of me was missing, and I had to hold you. When you fell into my arms, I knew that everything would be okay, even though I'd have to postpone my plans. New Years was a very watered down version of the speech I was going to give you that afternoon."

I looked up at him and brushed my lips over his, whispering, "I want to hear it. All of what you were gonna say."

His eyelids dropped as he kissed me again, then spoke softly. "You know I love you, Nessie. I've always loved you. I'll always be in love with you. Yes, I said 'in love'. Nessie, I hate that Nahuel gets to call you his girlfriend. I hate that you kiss and hug him like you do, and I hate that he doesn't realize how lucky he is. I'm tired of being alone, but you're the only girl I've ever loved, so I don't care how long I have to wait for you. Think about me, Nessie. We'd be perfect together, you and I. Think about how things could be."

I smiled against his lips. "I really don't know if I'd have believed you."

He kissed me sweetly. "When do you ever believe it when I tell you I love you?"

I deepened the kiss, then whispered to him. "It doesn't matter. Now shut up and kiss me."

He smirked into the kiss, then obeyed.

**A/N: Again, reviews please, and please check out my challenge on my profile. **

**~Sidney**


	27. Plans and Mall Days

**Hellz yeah, we're back and bettah than eva! Lol, I just can't... Sorry. I can't ruin grammar, lol. Review, please, and I don't own.**

"Jacob, let's talk."

It was a Wednesday afternoon, raining steadily (though not storming), and we were laying on my bed, resting after a walk in the woods turned into a mad dash back home. After changing into dry clothes and having a hair dryer fight (long story involving a pacifier, hair spray and orange juice), we were cuddling, having 'resolved our differences'.

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?" Jacob asked, tracing little shapes onto my denim clad thigh, currently hooked over his hip.

"I don't know. I was thinking maybe we could talk about what we want to do later," I said, uncertain about how to approach the topic I had in mind.

"Like later when?"

"When we're grown up."

He smiled. "You want to talk about our future?"

I blushed. "Yeah… It's just, we talk in terms of forever, but I figure we need to make our ideas mesh if it's gonna work long-term."

"Well, okay, but what do you mean? Like negotiating or discussing or just… What?"

"Discussing, getting ideas, leaving room for more discussion later," I said, jutting my lip out thoughtfully. "Like… Well, now we might think staying in Washington is a bad idea, but later we might want to raise our kids in a familiar place."

"Kids?" Jacob asked, grinning. "You want kids?"

I blushed again. "Well, maybe, but I mean, I'm only fifteen-"

"You're almost sixteen."

"-but I think kids are a possibility, in like, ten or fifteen years. Maybe. If you want kids."

"I want kids," Jacob said softly, smiling at me. "And as to where we live, if you're happy, I'm happy. But we should go to college first, you know, buckle down and be able to support them."

"That's something else," I said. "You know I want to go to an Ivy League, but what if you want to go to the state university? How will that work? Will we just be apart for four years or will one of us go to online college or what? I don't want to fight about this when we get there." I was starting to sound slightly hysterical.

"Honey, honey, don't worry," he said, running his hand from my thigh to my waist and back down again in a long, leisurely stroke. "When we get to that point, we'll find a way to make everything work."

"But what if we want different things? I don't want you making sacrifices for me," I said softly, frustrated that this turned from me showing him I was serious to him calming me down, yet again. "You're so good to me, I want to be good to you, too."

Jacob kissed my bottom lip where it was jutted out in a pout. "Look, we love each other. That's enough for now. Why don't we decide now to just talk out problems when we encounter them. That way we'll both find a way to get what we want and we won't fight."

"Okay," I said, sighing. "I just wish we could get all of the arguments out of the way. I don't want to ever fight with you."

Jacob nodded in understanding. "But you know, sometimes arguments are inevitable. That's when we compromise. Why are you even worried about it now? We have a while before we have to make any big decisions. Don't you want to just have fun now and take life as it comes?"

"I guess," I said, sighing. "I just want everything to be perfect."

Jacob smiled and kissed me gently. "I love you for that, but I think we're fine, just the way we are."

I nodded. "Speak up now if you would change anything," I half-joked, leaning in for another kiss.

Jacob smirked against my lips. "You're teasing me. But no thank you, no changes please."

We took our time kissing for a little while, just being sweet and loving on each other instead of getting caught up like we were so talented at doing. Hands held hands and lips remained above the chin. It was nice to just be sweet with one another; it was much less intense than we liked to get at times.

The next couple of weeks passed with fun beach days, walks in the forest, and spending all but every waking moment together. Jacob finally got his driver's license, so -after my dad and brothers rode with him to make sure he was a safe enough driver to let me in the car with- we were able to get out of Forks without asking for a ride from someone.

I was laying on the couch, watching the news (the funny interviews, not the political or sad stuff) when Jacob pulled up with Emmett. Emmett came in first, looking pleased (if not surprised).

"He drives better than me," he said approvingly.

"Yes, but _I _drive better than you and I almost hit the mailbox last week when Edward was showing me how to drive automatic. Is he a good enough driver for me to ride with?" I said smart-aleck-y.

"Okay, smartass," Emmett said teasingly, "maybe I should tell Dad I _don't _approve and see what you have to say about _that_."

"I love you, Emmy!"

Emmett smirked. "I bet you do since I hold the power to make or break your little outing."

"Emmett!"

"He's a great driver, but that's all that he better be doing in that car."

"What car?" I didn't know he had a car. I though he'd been driving the Jeep, which I thought he'd taken the test in.

"The one his dad got him. Have you not been down to the garage lately?"

"We were down yesterday washing the bikes."

"_Our_ garage," Emmett said. "He and Rose have been working on it for weeks."

"Rose-"

"She wanted to prove she could fix a car since I was afraid to let her touch the Jeep."

"Ah. So he has a car?" I was back on topic, and growing excited.

"Go check it out, he's waiting for you."

I jumped up and ran outside to see Jacob, arms crossed, leaning against a red compact convertible. He flashed me a heart-stopping grin and uncrossed his arms, holding up a set of keys. I squealed and ran down the steps to him, jumping into his arms.

"You have a car!" I said, planting kisses all over his forehead, cheeks, nose, and finally his lips.

He laughed and caught me before I slid to the ground. "I have a car."

"How did I not know?"

"I'm sneaky."

I grinned and kissed him again. "I love you."

"Me or that car?"

"Both of you!"

He laughed harder, spinning me around. "You're insane! Do you and your insanity want to hang off me like a monkey all day or do you wanna get in this bad boy and go?"

"Go where?"

"Anywhere! Port Angeles, Paris, the moon, you name it, we go."

"Let's go to… The mall!"

"Okay, well, let go of me and we can go."

"Aw, I hoped we could ride like this," I said jokingly, smirking.

Jacob smirked back, letting me go. I reluctantly slid to the ground, then something on his key ring caught my eye. "Ooh, what's that?"

I snatched the keys from him and looked at the little leather square with the metal clasp cover. The shine had caught my attention, now what was inside had my curiosity. I opened the tiny Velcro clasp and saw a picture of myself, making a kissy-face over my shoulder, my hair piled on top of my head with several colored pencils. In the slot on the opposite side was a tiny piece a paper that read, _My Nessie, August 19th, 2007. _

"Jakey, how long have you had this?" I asked, touched by the honor of him carrying 'me' around with him, curious as to the age of the picture.

"A few years," he said sheepishly. "You never noticed it?"

"No," I said. "I look so young there."

"You look the same."

"I wasn't wearing make-up."

"You're beautiful without make-up. I've had that keychain for ages," he said, taking it away from me. "See? I drew an outline of a heart on it in pencil, so you couldn't see it if you weren't really looking for it."

"How long did you wait for me?" I asked softly, feeling a pang of guilt.

Jacob took my face in his hands, the key ring dangling from his middle finger, still. "It doesn't matter. I have you. And I'm never letting you go."

I smiled. "Yes you do, and no you aren't. Now are you gonna kiss me or what?"

He brought his lips down to mine softly. "Now are we going to go?"

I nodded eagerly. "Let's go!"

He opened the passenger seat door for me, making sure I was buckled in before closing the door and walking around the car to sit in the driver's seat. I was surprised by how well he actually drove. It was fun to be out in the city, shopping around at the mall. We mostly window shopped, but I found a book that seemed good and Jacob got a new video game with some cash he'd earned doing odd jobs for neighbors. We found one of those photo strip things and jumped in, goofing around with different poses until we found a few we liked.

"Make a crazy face!" Jacob said, grinning hugely. We adjusted the focus and made insane faces at the camera, snapping the picture.

"Now lets really smile," I said, resetting the camera. We smiled brilliant smiles at the camera, looking almost like the old Jake and Ness.

"Let's look normal now," Jacob said, nudging me.

When the screen showed the proof, I was wowed. "We look so in love." I looked over at Jacob. "Don't we?"

His response was to lean in and kiss me, taking my breath away. In the middle of kissing me, Jacob's hand wondered to the controls and reset the camera, snapping a picture of us like we were: fused at the lips, completely absorbed in each other. When we separated, I looked at the results and saved them, printing them off. We climbed out of the booth, which was the kind that printed two strips. We each took one, then I dug around in my purse for a moment, looking for a pen. When I found one, I took his strip and wrote on the back the date and a little note. Jacob shot me an amused and curious grin, then plucked the strip from my fingers to read it.

__

You and me, forever and always. I love you, my Jacob. -Nessie

He smiled so brilliantly I thought I might go blind. "You're too perfect."

"No, I'm not," I said, smiling shyly. His attention -while pleasant- was making me nervous. Not the bad kind, though. The kind where you have a million butterflies in your tummy, you feel tingles everywhere, and you feel like crying because you think no moment will ever be this perfect again. I'd never thought I could ever be so in love with someone, but in that moment, with his smile and my butterflies, I knew I was. Full-on, head over heels, heartbreaking, mind numbing, love. "Let's go home. We can go to the fort and have a camp out."

Jacob started laughing. "Random, but okay. Let's go."

He threw an arm over my shoulder and led me to the exit, passing a gaggle of girls who looked insanely jealous. I winked at them (hey, I could have kissed him, now couldn't I?) and enjoyed their looks of irritation. He was _my_ Jacob. My gorgeous guy. My One. On our way out, though, we passed a cart vendor with embroidered merchandise. One of the items was a baby onesie with 'Angel' stitched into the front. Jacob felt me freeze and followed my gaze.

"Oh, Nessie," he said softly. He knew I was having a hard time handling the physical proof of the wrong done to me. I hadn't spoken of the baby at all since that morning in his bed, and I was avoiding the topic at all costs. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I said in a forcibly normal voice. "The stitching's just really pretty."

"Okay," he said hesitantly, obviously not believing me. "Well let's get going. We'll need rations if we camp out."

I nodded numbly, letting him lead me out. All it took was one reminder of the past and my in-love feelings were gone, replaced with bitter hurt and betrayal, yet again. When would I be over this? When would this insanity end? When could I be the woman Jacob believed and deserved me to be?

The feeling of inadequacy is not one I recommend.

**A/N: Drama next chappie. Lordie, we're really getting into it now.**


	28. The Truth Comes Out

**Drama right now. It's gonna get intense, so be prepared. Reviews, please, and I don't own.**

"So you think we're gonna get rained out again?" Jacob asked, his head in my lap in the fort.

I laughed. It seemed like the last several times we tried this we got rained out. "I hope not. We're lucky my parents agreed to let us out here alone." My mood was lifted highly by the idea of actual alone time without parents, siblings, and the oh-so-elusive demonic kitty-cat.

"Yeah," he said, laughing as well.

I pulled my fingers through his soft hair, twisting it around my fingers. "One day I'm gonna curl your hair. You'd be a pretty girl."

"Oh, shut up," he said, smirking up at me. "What girl is six-three, one-eighty, and size twelve in men's shoes?"

"You got me there. You have big feet. Scratch that, you're just big. I'll bet if I tried hard enough both my legs could fit in one of your pants legs."

"I'm tall, not a yeti."

"Oh, well. Still."

He said up and gathered me in his arms, pulling me across his lap. "You know, this could be the last time for a while that we have time all alone."

"I know," I said deviously. "What do you have in mind, mister Black?"

"Well, miss Cullen, I think I want to kiss you until you melt, then I'll put you back together and fall asleep with you in my arms."

"I think that's a wonderful idea."

"But?"

Was my tone of voice that much of a give away to my ulterior motive? "But I want to tell you something. I don't know if you'll be upset with me or if you'll be happy or what, but I wanted to tell you, and I want you to listen until I'm done."

"Okay."

"_Promise_ you'll listen."

"I promise, baby. What is it?"

I took a deep breath. "A few months ago, when I was upset and wouldn't tell you what was wrong, Caleb had kissed me. I didn't want you to be mad at me or him. That's why I didn't tell you."

Jacob smiled softly, putting a hand on my cheek. "I know. He told me. He said he was sorry, but that he just wanted to know what it would be like, and that you nearly bashed his head in. He said not to give you a hard time, that you were embarrassed and angry about it, and that it was all him and that you cussed at him and told him that you only loved me, more or less. Is that why you thought I'd get mad?"

"A little," I said, feeling tears prick my eyes. The worst was yet to come. "There's more to it, though. When he decided he didn't like me, I felt sick. It was like, no one but a brainwashed person could like me."

"Nessie, what do you-"

"I mean, Nahuel didn't really like me, obviously, the other few boyfriends I had were just playing games, and Caleb _told_ me he didn't like me. I was scared that that meant you only liked me because you were forced to, or because you felt sorry for me."

"Baby, I _love_ you; you know that," Jacob said desperately, taking my face and tilting it up to observe my expression.

A few tears escaped my eyes, some from guilt, some from fear, and some from the pain of the next confession I had to make. "Jacob, I've never felt this way about anyone in my life. I'm so in love with you it hurts, because…I don't believe that you love me like you say you do."

Jacob's expression slowly melted to one of hurt. "Nessie… I can't believe… Why don't you trust me?"

I knew he would put it together. I _knew_. "Jacob, listen to me, please. I…I'm so sorry. I love you so much, but I'm so afraid of giving myself to you. I'm afraid that you'll decide you don't want me anymore, or that you'll use me like… I want to be able to give myself to you. You deserve someone who can trust you with their whole heart and I want to be that person so badly, but every time I think I can, something discourages me. I don't feel like I'm good enough for you, because I'm really not. You've been so amazing to me, and I want to be good enough for you. That's why I tried to talk about the future, so we won't have arguments and so you get what you want, but-"

"Breathe, honey," he said lowly. "You're going to pass out if you don't take a breath once in a while."

"But you think I'm fine the way I am," I finished, my voice coming out thickly. "But I'm really not. My nightmares lately have been about you betraying me. The snake dream I had, _you _were the snake. I started crying when you put my hand on your chest and I felt your heartbeat because I knew I wasn't strong enough to do the same. I couldn't let myself be so vulnerable… Jacob, I love you so, so much, but I'm so scared of losing you that I've been hiding everything for months. I'm so sorry."

Jacob's eyes shined with a few unshed tears of his own. "I don't want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me," he said hoarsely. "I want you to be able to fully trust me. You mean the world to me, and I'm in love with you despite what you think. Never doubt that. But don't pretend you're okay if you're not. If we're going to be together forever, we have to be open with one another."

I slid my hands up his chest to his neck, pulling his close so that I could whisper in his ear my next statement. "I'm scared, Jacob."

"Of what?" he breathed. I felt a tear hit my shoulder.

A single sob escaped me. "Being in love with you. I don't like being afraid. I don't want to be afraid anymore."

He took a deep, ragged breath. "I'm so sorry, Nessie. Please, don't be afraid of me."

I put my head on his shoulder and finally allowed myself to honestly cry. Not from hiding, not from fear, and not from doubt. I cried from relief and I cried for Jacob, who was holding me, only letting a few of his own tears escape. "It's okay to cry," I told him, pulling back and looking him the eye.

He nodded, letting more tears stream down his cheeks. I kissed them away gently, comforting him for once, instead of the other way around. His fingers braided themselves into my hair, holding me on his lap still. I kissed away each and every one of his tears, giving a silent apology for each one he shed. I slid my hands under his shirt, tracing his hard muscles, then moving my hands to his back, gently digging my fingers into his spine, relaxing him. We cried together for a long time, then we laid on our sides and faced each other, tracing one another's faces and gazing into one another's eyes. Finally, we gained enough composure to finish our conversation.

"I never wanted to hurt you, Jacob," I said quietly, willing him to believe me. "But I knew that if I didn't want to stay broken, I had to tell you the truth."

He nodded. "I know. It still hurts though. It hurts me that you felt you needed to hide something like this from me, and that you still doubt that you deserve my love."

I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. "I regret not telling you for so long, but it's in the past. You know now, and I can be honest with you. We haven't been able to really enjoy being together, and I'm really sorry about that, but I'm still hurt over everything. I don't deserve you, and you deserve so much better than me, but you don't realize that. I'm trying to be what you deserve. Please believe that."

"_I_ don't deserve _you_," he said, "but don't lie to me. If you don't trust me, or if you can't tell me what's wrong, how are we going to work?"

"We won't," I breathed, suddenly growing terrified of the thought. I had to be honest in order to keep the most important human being in my life with me. "I promise, I'll never keep something like this from you again. I _swear_. But will you stick around long enough for me to finish healing so I can love you like you deserve?"

Jacob traced my lips with his thumb. "I swear. I'll always be there for you, whether you're broken or whole or whatever. I'll be there for you." He gazed intently into my eyes, then whispered, "_Always_."

"Jacob," I whispered, shifting so I was flush against him. "Never let me go."

He shook his head, smiling softly. "Never."

We kissed slowly, deliberately, taking our time and not going beyond timid touches of lips. We fell asleep with our fingers intertwined, heads close together, and with the knowledge that things could only get better. I had so much relief at knowing Jacob wasn't going to leave me for this, and I _would_ be good for him, no matter what.

We were awoken by the ringing of my cell phone.

"Hello?" I said groggily into the mouth piece.

"You two awake yet?" Rose asked from the other end.

I sat up, letting blood rush to the vitals to wake me up. "Now we are."

"Good," she said. I heard clattering in the background. "Emmett's making breakfast and he wanted you two here."

I groaned. "Who let him into the kitchen?"

"Sorry, sweetheart," Rose laughed. "He woke up early."

"We'll be there in a few."

I relayed the message to Jacob, then we packed up and went back to the house. Breakfast was good, actually. After breakfast I had an impulse, which I followed before thinking twice. Jacob and I were sitting in my room when I randomly picked up my cell phone and dialed Emily's house.

"Hello?"

The voice I heard was not the one I expected, but I went with it.

"Hello, Nahuel. May I speak to Emily?"

He seemed extremely shocked. "Um, hi, Nessie. Sure, hang on a second."

Emily was put on the line and seemed happy to receive my call. "Hi, Nessie! How have you been?"

"I've been great," I said, working up my nerve. "I actually wanted to know if I could come over to visit you and your baby?"

She was surprised, but pleased. "Sure! I'll have to ask Nahuel to leave-"

"No, it's fine, I wanted to talk to him anyway, just for a second."

"Oh, okay, well come over whenever."

"How's in about an hour?"

"That's great! See you then." She seemed eager.

"See you."

Jacob didn't need urging to come with me. He didn't want me alone with Nahuel, and he seemed proud of me for facing my fears of seeing the baby. We got there and I chose to speak to Nahuel first, outside in Emily's front yard, but I made Jacob go inside.

"Um, hi Nessie," he said, standing a good five feet away from me.

"Nahuel," I said determinedly. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm not afraid of you anymore."

"Um…"

"It still hurts that you used and betrayed me, but I'm sick and tired of it ruling my life. I'm done with being the damsel in distress, and if you don't like that, oh well. You're not in control anymore, and I'm fighting damn hard to take that control back." I took a deep breath, the weight that I'd grown used to weighing down my chest dissapearing as I spoke aloud the words I'd wanted to speak so truthfully for so long. I almost smiled, but I wouldn't give him the benefit. "I just wanted to let you know."

He stood quietly, then looked at me. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Nessie. I'm stupid and you deserve better than me. You deserve Jacob."

I nodded. "I know I deserve better, and even though I don't think I deserve Jacob, I have him. I always had him. I was just blind. I just had to tell you goodbye, since I never really did. Goodbye, Nahuel."

He nodded. "Goodbye, Nessie. I'm glad you're happy."

"Me, too." I did smile after that. And ironic smile. A smile that needed to be smiled.

I went inside after that to see Emily. I gave her a huge hug and we chatted a bit, the baby in her lap.

"Her name is Chastity. It's ironic, but I think it's fitting," Emily said, gazing down at the tiny thing.

She was cute, squishy and quiet. The baby stayed asleep the whole time I visited Emily, and I realized something important. That baby had nothing and everything to do with my Jacob and me. Her existence was the reason I'd opened my eyes to him, but she wasn't a mistake. She was meaning and reason, and had a purpose on earth. But that purpose had nothing to do with me, and I wouldn't be a constant in her life. In the middle of this visit Caleb and Alicia stopped by for a visit, seeming surprised -but pleased- to see me there. Caleb surprised me by sitting next to Emily and putting an arm around her shoulder, kissing her cheek.

"How are you, baby girl?" he said to the sleeping thing. "It's Uncle Caleb."

"She missed you," Emily said, turning her head to him and kissing his lips softly. "Or maybe that was me."

I caught Alicia's eye across the room. She shrugged and grinned. I guess love just comes from the strangest places.

Jacob and I left not long after that, back to my house to watch a movie with Bella and Edward. I didn't talk about the visit at all, and I guess it was for the better, because I had mixed feelings.

I just made myself remember that things were going to be better.

**A/N: I'm glad I didn't make Caleb gay, too, lol. Don't worry if you don't get, and I have nothing against gay people so don't take that the wrong way. I seriously want to know what you thought of this chapter, for real, please!**


	29. Finally Free

**Um... Wow. I'm feeling totally sentimental, once again. It's tear time, everyone. This is the last chapter-chapter, and the next chapter will be the epilogue, which will tie up all loose strings. I feel so amazed by this story and the effort that it took to keep myself on track, and by the patience and effort of Lucas McDrake to help me perfect it. If I could thank each and every single one of you readers that has kept me inspired to write this, I would, but I don't think there would be room for all the thanks I want to give each of you. While I'm proud of myself, I'm more proud of this story, and the fact that it went exactly how I wanted it to, which is a rarity for me. Thinking back on this I'm surprised that I got this far. This was posted because it was stuck in my head, then it took up residence in my heart and I just knew it was in need of an ending. To everyone who read and reviewed this story, thank you so much for the support. Hopefully that support can be extended as this chapter and the next one comes to a close on this story, and remember that I don't own Twilight or anything recognized. **

Edward called a family meeting a few weeks later, one which he insisted Bella attend. We crowded into the living room (the dining room was too small at this point) and sat around, waiting. To everyone's surprised, shy Bella spoke up.

"Edward and I have some important news," she said, twisting her hands together.

Edward took her left hand in his and held it up. "She said yes."

We all cheered, joking on Bella for waiting so long, congratulating the both of them. We welcomed Bella 'officially' into the family, then were shushed when Bella said something else.

"Now we're handing over the congratulations to Emmett and Rosalie," she said.

"Bella!" Rose hissed. "No, this is your-"

"Nope, go on, tell them."

I knew what was coming and started laughing like a madwoman. "Really, you guys? Again?"

"What?" Jasper demanded, looking confused to the Nth power.

Emmett beamed at Rosalie, then spoke up. "We'll, we're having a baby. Again."

Again, the room roared with excitement. We made a party of it, having a fun family night of games and chatter.

A month later, Edward and Bella were wed. It was a small affair in our house. We cleared the living room out and decorated it with flowers and streamers. Bella was a nervous wreck up in my room, where we'd made a makeshift dressing room. Edward wasn't much better in his room when I went to get Ollie. I was the 'flower girl', per se, and I was carrying Ollie, the ring bearer, down the aisle.

"Eddie, don't worry," I said, kissing his cheek carefully (so as to not rub any of my mauve lipstick onto his cheek). "It'll be great."

I took the baby back up to my room and held him while Rosie -acting as pianist and coach to the bride- and Alice -Maid of Honor- primped Bella. After reassuring her as well, we went downstairs to get the show on the road. After Alice and Jasper (acting as co-best man) walked down the aisle, Emmett went down solo, and I carried the baby down, Bella and Charlie made their appearance. Caleb and Alicia's dad was working as the minister (understandably). The ceremony was beautiful, and Bella was in tears by the end.

At the reception, everyone had a blast. There was music and dancing and food and fun. I got wired up on chocolate frosting and danced with all my brothers and my dad, then attacked Jacob. We danced wildly for a while, then he went off to find his dad to ask if he could stay with us (after my mom suggested it, since everyone was going to be up late and I was far from crashing from my sugar rush). I sat next to Bella, who was watching Edward lovingly as he bragged about her to some friends while she took a breather.

"Hey, _sis_," I teased, grinning at her. "Feet sore?"

"Beyond," she laughed, wiggling said feet. "I feel…so weird."

"You're a Cullen, doll, get used to it," I said, winking.

She beamed. "I'm a Cullen. I'm so happy."

"We are, too. We love you."

"I love you guys, too," she said, smiling sweetly. Her shyness wasn't showing at all on this night.

Jacob chose that moment to run up. "He said yes. Hey Bells, congrats." He kissed her cheek and gave her a bear hug. "You always said you wished I was your brother and someday I will be. Love you, _sis_," he said, winking.

I smiled at the thought, as did Bella. "I love you, too, _bro_," she teased back, looking from one of us to the other. "Well, go on, dance."

I laughed and hopped up, grabbing Jacob and pulling him onto the dance floor as a slow song began playing. We swayed together, smiling at each other. Since he's super tall, and I'm…vertically challenged, it was pretty funny looking, but we were so absorbed in one another, it didn't matter to us what we looked like. At some point in our dance, my _dad_ of all people came up with a camera and told Jacob to kiss me for a cute shot, though we ended up looking like bug-eyes weirdos puckering up at each other (as if we were really going to kiss in front of my dad). The rest of the night was a bit of the blur, mostly from my sugar rush, but in the end it was simply amazing. We saw Edward and Bella off, then set off to clean up. We were up until two in the morning cleaning up. After that, we were all majorly exhausted. I used baby wipes to get my make-up off and freshen up a little, then almost (_almost_) forgot to put on my pajamas before crashing in my bed. Jacob opted to actually shower, and I fell asleep before he was done. He woke me up when he sat on the edge of my bed, about to lay down on top of the covers.

"Just get in," I said groggily, scaring him.

"I don't want to-"

I glared at him in the dim light from the hallway. "If anyone thinks we'd try something _this_ exhausted, they deserve to be scared silly by finding us in bed together. Now get in here and go to sleep."

He chuckled a little, but agreed and got under the covers and laid on his back, letting me use his chest as a pillow. "I love you, Nessie."

"I love you, Jacob." I threw an arm over his tummy, then sighed as his fingers combed my loose curls, lulling me to sleep.

His rhythmic heartbeat was what really pushed me into the Land of Nod, where I had a nice, long, dreamless sleep. We slept right into the next afternoon, waking up around four. We went to the beach for a little bit, then to the hospital to get my mom, who'd come in with my dad to hand out the extra sweets from the wedding to the guests. Mother wasn't done with the last floor when we got there, so we found ourselves in the maternity ward, watching the tiny sleeping babies in the window.

"When we get married," Jacob said, taking my hand gently, "let's have it on the beach."

"Barefoot," I added, glancing over at him. "And we'll ride off on your motorcycle with tin cans on the back. No limos, please."

"No limos," he agreed. "And when we have kids, we'll stand right here, looking at them through the window, when we're not allowed to hold them."

I put my head on his shoulder. "They'll be easy to spot, because they'll be the most beautiful babies in there."

"They'll look just like you," Jacob said softly.

"No, you," I argued back, equally softly.

"They'll have a bit of each of us," he said, finding a compromise. "And none of them will be 'junior' anything. They'll have names that mean something."

"Yeah…"

Then I knew.

We drove home in almost complete silence, then I suggested we go to the fort for a bit, since it was a blessedly dry evening. We walked to it and climbed up, sitting close together and enjoying the privacy.

"Jacob?" I said softly, smiling at him.

"Yeah?" he said, smiling back.

I grabbed his hands, lacing my fingers through his. "You know how sometimes there are things that just make sense?"

"Yeah?"

"I think that we're one of those things. It's totally obvious that we should be together, don't you agree?"

He chuckled. "You're crazy, but you have a point. There's no doubt there."

"No," I said lowly, letting go of his hands. "And I don't know why I ever did."

Jacob leaned forward and kissed me gently. "That's all behind us now."

I picked up one of his hands and pulled it to my chest, making him blush at first, then he realized what I was doing. I brought his hand to the valley in the middle of my chest, laying it over the place where my heart beat under my skin. "I know."

Understanding dawned on his face, then his lips were on mine, moving roughly. It was our first kiss all over again. His hands gripped my waist, bringing me up onto my knees so our chests were pressed together. My arms held him around the back, keeping him against me, and my lips were relentless against his. The messy, feverish, wild kisses we exchanged were the most honest we'd ever exchanged, exactly like Christmas. We didn't do more physically than kiss, but emotionally we'd undergone an incredible journey. One that wasn't over yet.

After we exhausted ourselves kissing, we sat against the wall, holding hands, catching our breath. We looked at each other and started laughing, then we were crying. Happy tears escaped us as we laughed, making a game of trying to kiss the most off of one another.

"You have all of me," I said, hot tears cascading from my eyes.

Jacob kissed them away quickly, chuckling lowly. "I love you so much."

"I love you with all my heart," I whispered, kissing the tears off of his face that formed from my statement. "I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it."

Jacob took my face in his hands, pulling it close to his own. "I don't care how long it took you to realize it. I knew all along. I was just letting you find out on your own."

I felt more tears make an appearance, saw a few more on Jacob's face, and then I leaned in and gave him another honest kiss, conveying all the love and devotion I felt for him. He kissed back just as intensely, and I knew that he meant the same as mine. We would be together forever, no regrets, no worries, just love and life and happiness on the horizon. Now we just had to live our lives together. It was perfect. When our kiss ended, we were both being blinded by happy tears.

"I love you." In unison, we professed our love for each other in the simplest of terms. It was amazing how much and how little the word meant. It meant us. It meant forever.

When we'd ran ourselves dry, we went back to my house, hand-in-hand.

**A/N: Epilogue up next! I'm shaky and nervous. I don't know when it will be posted, but I'll probably be crying when it is. Review, please, and stick around for the final chapter of Learning, Trusting, Loving. **

**~Sidney**


	30. Epilogue

**Wow, I feel like crying. Once again, Lucas McDrake and I have completed a work together, and once again I'd like to thank him so much for helping me make this so amazing. This is a very long post, but it covers all the bases and I really hope you enjoy it. I don't own Twilight, but I like it better that way. I would like to thank all of the amazing reviewers and everyone who has subscribed/favorited me and this story. You guys are amazing, and you make me smile. If you've never reviewed, please review this chapter, because I'd personally like to thank everyone. I have several deleted scenes I may post at a later date, but for now, this is the end of Learning, Trusting, Loving. It has been such an amazing experience writing this, and it's all fluff from here. Finally, I give you the epilogue to Learning, Trusting, Loving. **

The end of the summer marked my sixteenth birthday, which I spent with my family and Jacob. I got a car from my parents (a cute little VW Bug in midnight blue), money and such from my brothers, and a promise ring from my entire family (to ensure my virgin status remained so until I was wed; Emmett's words, not mine). Jacob's gift to me was a pair of tickets to a Switchfoot concert one weekend, where we went and got autographs backstage (squeal!).

Junior year started after that, and Emily came back. No one even blinked an eye. Not even when Caleb escorted her into the front office to get her schedule. No 'Oh my God, the school whore and the preacher's kid!', no 'Here's Mommy', and no degrading comments about anyone. It seemed my destruction and accused affair was the last news for Forks for a while. And the fact that Jacob grew three impossible inches over the summer. (By the way, that thing I said about him being bigger than Emmett? Hello, six foot six.) Jacob would shoot one of his killer glares that screamed intimidation and animalism if anyone even gave Emily or me a second look.

Life goes on, I guess, because Jasper proposed to Alice on her birthday in October, which wasn't a big surprise. The two got married in March, a month after Ollie's first birthday, a month before Janet Ella Cullen was born to Emmett and Rose, and two months before Bella found out she was -you guessed it- pregnant.

Senior year passed quickly, and Jacob and I had some important decisions to make. Graduation was dwelling on the horizon, and we were still as in love as we were before, maybe even more so. Graduation was an interesting affair. There was only three people between Jacob and I, and they were really good sports when Jacob leaned all the way around them to kiss me good luck before strutting onto the platform to receive his diploma (graduating with honors _and_ an offer of a sports scholarship to the state university _and_ an arts grant for an amateur photography contest he won). I accepted my diploma (also graduating with honors, an internship with a prestigious periodical, and a junior journalism grant) then went to my seat, grinning as our families screamed for us. After the tossing of hats, Jacob and I found our family and friends, then went to my house for a small graduation party with only our families. We opened a few gifts, from our family, then sneaked up to my room to exchange our own gifts. We agreed on homemade gifts, since they were more meaningful.

"Here," I said, handing him a small bag. "Rosie helped me make it." It was a leather strung colorful stone from the beach, held onto the cord by intricate wiring. The stone was the exact color of the ocean. "I had a hard time deciding what to make, sorry."

He smiled and kissed my cheek, slipping the cord over his head. "Open yours." He thrust a small box into my hands, looking at his lap shyly.

I opened it and found an intricately woven bracelet with a teeny tiny figuring hanging from it. On closer observation, I saw it was two faces kissing, shaping into a heart. "Oh, Jacob, it's beautiful."

"Do you know what it means?" he asked shyly, peeking up at me through his eyelashes. When I shook my head, he looked me in the eye. "It's the Quileute equivalent of a promise ring. It means that we're going to be together forever, if that's what you want."

My reply was to knock him flat on his back on my bed, kissing him so fiercely that if Ollie hadn't toddled in a minute later, we'd probably have broken some rules…

College was another story. After intense discussion, we agreed to stay in Forks and commute to college, instead of dwell apart in a metropolis that lacked the feeling of home. By living at home, we could be separate when we needed to study, together when we wanted to be, and (most importantly to _everyone_) under surveillance to ensure that we were 'behaving'. Things were great for us, and they only got better.

Alice had become pregnant over that summer, giving birth on the couple's anniversary to a little boy, Ryan Kyle Cullen. (We're a fertile bunch, the Cullens…) He was blonde like Jasper, and had Alice's sparkly green eyes.

In late February in sophomore year of college, Jacob and I were in Austin, Texas, on a trip to see a photography competition Jacob had been invited to show his work in. He'd found he loved playing with cameras and effects more than tossing around leather, and I was his favorite subject, of course. We were at the awards ceremony, waiting anxiously as his photo was placed in the top ten. He wouldn't let me see it until the end. When his photo was revealed, I was breathless.

A black and white photo of myself was displayed, one where I had my hair piled on top of my head with colored pencils (goofing off for old time's sake one evening in his room), and each pencil was highlighted to show the color in a pastel-like hue. My eyes were sparkling, even in the plain photograph; my lips were puckered, but you could tell I was obviously trying not to smile; and my shoulder was bare (_no_ pervy reason. I was wearing a tank top, which didn't show up on camera) and raised where I was peeking over it.

"Jacob Black's _My Nessie_, everyone!" the announcer called, making the crowd erupt. I then realized he'd won and kissed him full on the mouth, then pushed him to go onstage.

He ran up and shook hands with the announcer, taking the award. "I'd like to thank my inspiration for everything, my best friend, and the most beautiful girl in the world, my Nessie."

I blushed and blew him a kiss as everyone turned to look for me. He beamed at me from the stage, mouthing 'I love you'. I mouthed it back, grinning so broadly I thought my face would split in half. Everyone started pushing me to go onstage with him, where he kissed me tenderly, earning several catcalls. We had a celebration dinner at a sweet little restaurant, then we walked back to our hotel around the corner, exhausted and barely having time for a goodnight kiss before falling deeply asleep, cuddled together.

We flew home the next day, where we went to the beach (after resting sufficiently), then to his house for the evening, where we had a celebration dinner with Billy. Later, when we were taking turns getting ready for bed, he suddenly grabbed me and pulled me outside and on an impromptu walk to the beach. At one point we were just standing there, in our pajamas, barefoot in the sand, when he suddenly knelt down and took my hand.

"I had no idea how to do this right, so I just have to do it before I lose my nerve," Jacob said, looking intently into my eyes. He took a tiny ring from his shirt pocket and held it up. "I love you so much and I want to have you all to myself forever. Will you marry me, Renesmee Carlie Cullen?"

I wasn't prepared for it at all. He'd dropped no hints, acted no differently, or done anything special. Then it dawned on me. He'd always known this day would come, so it was not different than any other day. "Yes… Yes. Yes!" I screamed, bursting into tears as he slid the simple band and diamond onto my finger, resting it next to my promise ring.

He stood up and picked me up, swinging me around and kissing me passionately. I began crying in happiness, refusing to let him go. He didn't protest, and we stayed on the beach until my tears dried. Back at his house, we stayed awake all night, making plans and sharing ideas and opinions.

"You know, I wanted to propose in Austin. I decided to yesterday, but I realized that I wanted to be able to take your hand and pull you to the place I proposed. I wanted it to be home," Jacob said, grinning shyly.

I nodded in agreement, giggling when Oreo crawled up between us. "Guess what, Oreo. Mommy and Daddy are getting married."

Jacob smiled brilliantly at me then nuzzled the small cat. Oreo fell asleep between us, which made me start crying again.

"What is it, baby?" Jacob asked, thumbing the tears away.

I gave him a watery smile. "One day there's gonna be a real baby laying there between us. We're gonna be _married_, Jakey."

He kissed me gently, smiling his most beautiful, heart-breaking smile. "I know, and we'll be each others' forever."

"We already are, though," I said softly. "The wedding is just to show everyone else what we've known our whole lives. I love you, my Jacob."

"I love you, my Nessie."

We fell asleep facing each other, Oreo between us, our hands intertwined.

We wasted no time in telling _everyone_. The next day, when Billy woke us up around noon, we made lunch for ourselves and him, then sat down. Billy kept staring at my left hand.

"I take it that's the reason you two were awake all night?" he asked, gesturing to the ring, sitting proudly on my finger.

Jacob grinned widely. "And the reason my face hurts _really_ bad. I can't stop smiling for some godforsaken reason."

I rolled my eyes, elbowing him. "It _could_ be because that girl you asked to marry you said yes." My own smile was making it hard to joke with him, and I loved every second of the pain in my cheeks.

Billy smiled back and forth between us. "I take it you're going to be heading right over to yours to tell your family?"

"Well, Carlisle and Esme already know," Jacob said, chewing a piece of garlic toast. "And Emmett. But that's because he's the most protective of them all. I asked permission."

I choked on my orange juice. "You did what now?"

He simply smiled and ignored my question.

That evening, I called a family meeting. The entire crew was there, and it was strange. Everyone else had since moved out with their growing families and I was the last one living at home.

"Um," I said slowly, not sure how to approach the big news. "Well, this was kind of a long time coming but… Well… We're…"

"Oh my God!" Rosie interrupted, her eyes growing wide. "Oh my goodness! No way!"

"Rosie, stop screaming!" Alice said, looking confused and frightened.

Emmett simply sat back and smiled, as did my parents, letting it sink in with everyone. There was a collective 'Oh my gosh!' and then we were being rushed.

"We're engaged!" Jacob roared above the insanity of the people crowding us. He snatched my hand and threw it into the air, waving my hand with the ring around.

I about fell over laughing, enjoying the positive outcome. Everyone was excited, and the most common thing said was, 'It's about time!' My family was insane, but I loved them, and I loved that Jacob was soon to be an 'official' part of the insanity.

"I think we may have to elope," I joked to Jacob, trying to fight off Alice's chokehold.

Everyone in ear-shot objected, _loudly_.

About seven months of plans, late nights, and pure insanity later, was our wedding day. It was a crisp autumn afternoon, the reception hall was a gorgeous ballroom of sorts, and everything was perfect.

But I was a nervous wreck, running around my room in my underwear and a tank top. I was waiting for my mother and sisters to get up there already with my dress and make-up. When Rosalie finally walked through the door with four year old Ella, I threw myself into my sister's arms sobbing.

"Rosie, I'm so scared! What if he changes his mind? What if I-I faint or I-I-I cry or something embarrassing?" I told you I was a wreck.

She hugged me and reassured me, but I didn't feel better until the rest of the ladies got upstairs and Bella told me Jacob had called her at four in the morning asking my same questions.

My dress was crisp and white, a strapless ball gown of sorts, with a long veil that covered the length of my hair. My hair wasn't fussed with much, just left in loose curls down my half-bare back and coated with an unholy amount of hairspray. My make-up was left neutral, and very pale lipstain was applied, due to my dreadful habit of chewing my lips when my nerves acted up. Alice insisted I follow the old tradition, so my garter was old (an almost antique accessory), my dress was new, my veil was borrowed from Rosalie (her wedding being nearly ten years previous), and one single toenail was painted blue.

When I was dressed, my brothers and nephews (yes, multiple, Bella's baby was a boy name Elliot Jason, or EJ affectionately) came in to check us out and give me kisses and reassurance. Kyle wasn't able to be in the wedding, at a year and a half, but he was thrilled by the mini-tux he got to wear (Alice's child if there ever was one).

"Auntie Nessie, you're the prettiest gir-luh in the who-luh wor-eld," Ollie said, kissing my cheek. He held a special place in my heart, like his daddy, and the words from that sweet little angel reassured me better than any others. Though I had to admit, the amusing way he pronounced his words lightened my mood as well, especially his elongation of the 'l' sound on his words. "You look like a princess. I'm gonna do a good job wiff your rings. And guess what? Jacob can be my unc-cle now! I looove you, Auntie Nessie."

I hugged my little ring bearer. "I love you, too, baby boy."

My father appeared behind my brothers and smiled lovingly. "Are you ready, sweetheart?"

I bit my lip and nodded. "Go on, we'll be down soon enough."

I was a case of nerves when it was just Dad and me. "Daddy, I'm scared."

He let me babble my worries to him as he led me down to his car. He held my hand the whole drive, then reassured me when we got to the beach and were waiting in the woods as the procession began. "That boy has been devoted to you since the day you were born. He loves you and he is waiting for you right now. Sweetheart, this is right for you. I love you, Renesmee."

I bit my lip and nodded. "I love you, Daddy."

He led me to the area and we began our way up the 'aisle'. My eyes found Jacob's and that was all I needed. His smile was so brilliant, a reflection of my own. I almost broke down in tears halfway down the aisle between the rows of chairs in the sand. My Matron of Honor (Rosie, after intense deliberation) and his Best Men (Quil and Embry) all grinned manically at us. I knew everything was perfect.

When my hand was placed in his, he gently folded the veil over my head, revealing my face to him fully. Our vows were self-written love for one another. I read mine, then Jacob read his.

"Jacob Ephraim Black," I started in a slightly shaky voice, "you've always been in my life. You've always been there for me in whatever way I needed. We grew together, in a perpetual race for who would be an adult first. When I look at you, I feel like the fifteen year old that I was when I truly fell in love with you, and I don't think it'll ever change." I was getting choked up, trying to maintain composure. "I was so scared when I fell in love with you, because I was sure that someone as amazing as you would never feel the same, but by some miracle, you do. I promise to always be the woman you need, I promise to stay by your side no matter what life throws our way, and I promise that I will _always_ love you. You've made everything worthwhile, and I love you, my Jacob."

Jacob's expression was radiating love as he spoke his vows to me. "Renesmee Carlie Cullen, there will never be a doubt in my mind that you are the one for me. I've waited my whole life for you to see what I saw, and when you did I felt as though my world was complete. You've made every obstacle and every trying time worthwhile. I want you to always know that no matter what, I love and cherish you, and you'll always have my heart. Thank you for being you and thank you for keeping my heart safe. My life is amazing, and now all I want is to make you my wife, my Nessie." My eyes were pooled with tears by the end of his monologue.

The matching gold rings (mine much smaller, of course, and encrusted with simple diamonds) were exchanged. Then the minister said the words that forever sealed us. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Jacob's arms crushed my small frame to his large one, our lips finding one another and fighting desperately to become closer, my hands winding into his straight, ever-long hair (he didn't want to cut it, but wore it down neat for me). The beach screamed for us, cat-calling at our intense kiss, which only ended because I was about to faint from lack of oxygen. I broke down when our lips separated, sobbing happy tears into my _husband's_ chest as his own dampened my hair. We held hands as we were hugged and kissed, never once letting each other go. We'd reached our dreams. We'd been married barefoot on the beach. Mind you my toes were icy, but I didn't care. I was with my soul mate. We were so in love…

We danced our first dance together. It was beautiful. My arm stretched high to hold his shoulder, his head tilted down to press our foreheads together, our fingers intertwined on the hands we held together. I caught Jacob sneaking peeks at my ring several times, his smiling growing with each glance.

"Hello, Mrs. Black," he whispered, smiling brilliantly.

"Hello, Mr. Black," I said softly, my face sore from my own smile.

"Nessie Black… It sounds so right…" he sighed, reveling in the reality that was us.

I giggled breathlessly in agreement. "It's perfect."

As the soft melody came to an end, Jacob's hands cupped my face delicately and he kissed me for the first time since the 'I do's. Our kiss was chaste, short, and light, but on film in later years, we'd find that it was the best photograph from the wedding. He took one of my hands and held it to his chest, smiling at me lovingly. After our dances with respective parents (Jacob opting to light a candle in his mothers' honor and memory, which caused several of the women present to cry, including myself), we cut the cake as husband and wife, then were sent into the past for a few seconds to our childhood as we teased each other with bites and made a mess of ourselves. After sufficient cleaning and hounding from some of the guests, it was time for the coveted garter.

I sat on the edge of a folding chair, holding my dress as high as I could manage (little tip, ball gown, soooo not good for times when you need a skirt that's easily moved around) while Jacob's fingers danced up my leg and pushed the skirt further out of the way. In true Jacob fashion, he caught my by surprise, grasping the cloth in his teeth and slowly sliding it off of my leg with little kisses as he went, earning too many cat-calls to count, and the deepest of blushes from myself. He haphazardly chucked the cloth while I adjusted my skirts, and who was it to land with than Billy himself. He grinned and waved the flimsy thing around while I buried my face in my hands, then stood up and took my bouquet from Rosalie. I threw the white roses over the back of my head, giggling like a wild woman, turning to inspect the catcher of the flowers. To the sheer amusement of _everyone_, Rachel Black held the bouquet, laughing the hardest of all.

After the comedy bits, we resumed dancing, and I felt a little tap on my back. I turned and saw Ollie, EJ, and Ella, Ollie being the ringleader. "Auntie Nessie, can me and EJ dance wiff you? Ell-lah wants to dance wiff Unc-cle Jacob, too."

I giggled and collected to two little boys in my arms, holding one on each hip. Jacob scooped up little Ella, making her giggle when he tossed her up in the air. We danced with the kiddies for a few minutes, until the fast song ended. We put them down and got plenty of hugs and kisses before they ran off to find someone else to dance with. My brothers intervened a little, wanting to dance with their sister before she was a woman (again, Emmett's words, _not mine_). Jacob didn't mind giving me up for a little bit, since his sisters were hounding him to dance, and Bella wanted a go as well with her 'baby brother'. We were hugged and kissed so many times it was impossible to count, especially when Embry and Quil got into a 'who can make the bride blush more' contest, taking turns kissing my cheeks and nose and forehead.

As our reception ended, Jacob and I walked hand in hand under the birdseed Alice felt was necessary to have tossed. We boarded his motorcycle, tin cans tied to the back, and drove off on the miraculously clear night to our new home. It was simple, sweet, four bedrooms (Jacob, ever-the-optimist), and perfect. We'd spent many days painting and arranging things. We had never stayed the night there, but it was obvious it was ours. Pictures everywhere, clothes hanging in the closet, and even a few dry or canned foods in the cupboard. Oreo would have her own little area to play, and maybe she'd even get to have a new friend soon. Our house was brilliant, and the only thing that was left to do to it was put people in it, which was happening soon. We'd stay the night there, then leave early the next morning for our honeymoon on a secluded island off the Atlantic Coast. Our plans had been reached, but we still had some further off goals.

At the tender age of twenty two, three months after our second wedding anniversary, I reclined in a hospital bed, exhausted and numb. Jacob sat by my side, holding my hand, kissing my cheeks and nose gently. I had woken from an induced sleep after my vitals were checked, then Jacob had filled me in on everything. Now we were just waiting for the news. Finally, a nurse came into our room holding something that could only be described as glorious.

"Mr. and Mrs. Black, meet baby Black," she said, laying the bundle in my arms. "She's perfectly fine."

"Thank you," Jacob managed in a strained whisper, before collecting me and our child in his arms.

We cried happy tears together, thankful our baby was well after being born six weeks premature. We kissed the tiny soft face and stroked the fine black curls, and when our baby opened a pair of deep brown eyes and seemed to recognize us, we were almost sobbing in joy. The nurse took a photo for us, smiling lovingly at the joy that was a new family, then left us with one question.

"What's her name, Mommy and Daddy?"

Jacob and I gazed at each other. Our name discussion had never been finished (we'd been in part umpteenth of it when I went into labor), but by some otherworldly phenomena, we spoke the same words. "Sarah Austin." We smiled a secret smile to one another, then shared a brief kiss. The nurse left us alone to finish our happy time.

"Hey, baby," I whispered, grinning down into her curious chocolate eyes. "I'm your Mommy. This is your Daddy. We love you more than you'll ever know."

Jacob drew her attention next, leaning over and kissing her delicate lips lightly, startling her a bit by the foreign action. She turned her eyes on him and he smiled his heart-breaking smile that I'd fallen in love with, undoubtedly earning our baby's love in the same manor. My sleep had helped me recover from the entire event of the last stretch of immeasurable time so people were able to visit a few at a time, but we wanted Billy first. He wheeled himself in, hugging his son then stretched up to get a one armed hug from me. I placed the bundle in his arms and smiled as the new grandfather fawned over the beauty that was Sarah Austin Black.

"Well, hello, miss," he cooed softly. "I'm your Grampa Billy. You have a name yet?"

I propped myself up better and looked to Jacob. "Yeah," I said softly. "Billy, meet Sarah."

Billy's eyes snapped up to study Jacob and I, then filled with tears when he saw our honest expressions. "Is she-" he choked, then cleared his throat. "Is she really?"

I nodded, my own eyes filling with tears. Jacob's eyes looked damp, too, and he knelt beside his father. "Her name is Sarah Austin Black, Dad. She's special."

Billy nodded in agreement, holding the bundle tightly (but not too tightly). "She's something special. But can I ask a question?"

"Sure," Jacob said, grabbing a tissue from his pocket and wiping Billy's face for him, since he seemed unwilling to let go of our baby.

"What the hell is Austin?"

I laughed a bit. "I'm not sure. I just thought it sounded nice, and it kind of rang a bell. It felt special."

Jacob cast a bemused smile at me. "It's where I decided to propose, honey." He laughed at my expression of revelation, then turned back to Billy. "Mom loves it."

Again, I felt an urge to cry at the mention of Sarah Black Sr. Billy nodded in agreement with Jacob. "She sure does."

We got our baby back, then the rest of the troops marched through. My parents were fawning over the baby, cooing to her and fussing over me, having been terrified when Jacob called them some odd number of hours or even days before, telling them I was in premature labor.

"My poor baby," Mother said, hugging me protectively. "These things are so unpredictable. Are you okay now?"

I laughed and nodded, grinning at my mother. "I'm fine, Mom. I'm just glad _my_ poor baby's all right, too."

Daddy, sitting in one of the chairs, holding Sarah first, looked at me and smiled lovingly. "She looks like you, Nessie. And I can see some of you in her, too, Jacob."

Mother went to his side and studied the baby, taking her when he offered her up. "She's gorgeous. What's her name?"

Jacob and I exchanged a quick glance. He moved and sat next to me, wrapping me in his arms. "We named her after Mom."

I watched my mother's expression crack a bit. Sarah Black Sr. was her best friend. My mother's eye's shined with emotion. She let one or two tears fall, then cleared her throat. "That's wonderful, kids."

I nodded, smiling softly. "Her name is Sarah Austin."

My mother nodded, fighting her tears. She continued to study the baby's face, then handed her back over. My father took her into a loving embrace, then they left, letting more people come in. The kiddies all took turns seeing her, and Ollie, my little angel, was thrilled. He sat on Jacob's lap and held Sarah, telling her all the things he was going to teach her. "I'll show you how to make a mud-pie and I'll show you how to dress up like a superhero!" He finished with, "And you're gonna be da prettiest girl in da world like Auntie Nessie!"

Jacob chuckled in agreement. I, on the other hand, protested. "No, she's gonna be a prettier girl than me."

Ollie's big grey eyes turned to me in shock. "But how? Are you gonna turn into a lady like Mommy? You and Mommy are da same amount of pretty, dow. Sarah will be da same amount of pretty as bofe of you."

I giggled at his observation. "Well, if I'm pretty and Uncle Jacob is handsome, then Sarah will be extra pretty. Understand?"

"No," he said, smiling nevertheless. "But you said it so it's true."

I smiled at my little angel. After the baby had been safely removed from his arms, I pulled him up to sit next to me for a minute. "Do you like her?"

"Yeah! She's small like Ella and EJ were," he said, smiling at me. "Is she always gonna be small?"

"Well, you weren't always big," I pointed out. "You were tiny once, and now you're a big boy."

He gaped at me. "But you always call me your _baby_ boy! I'm not your baby anymore?"

I hoped I could explain it to him. I knew there was a possibility of territorial behavior when it came to explaining things to Ollie. "You're always gonna be my little angel, but Sarah's my baby now. You're not a baby anymore, so now you'll be my big boy."

"So you still love me, too?" He looked as if he'd spoken his worst fear out loud.

I hugged him hard. "I'll always love you, my little angel. Will you always love me?"

He hugged me back, kissing my cheek. "I always love you, too, Auntie Nessie, and Sarah, and Uncle Jacob. I love you _all_."

I laughed and let him down, then Jacob gave me Sarah and gave Ollie a bear-hug before sending him out to sit with the other kiddies and my sisters. Emmett had stood in the corner for my visit with Ollie, then he came and sat next to me as well. "You okay, babe?"

I smiled at my oldest brother. "Never better."

"Can I hold her?"

I laughed a little. "Are you joking? Go on."

He took the bundle from my arms and sat beside me, studying the baby, then me, then Jacob. "Well, she's as cute as you were. Might be better behaved. She hasn't spit up on me yet."

Jacob laughed, earning a light smack from me. "Sorry, honey…"

Emmett grinned and kissed the top of my head, still holding my baby. "Am I her favorite since you're Ollie's favorite?"

Jacob shrugged. "It depends. I don't think this one's gonna be very predictable."

Emmett chuckled, then talked softly to the baby for a few moments. "Hi, Sarah, I'm your favorite Uncle Emmett. You're nicer than your mother already. You don't spit up on me." The rest of his monologue was him comparing her to myself in infant form, then expressing how much everyone already loved her. It was quite touching, especially when he said, "You're a gorgeous little girl. I love you, cutie pie."

My brothers and sisters took turns holding her, as did Jacob's sisters and their respective husbands (Rebecca having married the guy -later we learned named Gary- from Christmas so many years before, Rachel having reunited with her high school sweetheart -Paul, a rather obnoxious and childish, yet somewhat endearing guy- and getting married to him). When the nurses made a fuss over all of our family crowding us and the danger outside germs could have been to the baby, we had to say goodbye. With Daddy being the boss, he was able to pull some strings and keep Sarah from being carted off before Jacob and I were ready to let go of her (not that we'd ever be). Later in the afternoon, our first nurse came in with the paperwork to be signed to validate her birth and citizenship.

"Jacob, do you know what today is?" I asked him, shock and joy overwhelming me as I read the birth certificate.

"Not exactly. You were in here for several days and we lost track of time," he said, peering at the page as well, Sarah in his arms.

I turned my head and smiled brilliantly at him. "Happy birthday, my Jacob."

Recognition dawned on his face, then his lips were on mine softly, then new tears were in his eyes. I was taken by surprise, but I tried to comfort him, nevertheless.

"What's wrong, honey?" I asked softly, kissing away some of his falling tears.

He shook his head slightly, pressing his forehead to mine. He took a calming breath before speaking. "This is the best birthday gift I could have ever wished for."

I kissed his lips softly, then took his hand, holding it over my heart. "She's amazing. She's _us_ in physical form."

He nodded, smiling softly. "She's perfect."

I had to agree. She was perfect. The perfect blend of the both of us. The unearthly beauty in my arms was a symbol of everything we'd gone through, everything we were, and everything that we would be forever. "Sarah Austin Black…" I touched her tiny, drowsy face. Her beautiful eyes blinked slowly, then finally closed, her breath slowing to an even pattern. I gently touched her eyelids, then her cheeks, her tiny nose (_Jacob's_ nose, I decided), then traced the outline of her lips (which possessed the same rosy pink as my own). She had the high cheekbones of the Quileute race, the same fluffy lashes my family possessed, and her soft skin was a frosted shade of russet, like Jacob's coloring and my own had been blended to make hers.

Jacob moved to sit on the hospital bed with me, tenderly pulling me to sit against his chest, between his legs. His arms wound around me to join my own, cradling me and our daughter. "I can't believe how perfect our life is."

I nodded in agreement, still gazing into the sleeping face of my baby. "We've been through so much together. I wouldn't have had it any other way, though."

"Not at all. We went through so much, but it made us stronger. Now we have this little blessing to show the world," he whispered, touching her cheek, the tip of his finger proving to be larger than her nose, which was -admittedly- rather prominent on her tiny face. It was adorable though. Everything about her was. "She's gonna be a hell of a woman, just like her mother."

I leaned back into my husband's arms. "She's gonna be gorgeous like her father."

"She's not dating until she's thirty. And no sleepovers with boys that aren't related to her, no matter how innocent it is."

"_We_ had sleepovers."

"But your brothers would have murdered me if I tried anything. Sarah doesn't have brothers yet."

I giggled at the 'yet'. "You think she's gonna have brothers?"

He chuckled and nuzzled my cheek. "Yeah, I think it's a possibility. At least we know Ollie can take care of her, and hopefully EJ. Ella's a tough one, too. Maybe even Kyle when he's older. You know what we haven't talked about, though?"

"What?" I asked, relaxing against Jacob.

"Godparents."

I sighed. "I don't know. As much as it seems weird to just sign our daughter off in the event of our untimely demise, I want her to have a safe-haven if, God forbid, anything _does_ happen."

"Well," Jacob said softly. "I think we should. Just for show, at least. We're not missing out on anything."

"Well, who do we trust the most?"

"How can we decide that? They're all so amazing to us."

I suddenly had an idea creep into my mind. "Well, what about the guys?"

He let out a laugh. "Embry and Quil? They still live in a bachelor pad because they suffer fear of commitment. You know, not everybody has the utmost confidence in love as we do."

I giggled and snuggled back against him more. "I know, but they're the only one's who aren't already tied to her. Yeah, they'll always be Uncle Embry and Uncle Quil, but don't we want to throw them a bone and tie them to her title-wise, too? We love the guys, and if it weren't for the family crowding in, they would have been first in line to meet her today and would have fallen in love with her like we have."

Jacob thought for a few minutes, then tightened his hold around me. "If you trust them, so do I."

I grinned, then leaned my head back into the crook of his neck, watching the baby girl we held. After a while, I got sleepy, though. We didn't want to let go of our baby, but as much we wanted to keep her, we needed sleep so we could see her again the next day. Finally, Jacob reluctantly pressed the call-nurse button and they carted her away.

As was to be expected, Embry and Quil were ecstatic at the news, and of course they fell in love with Sarah.

The guys came into my hospital room, Embry carrying a change of clothes for Jacob to change into -three days in the same jeans and T-shirt he threw on when we rushed to the ER, _so_ not comfy or nice smelling- and Quil carrying a bouquet of baby's breath and lilies.

"Thanks guys," Jacob said, giving them each a 'guy hug', taking the clothes from Embry and letting them attack me while he changed quickly in a corner.

Quil laid the flowers on the bedside table and he and Embry pulled me into a hug, being surprisingly gentle with my still weak self. They kissed my cheeks and then jumped into their questioning about where the baby was. I laughed and told them to be patient, that our nurse was on her way. The nurse looked surprised to find _more_ people visiting us (I was the most popular mommy in the maternity ward, apparently). She handed over the baby and left, muttering about how 'Dr. Cullen and his daughter' were the 'talk of the hospital' what with the visitors we had coming in by the truckload.

The guys stood back as Jacob and I said good morning to our baby. She had surprising personality and expression, getting a pleased look when she recognized Jacob and I. She yawned, obviously having just woken up, and then pursed her tiny rosy pink lips, her brown eyes wondering around the room, finding the guys.

"Any takers?" I said softly, so as to not startle her.

Embry and Quil stared at each other for a second, then Embry stepped forward bravely. "Let me see the thing that you two made."

I rolled my eyes, letting out a tiny chuckle. "Don't call my baby a _thing_ and you can."

"Fine, let me see the daughter you two produced, happy?" he teased, coming to stand beside me.

I grinned, then passed her up. Jacob made sure Embry held her right, then we watched in amusement as he studied the baby. "The rumor that beautiful people have ugly babies is _so_ wrong. I think she's actually better looking than you, Ness, even with Jake's genes."

I started laughing at Jacob's expression. If he hadn't been holding our baby, Embry would have been on the ground in a second. Quil piped up that he wanted to hold her, too.

"She's cute," he thought aloud. "Tiny thing, but cute. What's her name?"

Ah, the favorite question of everyone. Jacob took her back, holding her close to him, her teeny head on his chest. He grinned at me, mouthing, 'Tell them everything.'

I smiled at the guys. "Well, her name is Sarah Austin, and we actually had something interesting to tell you that no one else knows yet." They made 'go on' gestures, then I continued. "Well, we want you two to be her godfathers."

They looked at me, looked at Jacob, looked at Sarah, then looked at each other. Then I was rushed, again. They attacked me with bear hugs, kissing me all over my face again, then attacked Jacob when he gave me Sarah back. The guys got into a mini-match seeing who would make the other say 'mercy', and I held Sarah up.

"These are the men in your life, baby. They're crazy, but they love you. Daddy's winning, see? And Uncle Embry's on the floor and Uncle Quil is being choked by Daddy." I narrated the fight, making Jacob laugh loudly, startling the baby.

I hadn't really heard her cry yet, but when I saw her tiny eyes start to shine, I made a 'cut it out' face to the guys. She looked like she'd calmed down, then made an unholy screech. Jacob rushed to my side as the guys backed away. We bounced and kissed her, calming her down. It hurt to see my baby cry for the first time. I thought I'd cry if it weren't for Jacob calming her down quickly, his paternal instincts proving excellent as he cradled her head to his chest again, his heartbeat calming her down. It was obvious. She was going to be a Daddy's girl.

Life went on as I became a full time Mommy and part time editorial writer for the Forks newspaper, and Jacob became an on-location photographer for my editorials, and also had a studio built next door to our home. Many nights were spent with Jacob and I facing each other in our bed, a sleeping Sarah between us. We spent countless nights staring at the beauty that was our baby girl. Jacob liked to bring his work home with him sometimes, arranging Sarah and I in several places and positions, or photographing just me when Sarah was sleeping, or just Sarah at any given time. At a year old, Sarah had the most brilliant personality, a perfect mix of all of mine and Jacob's good traits, and was so expressive and communicative that I sometimes wondered how she wasn't already carrying a briefcase and yapping into a cell phone about business. Jacob had the uncanny ability to make her happy at any time. She wasn't a morning person by any standards, but if it was Jacob that woke her, she'd giggle and coo at him like he was her favorite toy, which he was. She was a complete Daddy's girl, like I was, and like I expected, but -like me- she appreciated time with her Mommy, too. She would watch me brush my hair in a trance, and when I combed her little ebony ringlets, she'd giggle and clap. She also preferred me bathing her over Jacob. If he tried to help, she'd splash and glare at him. The most we could figure out is that while I kept my laughs soft and sweet, Jacob's boisterous laugh frightened her if she heard it over the gentle and calming flow of water.

At just three years old, Sarah went on her first trip with us, to Austin of all places. Jacob had been invited to have some exhibition pieces at the same competition he'd won six years before. She was thrilled to have her own seat in the plane, between Jacob and I, and was very well behaved at the show. Jacob held her on his shoulders for a bit, and I held her on my hip when Jacob was talking serious photography with people.

"Wass dat, Mommy?" she asked in her baby voice, pointing at a blown up picture of a flower that looked distorted because of the size and magnification. Her newest favorite game was to ask endless questions, using the biggest words she could muster.

"It's a flower," I said, taking her closer. "See the petals?"

She screwed up her tiny face in concentration. "I see da petters, but how is it a frower? Frowers are smawer and in da ground."

I chuckled slightly. She was a smart one, our Sarah. "It's a picture, baby. It's in the ground in the photo, and the photo is big."

"Oh. Okay." She turned her head to me, her ebony curls swinging around her shoulders. We were too afraid to cut her hair, so it was quite long. Her big brown eyes landed on me and she continued her inquisition. "Does Daddy photagaph frowers?"

"I'll bet he has a few pictures of flowers."

"I wanna see! Daddy takes bertufull pictures, don't he Mommy?"

"He sure does, Sare-bear." I caught Jacob's eye across the room, where he was talking to a few amateurs about his work. Most of them were girls who were staring him down greedily. He made a face where they couldn't see, then waved me over, catching the attention of Sarah and making her get rambunctious, wanting her Daddy's attention. I crossed the room to him, putting Sarah down and letting her run to him, jumping for him.

"Ladies, these are my beautiful girls," he said, picking up the squirming baby and propping her on his hip. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and gave me a kiss on the side of my head. "My wife Nessie and our daughter Sarah."

"Daddy! Dere wass a frower dat was big and on da waw!" Sarah said, her eyes wide and imploring. "Mommy says you might photagaph frowers! Do you, Daddy?"

Jacob grinned at her. "I do sometimes. I took a picture of you playing in your flower garden last week."

She grinned and clapped. "I wanna see!"

"I'll show you when we get home, I promise. Okay, baby girl?"

"Okay, Daddy!" she said, looking excited and most likely imprinting the memory into her brain. She had a knack for remembering everything she heard and saw.

The least jealous looking girl in the group smiled at Sarah. "She's so adorable! You're so lucky."

Jacob shifted his grin to the girl. "I know."

The girl's smile widened. "My husband and I have a little boy about her age. What's your name, sweetie?"

Sarah gave a beautiful smile, as heart-breakingly brilliant as Jacob's own. "Sarah Austin Buh-lack." She, like Ollie before her, had issues with 'l's, but 'black' was the only word she even attempted saying it in, and only if she was talking about her name. If she was coloring, she'd ask for the 'brack' crayon.

"That's a pretty name for a pretty girl."

The girl was sweet to Sarah, and I was rather pleased to find out someone wasn't there just to flirt with my husband. The other girls started complimenting Sarah, who soaked up all the attention she could, saying random things to make people laugh. At one point she noticed a girl glaring at me and said, "Why does you have a grumpy face? Daddy says grumpy faces aren't attrackib. Dass why I don't make dem, becuss Daddy don't wike when I'm grumpy. Him says happy wadies are bertufull, wike me and Mommy!"

Jacob and I burst into laughter, embarrassing the girl and making her walk off in a huff. Sarah seemed rather pleased with herself. "Daddy, wass dat?" She was staring in awe at one of Jacob's pictures. It was a black and white me, asleep in our bed with a tiny baby Sarah tucked under my arm like a stuffed toy. Sarah was grinning a bit, watching Jacob behind the camera, reaching a tiny hand up to him. "Wass dat wiff Mommy?"

Jacob carried her to the picture, the gaggle of girls staying close to us. "That's you, baby girl. You were littler."

Her lips formed a comical 'O', then her gaze shifted to the one next to it, taken only days before. "I nenember dat! We was browin bubbers!"

It was one of all three of us, playing in the grass in our backyard, showing Sarah how to blow bubbles. Her tiny lips were in a perfect circle, blowing bubbles at the sky, while Jacob pointed at the little things and I smiled lovingly, lounging in the grass beside them. Jacob had used a timer on his camera and gotten a perfect shot, and I'd personally requested he put that particular one in his show, which he did -not that he would refuse me anything (insert evil cackle here).

"Yes we were," I said, smiling at her. "You liked the bubbles."

"Dey was pretty, but dey tasted _nasty_!" she announced, sticking her tiny pink tongue out.

Jacob simply chuckled and held her up higher. "You're a silly little girl, you know that?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "I is _your _siry witter girw!"

"Will you give Daddy a kiss, Sare-bear?" he asked, nuzzling her cheek. She giggled, then obliged, puckering her tiny lips to give him a sweet little kiss on the mouth. She then reached for me and gave me a kiss as well. "That's my girl," Jacob said, positioning her on his hip better. He turned to me. "Will _you_ give me a kiss?"

I rolled my eyes at his silliness but stood on tip-toe and gave him a gentle kiss, making Sarah squeal out in amusement, most likely at the looks the girls gave us. They drifted off after that, seeing he was fully committed, and left us to look around. We looked at several pictures of animals, people, nature. When it came time for the awards ceremony, Jacob was to announce the winner, so we had front row seats. Sarah was well behaved, oohing and ahhing softly at the photos she hadn't yet seen. When Jacob had to go on stage, she squealed out a thrilled, "Daddy!" Jacob blew her a little kiss, then went on to announce the winner.

The winner ended up being the girl from earlier, the one with the son. The picture was one of him playing trains, and the little boy was there with her husband. She accepted the award from Jacob, then left the stage to get back to her men. I caught her eye when she was leaving the stage and mouthed, 'He's adorable.' She grinned and nodded, picking up the little boy who'd rushed to her.

That night, we crowded into the bed in our hotel room. Sarah was wiped out from all the excitement, even though we let her get a sundae at the restaurant we went to after the show since she'd been so well behaved (and God knows that child can get a sugar rush off of air). She laid between us in her Tinkerbell pajamas lazily babbling about the night. She caught me and Jacob gazing at each other lovingly across her and asked a very peculiar question.

"Daddy, why does you put Mommy's hand on your heart and why does her put your hand on her heart?" she asked, jutting out her bottom lip curiously, her brown eyes holding a spark of interest beyond the heaviness of the ever demanding sleep.

Jacob looked shocked for a second, then laughed a little bit at her observation. "Well, Mommy and Daddy love each other, Sarah. It's how we show each other that we love each other."

She turned her gaze to me. "But why does you do dat instead of juss saying it?"

I thought for a moment, not sure how to vocalize it in a way understandable to a three year old. "Well, love comes from your heart. When Mommy and Daddy touch each others' hearts it's to show each other that our hearts belong to each other. That's why we have you; we love each other. You're the best thing that ever happened to us because you show everybody that we love each other with all our hearts, and now we can love you."

She studied us. "So do you wuv _me _wiff aw your hearts?"

Jacob cuddled closer to the baby. "We love you more than anything else. You're our special little girl."

Sarah thought this over for a few moments, and I thought she was asleep until she grabbed my hand. I looked up and saw that she'd grabbed Jacob's as well, and was tugging them together. We laced our fingers together, as she was trying to do, then she took the lead and pulled our intertwined hands down to her skinny chest. "I wuv you wiff _aw_ my heart, Mommy and Daddy."

I felt my eyes fill with tears, then I looked up and saw Jacob's had unshed tears as well. It was the first time Sarah had ever said she loved us, in so many words. We weren't even sure she understood what it meant, even though we told her we loved her every day of her life, multiple times a day. I buried my face in her long hair, hiding my tears from her. "I love you, too, baby," I breathed, kissing her head over and over again.

Jacob squeezed my hand, then spoke to our daughter. "I love you so much, my Sarah."

She fell asleep soon after that, then me and Jacob spoke quietly for a bit.

"We're doing a good job," I said softly. "She's a chatter box, but she's a smart one."

He grinned. "She's amazing. She's just… More than we could have asked for. She said she loved us, honey…"

"I know," I whispered, feeling a glow rush to my face. I was so thrilled at it. My baby loved me. "I can't believe how amazing she is. She's beautiful and intelligent and just… There's no word for how amazing she is."

Jacob sighed. "This is how it feels to be parents. Are you as happy as I am?"

"Beyond."

We fell asleep cuddled with our baby that night. Our lives had many more memorable moments. One could say our lives were perfect, that we were perfect for each other from birth, and maybe we were. But honestly, nothing would have ever been so wonderful if that first year of trials and suffering hadn't happened. In a way, the point at which I was broken was the first day of the rest of our lives. It was a learning period, a challenge to trust, and a sweet relief to fully love Jacob like he deserved. It was hard and painful, and there were points where I wished that everything would just stop. In the end, though, I found my true love and had a stunningly beautiful daughter. Jacob was my true love, and Sarah was the best thing to ever happen to us. Life was finally good.

Amazing, even.


End file.
